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Post by samplestiltskin on Jul 2, 2004 11:56:22 GMT -5
Top Ten Things To Do To Cheer Up(in no particular order) 1. watch an Invader Zim episode. in twenty minutes you'll be laughing at worthless sick humor too hard to think about your own worthlessness. available on kazaa. 2. call up an old friend. pull yourself out of your black box by listening to what's going on in THEIR life. don't have any old friends? talk to a stranger. you'd be amazed at how many people need to talk, desperately. they're lonely. strike up a conversation. when you show an interest, it brightens their day in a huge way. 3. treat yourself. personally i like baskin robbins frozen coffee things, so every once in a while i cheer myself up with one and revel in my fat american consumerist shallowness.  or buy a new album. whatever will bring some endorphins in. 4. exercise. activity stimulates the release of endorphins. take a walk outside, fresh air, take your dog for a walk, take someone else's dog for a walk! 5. take pictures. go somewhere, take a camera, snap whatever strikes you. it's another way of getting outside yourself. realising there's more out there than you thought. 6. write. just write what's going through your head. dunno why, but it always feels a little better when you write it out. 7. hug somebody. 8. clean. blast some rolling stones and do the dishes, scrub the shower walls, throw away stupid clutter. it's something to occupy your mind, plus when you're done everything is.. cleaner. hey. 9. do drugs. not all the time. a lot of people will disagree with me on this, but sometimes i swear to god there's nothing in the world that'll pull me out of my misery but three shots of jager. 10. MUSIC. everybody here knows what i'm talking about.
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Post by Thorngrub on Jul 2, 2004 14:03:57 GMT -5
Or you can mix up a batch of muffins and eat em yerself!!!  |
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Post by samplestiltskin on Jul 2, 2004 14:45:57 GMT -5
Gr! Gr's so great.
I just went for a long walk, picked up The Killers at Indie Records for ten dollars, Skinny Puppy at WaxTrax for sixteen dollars, a Legendary Pink Dots concert poster for free, and applied at McDonalds, because if I don't, unemployment will refuse me my money.
Yeah, I spend $26 on music but my refrigerator is empty and I've been eating tortilla chips for the last two days. I guess I know where my priorities are.
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Post by Proud on Jul 2, 2004 17:28:23 GMT -5
"Btw, I hereby declare myself queen of this board."
hmm... but i'm king...
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Post by samplestiltskin on Jul 2, 2004 18:36:34 GMT -5
I suppose I can let you be king. In theory at least.  |
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Post by stratman19 on Jul 2, 2004 18:58:30 GMT -5
Nice list samples.  |
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Post by Proud on Jul 2, 2004 19:14:37 GMT -5
"I suppose I can let you be king. In theory at least." woo hoo!  wait, bono... how'd you get here? |
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Post by Proud on Jul 14, 2004 21:33:22 GMT -5
i don't know how to say this, but i feel pretty lonely right now. let me put it this way... i used to have two siblings here with me, and now i have zero. and my sister... i'm so nervous and sad about what may be happening. but i don't know if it's necessarily a bad thing that is happening.
... i don't know how to explain this. it can get lonely without family... without someone closer to talk to...
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Post by Meursault on Jul 14, 2004 22:27:58 GMT -5
I am KING of this board.
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Post by samplestiltskin on Jul 18, 2004 14:14:22 GMT -5
Proud, tell us more about what's going on. Sometimes the best thing to do is vent.
I’m suddenly very, very depressed again. I feel like, ‘you dumbass, you KNOW you don’t have to feel like this, all you have to do is tell yourself to be positive and happy. Why are you letting yourself feel like this?’ And I guess the truth is, because I want to. I don’t want to be happy anymore. It’s great to toy around with the idea of suicide again, The Great Escape. Maddening because I really can’t do that, but comforting because.. fuck, because this is the mental place I grew up in, and now that I feel SO alone again, I just want to feel like I’m home. And feeling miserable is home.
I love my roommate very much. Not “in love” really. But very attached to and attracted to. So, these last few weeks have been great. Turns out, though, that I didn’t notice that he’s been feeling really down the last few weeks. Still getting over a bad breakup (3 months ago) and he kept waiting for me to ask him why he was so unhappy. Well, stupid me, I didn’t notice. I mean, I did, but it’s so natural to be unhappy for me that I guess I didn’t think there was a specific reason. So he finally told me he’s been thinking non-stop about A, his ex-gf, and is miserable, and that he doesn’t want to get into any kind of physical relationship with me because he doesn’t think it’s a good idea, and he doesn’t want to live with a girlfriend again. (Like, live in the same place.) He’s afraid of getting burned again, of course. And also disappointed that I didn’t notice he was down.
