Funny/Bizarre News

[rockkid]

More Death........


Turkish man poses as his dead mother in attempt to draw her pension


ISTANBUL, Turkey - Police have detained a man who buried his dead mother in his basement and disguised himself as her to draw her retirement pension, a Turkish news agency reported Friday.

Tipped off by suspicious bank employees, police detained Serafettin Gencel, 47, in his home after he tried to withdraw his dead mother's pension, Anatolia news agency reported.

A bank employee had become suspicious upon hearing Gencel's male-sounding voice and notified the bank manager who told Gencel to come back in two days time for the money, Anatolia said. The manager secretly photographed him and called police who raided his home and detained him.

The photo, which was released by Anatolia, showed Gencel dressed in a woman's overcoat and wearing a headscarf and stockings and carrying a walking stick.

Gencel reportedly told police that his mother died two years ago of natural causes at the age of 68, and that he buried her body in his basement to carry on collecting her pension.

Authorities exhumed the body and were conducting a forensic study into the woman's death.

Gencel faces possible charges of fraud, suspicious death and conducting a burial without notifying authorities, Anatolia said.

Gencel, who has previous convictions for armed robbery and carrying firearms, had withdrawn the equivalent of about $7,800 Cdn since his mother's death, Anatolia said.

[rockkid]

Randy senior told to behave


At 76, Edmonton's Garry Overmars could be a poster boy for Viagra with his apparent desire for hot sex. Unfortunately, the randy city septuagenarian has some work to do when it comes to the places he's searching for action and his choice of pickup lines.

Overmars pleaded guilty yesterday to one count of communicating with a person for the purpose of obtaining the sexual services of a prostitute.

Court heard that on April 8, the senior approached an undercover female cop who was posing as a hooker as part of a 118 Avenue police sting targeting prostitutes and johns.
Overmars was arrested after he and the police officer had a conversation relating to sex for money.


HAD A COLD
Defence lawyer Angus Boyd said his client had a cold that day and took some medication which made him "disoriented." He added Overmars had lost his wife in 1998.
"This is not behaviour he typically engages in," said Boyd.

Overmars had no previous criminal record, but court heard in 2001 he went to "john school," which is an alternative measures program for people charged for the first time with communication for the purpose of prostitution.

$400 CLASSES

The $400 classes stress that the actions of johns may be contributing to organized crime and that johns run the risk of contracting sexually transmitted diseases.
Provincial court Judge Paul Adilman agreed Overmars should get a conditional discharge, which means that if he successfully completes six months of probation, he will not receive a criminal conviction.

The judge told the senior his only conditions were to report to his probation officer, keep the peace and be of good behaviour. Overmars will not get a criminal record if "you stay out of trouble," said Adilman.

[Thorngrub]

This is, "Ha ha funny we all may die in a nuclear conflagration because of this or at the very least get set back 200 hundred years closer to the stone age" kind of news:




So the President's GAY?
So What? George--just get over it!
by John Shirley


Persistent rumors that George W. Bush was sometimes bisexual at Yale have given way to rumors that he was actually flat-out gay. The story is that he went through one of those Christian-right hetero-imperative brainwashing camps where they pray the gay out. I don't know if it's true or not, but if it were, it might explain a great deal.

There are equally persistent rumors that the President, in the early 1970s, was involved in cocaine use and dealing. Marijuana use is all but a certainty. And what is a certainty, given Bush's own testimony, is his drinking problem. Not everyone with substance abuse and alcoholism issues is repressing something, but plenty are dealing with unresolved issues, with trauma or sexual identity problems.

As Texas governor, Bush was notorious for seeing to it people were executed. He generally sneered at cries for clemency--there's a notorious quote which has him jeering, “I know, I know, she's saying, 'Oh please don't kill me!'“ And he sniggers at this. In Texas, being a tough male involves nodding and winking at an old fashioned Texas tradition, the lynching. Clemency is just so...gay. And executing a woman might be a way to get back at the women he unconsciously resents for wanting him to be a straight male.

