Post by Mary on Oct 11, 2005 17:07:01 GMT -5
one of these days i swear i'm going to learn that the minute i post about anything on RS, it instantly falls apart. literally within half an hour of posting that, i got this panicked email from said boy saying that we needed to be just friends. more to it than that, of course, but that was the basic message.
fuckin a.
life really is like a wong kar wai movie, i swear. it's just like - all these people, haunted by their painful memories, ruined by past experiences, bumping into each other in the night and passing along their own heartbreak. not because they're mean and cruel but because they're wounded. so we just keep passing our wounds onto each other.
i know it's not always like this. i know there are people with happy stories. i've just never had my happy story, so the wong kar wai approach really resonates with me. all that nostalgia, all that what-might-have-been, all that if-we-had-only-met-at-another-time, all those memories, all those fleeting encounters that never come to anything because of circumstances. it's almost too bad i saw 2046 so recently, because i can't help reading the main character of that movie into this guy. i hope he'll go see it.
now, my friends are all like - run away. this guy fucked you over, you won't be able to be just friends with him without feeling hurt all the time, run. but that's never been my impulse. i know more than ever now that this is a guy with a story, and i want to know his story. every time i listen to a patsy cline song, i want to know who broke her heart. every time i see a wong kar wai movie, i want to know who broke his heart. now i want to know who broke this guy's heart, when it happened, how it felt, how he's dealing with it, what it's going to mean to him today, tomorrow, in 5 months, in a year. i want to understand this guy. i feel like if i can understand him, indeed, if i can become a good friend to him, i'll understand more about myself, too.
so - i hope i'm not the world's biggest chump, but yeah, i will be his friend. i realized as i drifted from angry music to sad music in my 20s that i'm not a very angry person. when people screw me over, it makes me sad for the human condition generally, but it doesn't make me angry at that person. maybe this is unhealthy. maybe i should be angry. it's weird but i think i suffer from terminal niceness. i want other people to be happy. i know part of the reason this guy is freaked out is because he already has his sadness, and how could i possibly add to anybody's sadness??
....ok. back to job applications. another might-have-been - over.
M
fuckin a.
life really is like a wong kar wai movie, i swear. it's just like - all these people, haunted by their painful memories, ruined by past experiences, bumping into each other in the night and passing along their own heartbreak. not because they're mean and cruel but because they're wounded. so we just keep passing our wounds onto each other.
i know it's not always like this. i know there are people with happy stories. i've just never had my happy story, so the wong kar wai approach really resonates with me. all that nostalgia, all that what-might-have-been, all that if-we-had-only-met-at-another-time, all those memories, all those fleeting encounters that never come to anything because of circumstances. it's almost too bad i saw 2046 so recently, because i can't help reading the main character of that movie into this guy. i hope he'll go see it.
now, my friends are all like - run away. this guy fucked you over, you won't be able to be just friends with him without feeling hurt all the time, run. but that's never been my impulse. i know more than ever now that this is a guy with a story, and i want to know his story. every time i listen to a patsy cline song, i want to know who broke her heart. every time i see a wong kar wai movie, i want to know who broke his heart. now i want to know who broke this guy's heart, when it happened, how it felt, how he's dealing with it, what it's going to mean to him today, tomorrow, in 5 months, in a year. i want to understand this guy. i feel like if i can understand him, indeed, if i can become a good friend to him, i'll understand more about myself, too.
so - i hope i'm not the world's biggest chump, but yeah, i will be his friend. i realized as i drifted from angry music to sad music in my 20s that i'm not a very angry person. when people screw me over, it makes me sad for the human condition generally, but it doesn't make me angry at that person. maybe this is unhealthy. maybe i should be angry. it's weird but i think i suffer from terminal niceness. i want other people to be happy. i know part of the reason this guy is freaked out is because he already has his sadness, and how could i possibly add to anybody's sadness??
....ok. back to job applications. another might-have-been - over.
M
