|
|
Post by shin on Jul 30, 2006 18:07:13 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by shin on Jul 30, 2006 18:07:42 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by kmc on Jul 30, 2006 18:28:56 GMT -5
Where can I get one?
|
|
|
|
Post by shin on Jul 30, 2006 18:38:27 GMT -5
I literally can't fathom the hilarity of the "draining power from a deer" part.
|
|
|
|
Post by shin on Jul 30, 2006 18:39:18 GMT -5
Also the "no high heels" icon.
|
|
|
|
Post by shin on Jul 30, 2006 18:46:08 GMT -5
Halliburton Solves Global Warming
SurvivaBalls save managers from abrupt climate change
An advanced new technology will keep corporate managers safe even when climate change makes life as we know it impossible. [Speech, photos]
"The SurvivaBall is designed to protect the corporate manager no matter what Mother Nature throws his or her way," said Fred Wolf, a Halliburton representative who spoke today at the Catastrophic Loss conference held at the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Amelia Island, Florida. "This technology is the only rational response to abrupt climate change," he said to an attentive and appreciative audience.
Most scientists believe global warming is certain to cause an accelerating onslaught of hurricanes, floods, droughts, tornadoes, etc. and that a world-destroying disaster is increasingly possible. For example, Arctic melt has slowed the Gulf Stream by 30% in just the last decade; if the Gulf Stream stops, Europe will suddenly become just as cold as Alaska. Global heat and flooding events are also increasingly possible.
In order to head off such catastrophic scenarios, scientists agree we must reduce our carbon emissions by 70% within the next few years. Doing that would seriously undermine corporate profits, however, and so a more forward-thinking solution is needed.
At today's conference, Wolf and a colleague demonstrated three SurvivaBall mockups, and described how the units will sustainably protect managers from natural or cultural disturbances of any intensity or duration. The devices - looking like huge inflatable orbs - will include sophisticated communications systems, nutrient gathering capacities, onboard medical facilities, and a daunting defense infrastructure to ensure that the corporate mission will not go unfulfilled even when most human life is rendered impossible by catastrophes or the consequent epidemics and armed conflicts.
"It's essentially a gated community for one," said Wolf. www.halliburtoncontracts.com/about/index.htmlOr closer to home, how about the Great Deluge? This world-ending disaster was surely seen as a terrible catastrophe by Noah's contemporaries, and even by Noah himself. Yet Noah was ready to seize the day, and at the end of that day, not only was there a whole new world, but Noah found himself with a monopoly of the animals. Not a bad deal!
Unfortunately, things aren't as simple for us as they were for Noah. God isn't telling us what kind of an ark we should build, nor how to deploy it - but luckily Science can fill in the blanks, and Science tells us that what we're doing in the world today will lead to much more flooding, drought, hurricanes, tornadoes, or even worse, with consequences including epidemics, human migration, civic unrest and even war.
But as Warren Buffet, the oracle of Omaha, so astutely said: you must follow “the Noah rule: predicting rain doesn't count, building arks does."
I can personally guarantee you that we as a society are more than ready to build arks against these conditions - in some cases, we've already done so.www.halliburtoncontracts.com/about/hse.htmlThis is either totally fucked up or a really sophisticated parody.
|
|
|
|
Post by Galactus on Jul 30, 2006 20:15:36 GMT -5
That's incredible.
|
|
|
|
Post by NdY on Jul 30, 2006 22:35:20 GMT -5
i just crapped my pants with glee
|
|
|
|
Post by strat-0 on Jul 30, 2006 23:05:58 GMT -5
Hey, shin - would you mind resizing your images please? Thanks!
|
|
|
|
Post by shin on Jul 31, 2006 2:16:20 GMT -5
I already resized the first one to 40% of the original size. I can't resize the second because A) I'm not hosting it, Halliburton is B) you wouldn't be able to read it if I resized it.
|
|
|
|
Post by shin on Jul 31, 2006 2:38:28 GMT -5
Ok, fixed it. Resized the first one and in the second I put in links for the explanation cards instead of the whole pic.
|
|
|
|
Post by strat-0 on Jul 31, 2006 11:45:23 GMT -5
Thanks, shin! That was a bit dizzying!
|
|
