New Digs...

[strat-0]

Guano grog all around! A toast to the Cave Dwellers!

[Clicker]

And FREE guano cakes!

In honor of Thumper's prodigal return...

[strat-0]

As we taxied out of Memphis this evening, I was perusing Northwest Airline's glossy mag, World Traveler, and I came upon this piece about a cruise to Antarctica:

But soon, the seas calmed and the white continent appeared on the horizon. Like the first celebratory moments of fresh air after being chained to a hospital bed, we greeted the smell of guano on Pelican Island, one of the South Shet-land Islands and officially part of Antarctica. The sky was bright, the glaciers blue, and a thousand scoops of vanilla ice cream covered the surrounding hills.

I love the smell of guano in the morning...

Made me think of something like this:

The sky was bright, the glaciers blue
Down the alley an ice wagon flew
Hit a bump and somebody screamed
You should have heard just a-what I seen
Who do you love?

Oh, yeah.

[Clicker]

Oh yeah.

[Thorngrub]

Hehheheh

[Thorngrub]

I hold the Seven-Bladed Windbreaker; the wheels that turn are behind me; I think *backwards*! I kidnapped the future and ransomed it for the past, I made *Father Time* wait up for me to bleed my giant lizard! Yes baby, I'm 13 feet tall and have 23 rows o' teats; I was suckled by a triceratops, I gave the Anti-Virgin a high-protein tonsil wash! I am a Crime Fighting Master Criminal, I am the last remaining Homo Correctus!

[stratman19]

strat-0 said:

As we taxied out of Memphis this evening, I was perusing Northwest Airline's glossy mag, World Traveler, and I came upon this piece about a cruise to Antarctica:

But soon, the seas calmed and the white continent appeared on the horizon. Like the first celebratory moments of fresh air after being chained to a hospital bed, we greeted the smell of guano on Pelican Island...

Let us take a moment, fellow cave dwellers, to give thanks to the bats and seabirds that are the only manufacturers of guano, a substance we all hold dear, on this good Earth.

Guano! Substance of the gods!

[Thorngrub]

Yes, yes yes....BUT! "Guano on Pelican Island" -?!?! What's wrong with this picture, ladies & gents? Pelicans crap Pelican-shit, not guano!!! Wutsup wit dat shit? It's wrong I tell ya, wrong.

Last I checked "guano" was exclusively a product mass produced by our furry little flyin critters.

Have a great Memorial Day Weekend, peeps. (And watch yer backs)

[strat-0]

This is an interesting point, Thorny. Perhaps there are caves on Pelican Island. Or maybe he refers to that cheap, guano-like substance that hardly makes your tomatoes grow large. But y'know, you can nail a pelican's feet to the ceiling, but you can't make him guano.

[stratman19]

Guano ('gwä-"no )- (n) : a substance composed chiefly of the excrement of seafowl and used as a fertilizer; also : a similar substance (as bat excrement or cannery waste) especially when used for fertilizer.


The study of guano history requires review and analysis of 19th century law, sociology, geography, philosophy, biology, and agriculture. This curious intersection should be of particular interest to American academics. Guano, and its fascinating history, is illustrative of America's diverse composition and its often conflicted interests.


In the 19th century guano's pursuit was fueled by a desire for better crops. Farmers, particularly those working the tired fields of the Eastern Seaboard, discovered that scattered bird droppings dramatically increased crop production. This finding created a demand for guano all along the Atlantic Coast. Early guano was mined domestically from reserves in North Carolina and other Southern states. As the use of guano grew, agronomists sought to discover why it worked. Scientists opined that the value of guano depended on its potency. Different varieties of guano were deemed better than others, based on the amount of nitrates retained in the product. It was soon realized that guano mined from exceptionally dry climates, where rainwater had not run off the nitrates, was far better as a fertilizer than other, more diluted phosphates. Guano, an increasingly valuable commodity, might be discovered outside of the US, in certain areas that would be ideal for its creation. A series of investigative missions sought to locate areas where such super productive guano might be found.


Britain, a country not unfamiliar with exhausted and under productive fields, located reserves of guano in a series of islands off of Peru. The product was mined and returned to Britain via schooner. American scientists soon discovered that this Peruvian variety of guano was far superior to the American type, and that its use could dramatically increase productivity.


Although an excellent fertilizer, Peruvian guano came to America at a great expense. Competition for phosphates between British, American, and, increasingly, European farmers, encouraged the government of Peru to raise taxes on their newfound source of wealth. Understanding that the resource, and the profits from the trading thereof, were finite, the British sought a monopoly from Peru on the mining and export of guano. This preemptive move by the British forced the Americans into the role of customers. American farmers passionately objected to paying the Crown for Peruvian guano, and voiced their objections to Congress.


At the heart of their protests was the cost of imported guano. Congress attempted to address this issue through a series of economic and diplomatic strategies. None of these attempts succeeded. On the economic front, a series of tariffs and incentives failed to curtail the British and Peruvians.


Finding no success at attaining Peruvian guano, the United States sought ot acquire new sources of the stuff. In 1856 Congress passed and President Buchanan signed the Guano Islands Act. The Act read:


Whenever any citizen of the United States discovers a deposit of guano on any island, rock, or key, not within the lawful jurisdiction of any other Government, and not occupied by the citizens of any other Government, and takes peaceable possession thereof, and occupies the same, such island, rock, or key may, at the discretion of the President, be considered as appertaining to the United States.


Guano expeditions drew on the expertise of the country's best cartographers and naturalists, hired by maritime speculators seeking uncharted and fertile islands. Complex, dangerous, expensive missions began in Baltimore and other cities and concluded on undiscovered patches of land in the Pacific. The discovery of these islands challenged Congress, academics, and the courts to protect these new US possessions, and the people who worked them. While statesman debated laws to protect new properties, ex-slaves from Maryland worked most slavishly on Navassa Island in the Caribbean.


Within fifty years, the importance of guano was forgotten. In some places, like lonely Clipperton Island in the North Pacific, there was nothing left to mine. More importantly though, by 1900, better, synthesized fertilizers had been discovered and were widely available. The men who worked guano islands came home, and the companies that owned guano islands dissolved. The guano was gone, or in cases where it was still there, the men were gone from the islands.


Scraps of the guano islands remained though. Issues of jurisdiction and property law were and continue to be influenced by developments in the law around guano islands. America ended the guano period with a host of new possessions. Some of these had strategic importance. During the Second World War, some of the islands became tactically important during the American island hopping efforts against the Japanese. It has been alleged that the CIA used guano islands during the Cold War to set up listening posts around Cuba and Nicaragua.


This effort seeks to encourage the study of guano. Articles on these pages will discuss the actual history of the trade, the islands, and the substance. Guano.com will entertain ideas for the future of certain islands, as well as reflection upon the impact of guano from a variety of perspectives.


Thank you,


Nick P Editor, The Guano Review, Guano.com

If anyone chose to read that, I hope I'm vindicated. You gettin' this Thorny?! Smell the guano, be one with the guano!

[stratman19]

and furthermore...
n. pl. gua·nos



A substance composed chiefly of the dung of sea birds or bats, accumulated along certain coastal areas or in caves and used as fertilizer.

[mellie]

eewwwwwwww

[strat-0]

Well, there we have it! I guess we stand corrected, Thorn! Nice job, stratman! I still feel bat guano is the shit, though.

[mellie]

There is always cow guano.... if you live in Wisconsin you know what Im talking about.

[ScottsyII]

Mmmmmmm.... cowalicious!