|
|
Post by samplestiltskin on Jul 24, 2004 23:22:39 GMT -5
how can i feel sorry for ginsberg and his lion, wishing he'd killed it -- and not want the same for myself and my lion? how can i justify holding myself in such lower esteem? it does not make sense, and yet it is that way. analyzing is one thing (and i'm very good at it) but acting on analyzation and changing seems to be impossible. it's like i'm standing outside myself, watching shrewdly, taking notes.. but have no power to manipulate myself.
|
|
|
|
Post by samplestiltskin on Jul 24, 2004 23:23:46 GMT -5
good night you fiends. i must read more ginsberg.
|
|
|
|
Post by Proud on Jul 25, 2004 6:37:58 GMT -5
*feels love starved*
i would do aaaannnnything for love... but i won't do that...
|
|
|
|
Post by Thorngrub on Jul 27, 2004 13:58:16 GMT -5
That was the cutest lion poem I've read in a blue moon.
I thought it was so sad throughout -- until the end, when the lion got away and said, just like the Terminator, "I'll be back."
That made me a happy lion poem reading boy.
Still -- the sad parts were terribly sad. *sniffle*
|
|
|
|
Post by Meursault on Jul 28, 2004 7:55:16 GMT -5
I've been pretty depressed lately, i hope the city really does blow away this bum fuck valley.
|
|
|
|
Post by samplestiltskin on Aug 2, 2004 12:32:33 GMT -5
Sorry to hear you've been down, Shitson... Guess I've been mostly numb lately. Which you'd think would be better than down, but it drives me nuts that I can't feel anything. Just a huge empty choking feeling.
Didn't get that job that promised to be a sure thing. I guess all this time one of my references has been badmouthing me. People suck!! He's so nonconfrontational -- when I talk to him he's all agreeable and then finally I find out he's been a bad reference the whole F-ing time. Bleh.
Other than that. Numbness. I feel nothing, am nothing. Ho hum.
|
|
|
|
Post by Meursault on Aug 2, 2004 19:25:25 GMT -5
You like good music samples. I have been good lately, i think i just have messed up brain chemistry or something.  |
|
|
|
Post by samplestiltskin on Aug 3, 2004 9:40:15 GMT -5
As soon as I get a job, I want to find another therapist, yeah. And a gym. I figure I could either buy drugs or help. I choose help.
|
|
|
|
Post by Thorngrub on Aug 3, 2004 11:43:39 GMT -5
[glow=brown,2,300]He's so nonconfrontational [/glow]
Man, I know someone like that. Makes me sick, it does. Maintaining this immaculate facade of extreme politeness (especially to girls). Lord howdy momma makes me wanna barf. I mean, this kid asks your permission if he wants to fucking think, he's that extreme. And he wonders why he can never get a date. Jesus Christ man, drop one ball, at least. He all looks down at his shoes and shit, while talkin atcha. The kind who knocking at your door before entering just isn't enough politeness -- after you open the door and say "Hey man!", he refuses to cross the line into your house unless you actually say it's okay, and invite him in and shit. I think he's a fuckin vampire, if you wanna know the truth. Somethin ain't right with that shit. If he ever gets a girlfriend, she's going to be reduced to begging at his feet to pleeease just bitchslap her, like once!
|
|
|
|
Post by Meursault on Aug 3, 2004 11:53:21 GMT -5
Hahaha I'm sorta like that, i've turned into a semijaded polite guy though.
|
|
|
|
Post by samplestiltskin on Aug 3, 2004 13:08:45 GMT -5
See, if you give out body language like that (looking at your shoes when talking to someone, being excessively "polite" -- "wussy" is more like it) then people are going to treat you accordingly. People generally tend you think of you as you think of yourself. If you don't think you're good enough to come into someone's office even when they welcome you with a "What's up?" or whatever, then people start to think of you as a low worm not worth stepping on. That and it's just plain irritating. Self-confidence is the key to getting respect/love. Even if you don't FEEL worthy of respect inside, at least act like you do.
Unfortunately this boss is not only non-confrontational but also extremely two-faced. A double-whammy. Told me it was fine to use him as a reference and then totally slammed me to the people who called him for it. God damn his miserable soul. His other employee told me he shoots dogs that come onto his property. Apparently it's just too much effort to call Animal Control and easier just to kill them.
|
|
|
|
Post by samplestiltskin on Oct 7, 2004 21:18:51 GMT -5
i killed my own board. just stopped in to say that i'm doing really well, i guess. healthy. therapy rocks. i learned how to recognize when the hurt little girl is taking control of me, and i smile and shake my head and send her kindly to a room where she'd be happy so that i can be in control. the therapist made me figure out what age i regress into when i think unhealthy thoughts, and i think it's about 13, so when i catch myself slipping into my 13-year-old thought patterns i put her in a big airy room with blue carpet and dark blue squishy furniture, where she's safe and doesn't have to hide or be scared, and i say "you stay here where you're happy, and i'll go on with my life." it's really cool. that way i'm being kind to myself and not blocking anything out, just dealing with things in a healthy way.
i apologise to everyone who's known me here, for being that hurt little girl, although i just wasn't ready to let her go. i can't be blamed, but i'm happy that i'm taking care of myself now, and i sort of wanted to say sorry to everyone for.... for whatever. peace, yo, etc.
|
|
|
|
Post by Philemon on Oct 7, 2004 21:38:46 GMT -5
Very cool indeed ...
Don't lose touch completely with that 13 y/o though
There must be(I hope)a few good memories
associated with her
|
|
|
|
Post by Proud on Oct 7, 2004 21:41:42 GMT -5
don't apologize. just be happy!
i've gone through a small amount of depression lately, but i seem to rebound everytime. i always viewed myself as weak, but lately i realize i'm actually emotionally and morally strong, when i let myself. but i get in the way of myself... i view my strengths as weakness, and purposely try to destroy them. i'm not sure why i do that, but at least i realize who i am, my flaws, and how i can improve myself.
my legs hurt from running around the track the other day. haha, my throat got so flemmy...
|
|
|
|
Post by samplestiltskin on Oct 7, 2004 21:43:46 GMT -5
Erm... yeah. There's always something good. *thinks hard....*  It's so unfamiliar being in a happy place. But great. I'm gonna get all sappy if I don't watch out. I finally got that new Wilco, from my real dad. Figures. An album of depression, just when I break free. Listening to it just makes me feel sorry for Tweedy though. And glad I don't have to be there anymore. |
|