Commentators have noted that when Bush speaks about war, or retaliation against our enemies, he generally speaks with ringing clarity. It's when he's speaking of tenderness, issues needing sensitivity--caring for children, for example, or the poor--that he makes his famous gaffes and verbal stumbles. As if the call to sensitivity frightens and confuses him. He associates it, after all, with weakness--with his own predeliction for softness with other males, perhaps.

Bush leapt at the first opportunity for a major war. A keeper of the neocon agenda, Cheney wanted the invasion of Iraq before Bush did. That's a matter of record. Cheney can see right through Bush. I can imagine Bush expressing misgivings about the war, and Cheney saying this wasn't the time to be soft, this was the time to go for it, to penetrate the enemy firmly...He may even have said, “We've got to go get her.“ Meaning Iraq. He may have manipulated Bush's fear of his homosexuality to get him to go to war.

The same psychological manipulation might extend to Bush's environmental policies. In his unconscious mind, exploiting the environment, just really getting in there and rooting around, is male, masculine--and hetero. Protecting it is, like, gay, dude. Cheney and others may be manipulating Bush the same way on the environmental front. “You are worried about all that mercury we're allowing into the foodchain, sir? People have to make sacrifices, they have to give way before the drive of economic freedom...Unless you think we should go soft on this?“

Outlandish speculation? But those dominos are lined up, one falls to strike the next, and the line, curving and clattering, runs right back to George Bush's groin.

Yes it may be that what this country needs is for George W. Bush to go to the nearest gay baths, and...just relax and be himself.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

*taken from acclaimed author John Shirley's Centerblog* in EDGE TRENDS: The Online Magazine Of Trends On The Edge

Just Click Below To Check It Out:

johnshirley.net/DesktopDefault.aspx

[rockkid]

OMG earth shattering!
That’s too damn funny & possibly true.

[rockkid]

Just sick………. Here’s one where I’m actually in favor of suing & BIG!!!





SAN JOSE, California -- A woman bit into a partial finger served in a bowl of chili at a California Wendy's restaurant, leading authorities to a use a fingerprint database yesterday to determine who lost the digit. The incident occurred Tuesday night at a San Jose Wendy's restaurant and left the customer ill and distraught, said Joy Alexiou, a spokesman for the Santa Clara County Health Department.

"She was so emotionally upset once she found out what it was," Alexiou said. "She was vomiting."
Employees at the Wendy's restaurant were asked to show investigators their fingers after the Tuesday night incident.
All employees' digits were accounted for, officials said, adding the well-cooked finger may have come from a food-processing plant that supplies the company.

"All of our employees have 10 digits," said Denny Lynch, a spokesman for Wendy's International Inc., based in Dublin, Ohio.
He said there have been no reports to the U.S. Occupational Safety and Health Administration of injuries at any supplier of chili ingredients to Wendy's.
"By law, you can't hide that sort of stuff," Lynch said.
"All of our chili suppliers report no accidents."

Investigators seized the remaining chili and closed the restaurant for a few hours late Tuesday.
Health officials said the fingertip was approximately four centimetres long.
They believe that it belongs to a woman because of the long, manicured nail.

Alexiou said the woman who bit into the finger, who asked officials not to identify her, is at minimal risk of contracting illnesses from the finger.
It's an extremely low chance because the chili was cooked at a very high temperature that would have killed anything in the finger," Alexiou said.

Still, she said health officials would ask the woman's doctor to test her blood "to make sure nothing got passed to her."

[Ampage]

At least it wasn’t a toe, now that would be gross.

[rockkid]

Making it even funnier (on a personal level at least)
Last night I’m lying in bed reading a mag (People to be exact) & as I’m finished I happen to see a Wendy’s ad on the back cover touting their “healthier line” what’s the catch phrase in this as of now least timely ad ever.

“Wendy’s on the cutting edge”



Did I laugh hard? You bet!

[strat-0]

Part of their low carb menu, no doubt.

LORENA BOBBITT'S SISTER ARRESTED

API - Clearwater Florida - Lorena Bobbitt's sister Luella was arrested yesterday for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena. She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition.

Luella has been charged with a misdewiener.

[rockkid]

OMFINGG



TORONTO -- An accused drunk driver tried but failed to foil a police breathalyser after stuffing his mouth full of feces. "I don't think alcohol alone would make you do something as disgusting as that," Insp. Tom McDonald said.

