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Post by RocDoc on Aug 3, 2004 13:32:27 GMT -5
Character-building? Damn, there's one person not in need of more 'character'...and that would be you! ;D
What's this about moving in w/yer folks?
Someone said you were just on vacation, er, 'holiday', whatever? THAT would certainly be no vacation...an endurance contest maybe...
Good luck Riley ol' boy...
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Post by samplestiltskin on Aug 3, 2004 15:09:33 GMT -5
Ergh. Living with your parents after 21. I'd prefer death. This should be interesting...  |
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Post by JesusLooksLikeMe on Aug 6, 2004 12:42:04 GMT -5
Riley - Is your own house being renovated, or did you just get nostalgic about being caught wanking by your mother? Well, I think I can speak for everyone else in saying we ALL miss those furtive teenage days of being discovered mid-hand shandy by Riley's mum.
Anyway, more to the point, when do we get to read about Sunday lunch?
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Post by riley on Aug 9, 2004 4:43:15 GMT -5
New home construction. Hence the reason for the move back home. Should be moving into the new place tomorrow. Thank fuck.
======================
Yesterday's lunch.
Riley's Mom: "I don't know why it's taking so long to get a seat"
Riley: "Mom we've been here for like two minutes"
Riley's Dad: "Still not great customer service though is it?"
Riley: "Do you guys have big plans for the afternoon otr something? What's the panic? Just relax."
Riley's Mom: "Well I think it's godamn ridiculous!"
Riley: "Well if you'd prefer to sit in the car, I can arrange for you to be fed with a sling shot"
Riley's Dad: "Always the smart ass eh?"
Riley: "Well if you think about..."
"Your table for four is ready"
Riley's Mom: "Well it's about time"
"What would you like"
Riley: "Could I have the vegetarian pasta and a large hole to crawl into so I can eat it accompanied with simply my own sanity rather than the nagging embarassment of this whole experience thus far"
Riley's Mom: "Why don't you get some sausage with that pasta?"
Riley: "Mom, I don't eat meat. Haven't for almost 5 years"
Riley's Mom: "Well I think it's godamn ridiculous!"
Riley's Dad: "I can't imagine not eating meat. Why the hell do you think they grow chickens and cows?"
Riley: "I'm not sure Dad. I'm guessing that most cattle producing companies figured there was a growing market for old men who wanted a product that would rot properly in their collective colons. Brilliant marketing actually since you don't just get the initial pleasure of biting into a flesh like product, but moreover it's like you've invested in the meat, carrying it around in your arse like a kangaroo with its young."
Riley's Dad: "Oh so now you're too good for us is that it?"
Riley: "Not at all. I love you guys, you're just both getting a little bit fucking eccentric"
Riley's Dad: "That reminds me, have you seen that new show With Jim Belushi?"
Riley: " Yeah it looks pretty shitty."
Riley's Dad: "What! You pretentious little..."
Riley's Mom: "$5.99 for a chicken salad sanwich! They better have hand cut french fries."
Riley: "Mom it's Smitty's not Buckingham Palace. What do you want for $5.99"
Riley's Mom: "Well I think it's godamn ridiculous!"
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Post by Thorngrub on Aug 10, 2004 8:56:27 GMT -5
Well, I think that's goddamn hilarious. ;D
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Post by Galactus on Sept 7, 2004 22:33:48 GMT -5
Riley, you sir are one funny bastard. I haven't laughed this hard in while. My mom just keeps asking me if I'm alright and then insisting I should tell her what's wrong even after I tell her a hundred times that nothing's wrong...then she tells me I have to bring Grace down because she bought her something. My dad and I have pretty enjoyable musical and political discussions...not funny mind you... I guess the funniest thing thing about my dad is that he adds to a topic that everyone else has been done with for an hour and he says things so you'll ask him what he's talking about. an example...
Mom- Have you talked top your brother?
me- talked to himm yesterday he didn't really say much though.
Mom- Are you ok?
Dad- You watch gas prices will go down around late Oct.
Me- yeah probably... did Zach (my brother) say when he was coming home.
Mom- I think he said maybe next week.
Me- He said he got a new job.
Dad- I think her names Irene or Debbie...
Me- What in God's name are you talking about?
Dad- Bill's wife.
Me- What the hell? Who is Bill?
Dad- His brother Greg died.
Me- That's sad. I still have no idea what you're talking about.
Dad- I couldn't remember his wife's name.
Me-....
Mom- You can tell me if something's wrong.
Not so much funny but this is the structure of most of our conversations.
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Post by riley on Sept 8, 2004 5:17:43 GMT -5
Absolutely funny DED. I think what's even funnier is how we all have very similar relationships with our parents as time passes, yet somehow we think the conversations we're having are somehow different from others in our age bracket.
I know I'm never having kids though, since I'm just not prepared to set myself up for any kind of ridicule.