This guy was the reason my life was getting so much better. He cared and wanted to help and was a really great friend. We slept in the same bed, always go out together... the boundaries were very vague to me. I geuss that’s why I got so attached. Now I’m a little hurt, okay, a LOT hurt. I feel stupid for not recognizing he wanted to talk and needed help, stupid for getting so attached, and most of all a deep humiliating sense of rejection. Ouch, man. I love him and he doesn’t want me.
Standard shit, I know, but it’s thrown me right back into thinking about dying all the time. I don’t want to try to lift myself up anymore because the main reason I was doing it was to be worth his love. There’s some anger in there too, so I feel a bit spiteful towards him, I’ve got no excuse for that really but I still feel it. It’s the rejection and humiliation.
I just feel so very fucking alone. My mom is the only other person I’ve stayed alive for, and now she’s being completely evil and I don’t feel close to her at all. I don’t feel close to anybody, and I’m so SAD. Pathetically sad enough to vent on a silly message board where maybe a few people who don’t even know me will read and not really care (don’t blame you either, don’t worry.) I just don’t know how I can keep living. But for now I guess I should go rinse this dye out of my hair. That’ll keep me busy.
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Post by Proud on Jul 18, 2004 14:29:19 GMT -5
always one thing leading to another, isn't it? as natural as depression may be at times, there's always a reason, unless it's a simple, chemical problem.
i can relate, about feeling depressed even when you tell yourself not to be. it's raining outside, and i'm sick of being in here. i've been listening to random songs today, and that does make me feel better, but i need someone to talk to. no human contact, and nowhere to walk. i do like rain sometimes, but when it's this heavy, to the point that there're flood warnings... it's annoying, being stuck home. i don't have anywhere to go right now, but i'm sure if i went on for a couple towns, i could find somewhere to go, or just joy in going that far, and having a cd or two on. that's what i do for exercise, and to get my head in gear. when that cycle's knocked off, i sit. and listen to music. and get bored because i'm listening to the same music again and again. and then i always look at sales stats, for unknown reasons.
as far as the family stuff goes, it's better now. i guess i overreacted with that. it was tough at first, but it's alright now.
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Post by samplestiltskin on Jul 18, 2004 14:39:30 GMT -5
I wish I could take your rain, and you could take my stifling heat/sunshine. I'm just as trapped as you -- it's simply too hot to go outside and do anything. Sunshine has always depressed me, too.
Sales stats. Does that make you feel better, or is itj ust something you find yourself doing when you're bored and down??
It's so weird. Today I have to drive to his parents' house and hang out. We do a lot of stuff together -- yesterday we all went to the races. And it's just so confusing, because fuck, his parents love me, all his friends think we should hook up, we're all constantly hanging out together, but I can't have him? How am I going to distance myself? Obviously I have to live with the guy. How is it not going to rip me apart when he starts dating again? Tell me what I should do, because if I don't find a way to not love him so much, I'm going to self-destruct..
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Post by Proud on Jul 18, 2004 14:43:36 GMT -5
i'd say keep going for what you want, especially if it's what he probably REALLY wants. it's interesting when people distance themselves when they really want/need each other.
not that i've had that problem, because the girls i like... they fall in love with someone else. it's happened time... and time... and time again. i guess that's what happens when you don't make any moves.
as far as sales stats go, i think it just makes me feel better when i see the stuff i like doing well. i'm not sure why, especially when we live in a country currently dominated by linkin park. ... nothing i'd want to touch with a 90 foot pole.
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Post by samplestiltskin on Jul 18, 2004 14:54:12 GMT -5
Bless your heart, Proud. How come love seems to turn out badly so often? It's like it's not a natural state or something. Just never seems to work and yet we're so unhappy without it. Bleh! So I should continue to act like I love him? I can't do that. It makes him feel uncomfortable. Plus I'm still a little angry, my pride's been hurt, etc, so I feel like I should just live my life and have very little to do with him, or else it's going to hurt. Sort of "fake it till you make it", if I fake like I don't care about him like that then I won't eventually? Agh, confusion. He says he just wants me to be a good friend to him. I guess I just don't know how. Feel quite inadequte. The things I say are always so stupid, I'd just rather keep my mouth closed and a low profile to keep from humiliating myself, but in order to be a good friend I really do ahve to talk to him. And if I talk to him, I'll LOVE him.  |
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Post by Proud on Jul 18, 2004 14:56:23 GMT -5
then you should love him when you feel like talking to him.
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or buy a new album. whatever will bring some endorphins in.