Arrested Sunday after his pickup was pulled over on a highway just outside Barrie, Ont., the 59-year-old driver was put in a cruiser and taken to a police station for testing.

Sgt. James Buchanan said the prisoner vomited, urinated and defecated in the rear of the squad car.
After arriving at the station, he said the man grabbed a handful of his own waste "and placed it in his mouth, attempting to trick the breathalyser machine."
It didn't work, Buchanan said.

Breathalyser tests registered twice the legal limit of alcohol in the man, he said. The man was charged with impaired driving.

[Thorngrub]

Onliner gamer stabbed over 'stolen' cybersword
By Lester Haines

[Published Wednesday 30th March 2005 12:30 GMT]

A Shanghai man stabbed to death a fellow online gamer who sold a virtual sword they had jointly won while playing "Legend of Mir 3", Reuters reports.
Qiu Chengwei, 41, repeatedly stabbed Zhu Caoyuan after discovering that Zhu had sold the "dragon sabre" for 7,200 yuan (£464). Qiu had lent his friend the cybersabre last February, later reporting it as "stolen" when he learned of the transaction. Police, however, told him that - as the disputed weapon was virtual property - he had no recourse to law.

A Shanghai court heard on Tuesday that "Zhu promised to hand over the cash but an angry Qui lost patience and attacked Zhu at his home, stabbing him in the left chest with great force and killing him." Qui has admitted "intentional injury" and awaits the court's verdict.
China Daily notes that the sorry affair raises something of a legal poser regarding online "possessions". Wang Zongyu, an associate law professor at Beijing's Renmin University of China, told the paper: "The armour and swords in games should be deemed as private property as players have to spend money and time for them."
A lawyer for a Shanghai-based internet game company countered: "The 'assets' of one player could mean nothing to others as they are by nature just data created by game providers."
Indeed, a Japanese woman recently had a run-in with the authorites after deleting her ex's online gaming data - including clothes and weapons. In this case, though, she was charged with "violating a law banning illegal access" rather than offences pertaining to the wanton destruction of her former lover's virtual goods and chattels. ®

[rockkid]

NUTS!!!


Wendys follow up..............



Woman Claiming Finger in Chili Sues Often


LAS VEGAS - The woman who claims she bit into a human finger while eating chili at a Wendy's restaurant has a history of filing lawsuits — including a claim against another fast-food restaurant.


Anna Ayala, 39, who hired a San Jose, Calif., attorney to represent her in the Wendy's case, has been involved in at least half a dozen legal battles in the San Francisco Bay area, according to court records.


She brought a suit against an ex-boss in 1998 for sexual harassment and sued an auto dealership in 2000, alleging the wheel fell off her car. That suit was dismissed after Ayala fired her lawyer, who said she had threatened him.


Speaking through the front door of her Las Vegas home Friday, Ayala claimed police are out to get her and were unnecessarily rough as they executed a search warrant at her home on Wednesday.


"Lies, lies, lies, that's all I am hearing," she said. "They should look at Wendy's. What are they hiding? Why are we being victimized again and again?"

Ayala acknowledged, however, that her family received a settlement for their medical expenses about a year ago after her daughter, Genesis, got sick from food at an El Pollo Loco restaurant in Las Vegas. She declined to provide any further details.


San Jose police have joined the Las Vegas police fraud unit in the investigation into how a 1 1/2-long fingertip ended up in Ayala's bowl of chili at the San Jose Wendy's on March 22. Ayala has sued the franchise owner, Fresno, Calif.-based JEM Management Corp.


Wendy's spokesman Bob Bertini would not comment on the investigation Friday.


The company, however, maintains that the finger did not enter the food chain in its ingredients. The employees at the San Jose store were found to have all their fingers, and no suppliers of Wendy's ingredients have reported any hand or finger injuries, the company said.


On Thursday, Wendy's offered a $50,000 reward to anyone providing verifiable information leading to the positive identification of the origin of the finger.


Investigators would not say what they were looking for in the search of Ayala's house. Ken Bono, a family friend who lives at the home, said officers searched freezers, a picnic cooler in the backyard and the belongings of an aunt who used to live at the house.