Riley's Son: "Dad, Radiohead are terrible. No one listens to them anymore. Get over it. Your old, fat, and before you retired you were a sellout corporate whore with no sense of identity, since you cloaked your personal worth in material things and a strange obsession with pop culture and internet friends who I'm quite sure never even fucking existed."
No thanks.
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Post by Galactus on Sept 8, 2004 9:22:56 GMT -5
Kids are awesome. Last night my daughter told my wife she had to move out and she'll come find you to tell you she just ate a booger.
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Post by riley on Sept 8, 2004 9:41:05 GMT -5
That's hillarious. You're probably right, I just really like other people's kids. They're cute, they're futhey're not my responsibility.
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Post by tuneschick on Sept 8, 2004 10:56:12 GMT -5
I get a serious kick out of kids too. Since I've been a teenager, there have been times that I've asserted "I'm never having kids" - but I know now that it's not true, that I DO really want kids. Two at most though.
My nephew will be 3 in a couple weeks, and is quite honestly the funniest kid I've ever met (not that I'm biased or anything.) My sister-in-law was talking to my mom on the phone last week, and was asking I was in a contract position for 20 months and had to compete to get the permanent position... and they were being really slow to give me the results.)
When my mom told her that I still hadn't heard, she said "That's fucking stupid." She didn't realize my nephew had come upstairs and was in the next room until she heard his indignant voice from the other room yell, "Mommy, don't say stupid!"
I laughed til I cried...
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Post by luke on Sept 8, 2004 12:24:36 GMT -5
Oh man I never want kids. They scream all the time and poo themselves. Closest I ever want to get is a dog, and we've been railing over even that responsibility, debating whether or not we want to have to call a sitter every time we take off to the beach for a week.
She's convinced her motherly instincts will never kick in, and her godchild is all she'll ever need. I fucking hope so, because man, I love blowing money, and I love going anywhere at a moment's notice. Not to mention that the world is such a crappy, boring place now. Kids aren't allowed to do anything fun anymore. And I don't want some shithead know-it-all fifteen year-old prick telling me off.
I think it'd be really selfish if I ever had kids. Like, I'd be doing it for my own conceited motives.
Not to judge anyone else...just how I feel.
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Post by Mary on Sept 8, 2004 12:25:48 GMT -5
Recent conversation between me and my mom, last time I visited Boston:
Me: Mom, why on earth is there a framed picture of Kerry and Edwards hanging on the hallway wall??
Her: Oh, they sent that to me because I donated money to the campaign.
Me: And then it magically hung itself on the wall?
Her: (instantly screaming at the top of her lungs) WHY DO YOU INSIST ON MAKING FUN OF ME EVERY TIME YOU VISIT?? YOU ACT LIKE A TEENAGER AND YOU'RE ABOUT TO TURN 28! (ed's note: I am, in fact, about to turn 27, meaning my mother has no idea how old I am anymore, but putting that issue aside...) You have no grace.
Me: Woah, calm down. I was just kidding. But really, why did you hang the picture on the wall?
Her: I wanted to do what I could to support the campaign.
Me: Yeah, I'm sure the picture hanging inside your house, where only you and dad can see it, is going to convince lots of people to vote for Kerry.
Her: (apropos of absolutely nothing) I don't know how you can live with yourself if you vote for Nader.
Me: Huh? I'm not voting for Nader.
Her: Are you just telling me that or is it true?
Me: If I was going to lie, why wouldn't I just keep lying now?
Her: I'm serious. I need to know if you're voting for that Republican shill.
Me: Jesus mom, I'm not voting for him. I don't think he's a Republican shill though.
Her: The only person on earth worse than Nader is Mel Gibson.
Me: You think Nader and Mel Gibson are the worst people on earth?? What about murderous tyrants and child molesters and Hootie and the Blowfish??
Her: Hootie and the Blowjob??
Me: WHAT??
Her: What is Hootie and the Blowjob?
Me: (in my head) This is the single most disturbing thing that has ever happened in my life. (out loud) Hootie and the Blowfish, mom. God. How could you have misheard that?
Her: Well I don't know, your music collection is so weird, I wouldn't be surprised if you listened to a band called Howie and the Blowjob.
Me: This conversation really really needs to end. I'm going to read a book.
****
Ahhh parents.
Cheers,
M
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Post by luke on Sept 8, 2004 12:28:21 GMT -5
Oh man, that's absolutely hilarious that your mother has John Kerry framed on the wall.
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Post by Mary on Sept 8, 2004 12:36:53 GMT -5
Oh man, that's absolutely hilarious that your mother has John Kerry framed on the wall. Hilarious for you, perhaps. Mortifying for me. |
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Post by Galactus on Sept 8, 2004 12:37:59 GMT -5
A call woth my mom:
It's been really nasty here with hurricanes and tornados...heavy rain and high winds...
I'm 28 and I haven't lived at home for seven years...
Me- Hello?
Mom- When are you coming home?
Me- Uh...I am home.
Mom- When did you get home?
Me- I dunno twenty mintues or so...
Mom- Ok I can go to bed now.
Me- Goodnight mom.
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