the Really, How Can I Be So Awesome? Thread

[frag]

I was just sitting here, drinking some rum intermixed with the coke, and I started thinking about how awesome I am. I wish I could just sleep with myself because I'm so awesome.

Haven't you ever just dressed up all hot and sexy, with some panty hose and a leather jacket, dolled up real nice and taken a picture, only to find that you're more attracted to yourself than anyone else ever will be? Yeah...

Anyway...
Hi, my name's Frag. It's a Christian name, but it's really latin for Fucking Really Awesome Guy. Because I'm so fucking awesome. Today, I kicked this fat dude in the nuts 'cause he was so not awesome. Then when he was down bouncing around on his blubber I kicked him again. Because I'm so awesome.

Then I saw this girl. And she was hot so I had sex with her. She didn't even have to consent. Because I'm so awesome.

After that, I took a nap. Because I'm so awesome

My life story is basically this. I was born on a very cold Tuesday. I remember it very well because as soon as I popped out of that vergina, the doctor slapped my ass and said, "It's a...REALLY AWESOME BOY!" And everyone in the room burst into applause at my awesomeness. Because I'm so awesome.

After that I went to school, which proved that I was way awesomer than anyone I'd ever come into contact with.

When I was done with school, I proceeded into my awesomeness by kicking random guys in the balls. And sleeping with random ladies. They all thought I was awesome.

I'm currently working on an autobiography entitled Awesome: Don't You Wish You Were Me? So far no publisher's will touch it because they're clearly too afraid to confront my how awesome I am with financial backing.

So yeah, to sum it all up...I'm really fucking awesome. I just want everyone to know.

I'm also drunk.

[frag]

[glow=black,2,300]Did You Know?[/glow] I am so awesome it hurts.

look at the previous post to verify.
Just look at it. And you'll know.

[limitdeditionlayla]

haha.

[riley]

gold. pure gold.

[sisyphus]

you like Sedaris, don'tcha Frag.... lol. i especially enjoyed the hick vernacular schlippin in every now and then, like "vergina" haha

[frag]

Actually, I was thinking of that Family Guy where the gynocologist told Meg, "Let's have a look at that Vergina, Meg."

and how dare you all intrude upon my awesomeness. scat! i'm loving myself in here. you know, in the nude. Actually i've got a PJ shirt on. But that's pretty close

Damn I'm awesome

[limitdeditionlayla]

I get the feeling Frag is playing with himself.

That doesn't detract from any awesomeness.

[sisyphus]

the universe does, after all, exist thanks to divine masturbation.

[riley]

I think Frag passed out

I read Sedaris in Esquire and GQ a while back. Fantastic pieces. Was looking at a couple of his full lnegth paperbacks. Worth picking up Sis?

[sisyphus]

definitely. they are absolutely hilarious. my favorites are "me talk pretty one day" and "naked." they are so good that i can allow myself to forget them by ignoring them for a year or two, and then when i re-read them, i'm laughing out loud again. he is sooooooo good. sara vowell and david rakoff trail far behind sedaris' genius.

ever read "fierce pajamas: a collection of humor writng from the new yorker" or something like that? if you like sedaris you'll love this collection...

[riley]

cool thanks.

[someone]

I like the Sedaris story where the chick starts a riot at her own funeral. Awesome.

[sisyphus]

lol... me too. the reason i originally compared frag with sedaris was because of that story where he talks about how all anybody can look at at are him and his amazingly amazing family, even the minister at church....sho good.

[rockysigman]

Frag. Dude. I was already going to vote for you for Best Overall Poster, but then you had to come out with this? What is this, some sort of Poster Awards campaign? Where you put on a big show for everyone to make a case for yourself? Sort of pathetic, isn't it?

By the way, you're totally fucking awesome. I wish I were you, because you're the most awesome guy I've ever known. Awesome.

[frag]

rockysigman said:

What is this, some sort of Poster Awards campaign? Where you put on a big show for everyone to make a case for yourself? Sort of pathetic, isn't it?

Shit, it was that transparent.
I unpassed out. I drank a bunch, but I'm awesome so I can hold my booze, y'know?

Sedaris is a hack. Dude learned everything he knows from Frag, who is now so awesome he is going to refer to himself in 3rd person.

Other hacks that have ripped off Frag and his awesomeness:

• Radiohead
  
• Aqua Teen Hunger Force
  
• Russel Crowe
  
• Abbie Hoffman
  
• funny Family Guy (unfunny Family Guy has nothing to do with Frag)
  
• Jackass (only not gay but funny)
  

Actually, pretty much anything awesome that has ever happened was, in one way or another, Frag's idea.

For example, about 10 minutes ago Frag awoke from some fucking crazy shit dream about tornadoes after a night of binge drinking. He then decided it would be a great idea to eat a pop tart with a glass of milk and smoke a cigarette. For the record, it was an awesome idea. Look for the forthcoming biopic starring Rob Lowe as Frag. It will be directed by Harvey Fierstein. And it will be awesome. But only because it was Frag's idea.