San Jose police dismissed rumors that the finger might have belonged to Ayala's late aunt. However, investigators said they were still looking into the possibility that the missing finger was the result of an industrial accident or foul play.


"The simple fact of the matter is that the finger came from somebody. Where's that person at?" said Sgt. Nick Muyo, a spokesman for the San Jose Police Department.


The Santa Clara County Coroner's Office used a partial fingerprint to attempt to find a match in an electronic database of missing people and those with criminal histories, but came up empty. DNA testing is still being conducted on the finger.


Bertini said Wendy's stores in the area have suffered from declining sales since the incident.


"Obviously the store has been down significantly," he said. "This has been an ordeal for all of us. Hopefully there will be a resolution soon."


___

[rockkid]

LONDON -- A British motorist, driving home from work with his car window wound down, had his nose broken by a flying frozen sausage, an official said yesterday. The 46-year-old man was driving near his home in South Woodham Ferrers, Essex, east of London, when the sausage flew through the window and smacked him on the nose, a spokesman for the Essex Ambulance Service said on condition of anonymity.

"The man said he was making his way home after work and had the window down because it was such a nice afternoon," the ambulance spokesman said. "He said he saw a car coming the other way and felt a searing pain in his nose.

"His nose was undoubtedly fractured and he had lost quite a lot of blood.

It must have been an incredibly lucky, or unlucky, shot to get the sausage through a moving car window. I have never seen or heard of anything like this before."

Essex police said they were investigating the incident.

[rockkid]

A doubleheader today!


WINDSOR, Ont. -- A woman who left her home in the temporary care of a couple returned to make a gruesome discovery in the refrigerator: a pot containing the remains of what appeared to be a cooked cat. "It is strange, there is no question about it," Windsor police Staff Sgt. Ed McNorton said yesterday about the alleged killing and eating of the pet. "We've seen animal abuse before ... but nothing like this."

Officers were called to a duplex Sunday night by a woman who had left her apartment in the care of a 24-year-old man and an 18-year-old woman. The tenant came home to find the place abandoned and in disarray. Then she looked in the fridge.

"It was absolutely disgusting, I couldn't believe it," said neighbour Sherry Hughes, who entered the apartment and saw the animal's remains.
Police suspect it's all that's left of Prowler, who lived with the Hughes family and went missing less than a week earlier.

Flyers of the missing cat remained posted on utility poles in the area yesterday.

The act of eating an animal isn't illegal, said John Roushorne, general manager of the Windsor-Essex County Humane Society, but how it got into the pot is an entirely different matter.

McNorton said police believe the animal was killed in the bathtub and then hung from the showerhead.

The couple who lived temporarily in the house were interviewed by detectives yesterday morning and released pending further investigation.

McNorton said police could lay unlawful killing of an animal charges, a summary offence punishable by up to six months' jail and/or a $2,000 fine.

[rockkid]

Follow up to above



WINDSOR, Ont. -- A young man and woman who told police they cooked and ate a cat because they were hungry have been charged criminally with killing an animal. "I'm glad," said Allan Hughes, whose family pet Prowler is believed to be the animal that was boiled whole in a pot.

The remains were found Sunday in the refrigerator and garbage of a neighbour who lived across the street from Hughes.

The woman who rented the duplex unit where the cat's remains were found had left the home in the care of two friends while she was out of town for about a week. When she returned, the residence was in disarray, the couple were gone and the cat's remains were in a pot in the fridge.

Police were still awaiting results from forensic testing of the remains.

[rockkid]

Last but not least


SAN FRANCISCO - The woman who claimed she found a well-manicured finger in her bowl of Wendy's chili last month was arrested Thursday night in Las Vegas, police said.
Anna Ayala was taken into custody at her home, San Jose police spokesman Enrique Garcia said. Garcia said police would not give any further details about the arrest until a news conference Friday afternoon. Anna Ayala told police she found the finger in her chili March 22 while eating at a Wendy's in San Jose. Health officials say it was apparently a woman's finger, because of the long, manicured nail.

The Las Vegas woman claimed she intended to sue but relented, claiming the publicity was too emotionally taxing. Court records show Ayala has a history of making claims against corporations, including a former employer, General Motors and another fast-food restaurant.