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Post by samplestiltskin on Oct 2, 2006 12:49:13 GMT -5
you're probably 62. dirty old man.
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Post by Kensterberg on Oct 2, 2006 12:50:49 GMT -5
Rocky's still 17. He stays the same, only his picture gets older.
Makes it hell on him to get into clubs, though.
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Post by rockysigman on Oct 2, 2006 12:59:11 GMT -5
I don't go to "clubs".
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Post by samplestiltskin on Oct 2, 2006 12:59:59 GMT -5
(just the shriners. show them your red fez, sigman. it's very becoming.)
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Post by Kensterberg on Oct 2, 2006 13:01:00 GMT -5
See? He gets turned away all the time b/c he's still 17. Ah, the curse of perpetual youth. ;D |
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Post by sisyphus on Mar 8, 2007 4:29:44 GMT -5
just bumped into this thread and read through page 1. makes me wish some of those peeps were still around.
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Post by samplestiltskin on Mar 20, 2007 22:03:17 GMT -5
God I was so young when I found this board. It was my first year in college, my first year out in the world after being locked up in a house for 6 years and not seeing anyone but my stepsister and my parents. Sometimes I'm not sure if I could actually have qualified as a Person at 16, having had so little experience of anything but sick things that I erased. I was blank from all the erasing I did, and it became such a habit that I continued to erase even when I shouldn't have. Blank from age 8 to 22, pretty much. I have only a few clear memories from all those years, and even they don't seem real. I can't imagine how anyone could have thought they were talking to a real Person when they talked to me either. Who were they seeing?
And it doesn't matter what they say, you never really get a childhood again. "Young at heart" maybe. Not even that. Your experiences cannot allow it. So you mourn a little, and pick up this blank soul and start to write, a little awkward and embarrassing, like learning to ride a bike at 40. You just take it from there, apologize to all the folks who interacted with your blank soul, forgive yourself for something that really wasn't your choice. It's all good.
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Post by Ayinger on Mar 20, 2007 22:18:21 GMT -5
I wish I was in touch with myself and those things around me as I was back when I made posts at RS....thought I was tired then,,,,but so, so more tired now that I don't even wish to write anymore.
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Post by strat-0 on Mar 20, 2007 22:20:47 GMT -5
I talked to a real person about Magno. I'm talking to a real person now. Sorry I was a prick, samps.
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Post by samplestiltskin on Mar 20, 2007 22:21:30 GMT -5
What is so different now? I notice that too. Posting on a board like this the way we all used to doesn't seem possible anymore, but I don't understand what has changed.
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Post by samplestiltskin on Mar 20, 2007 22:30:47 GMT -5
I talked to a real person about Magno. I'm talking to a real person now. Sorry I was a prick, samps. Oh, Magnolia. Dammit. Her death was the moment I consciously stepped into depression and wanted to stay. I am sorry to everyone that cared strat, because I was not capable of feeling cared about. I'm not kidding when I say I erased everything. I know that we talked, and I know it was deep, but I erased that with everything else. Not consciously. I'm not a bad person. But I feel like a shit having people care about me like that and them just throwing love into a wastebasket without knowing. Whatever! I'm here now, and I struggle to make memories, but I do. I want to feel awake again too, Don! Let's get excited. I admire sisyphus for spewing out that stream-of-consciousness, wayved for his rolling hills of a mindscape, Mary for her amazing sharp mental acuity, I am jealous of all of them! Let's all wake up. Can you imagine what would happen if everyone in the world woke up? Earth would probably melt down. |
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Post by sisyphus on Mar 21, 2007 3:01:19 GMT -5
God I was so young when I found this board. It was my first year in college, my first year out in the world after being locked up in a house for 6 years and not seeing anyone but my stepsister and my parents. Sometimes I'm not sure if I could actually have qualified as a Person at 16, having had so little experience of anything but sick things that I erased. I was blank from all the erasing I did, and it became such a habit that I continued to erase even when I shouldn't have. Blank from age 8 to 22, pretty much. I have only a few clear memories from all those years, and even they don't seem real. I can't imagine how anyone could have thought they were talking to a real Person when they talked to me either. Who were they seeing? And it doesn't matter what they say, you never really get a childhood again. "Young at heart" maybe. Not even that. Your experiences cannot allow it. So you mourn a little, and pick up this blank soul and start to write, a little awkward and embarrassing, like learning to ride a bike at 40. You just take it from there, apologize to all the folks who interacted with your blank soul, forgive yourself for something that really wasn't your choice. It's all good. I don't really know your history (a little), Samps, but this post just made me cry. Something enigmatic and poignant/raw about it. I doubt that you were blank, though. And at least you were reaching out. As for erasure, I've learned from my own experience that it's kind of an illusion. "Hidden" is probably a better way to describe that process. As life moves forward, we tend to slowly uncover some of those things we'd thought we'd painted over. I guess it just happens when we're ready, and in the contexts of our present lives some of those awful things can become valuable and enriching. I don't mean for that to sound like some kind of hallmark card, I believe it. Still, I can definitely identify with this: |
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Post by sisyphus on Mar 21, 2007 3:03:47 GMT -5
I wish I was in touch with myself and those things around me as I was back when I made posts at RS....thought I was tired then,,,,but so, so more tired now that I don't even wish to write anymore. I know the feeling. It's almost a constant battle between feeling numb, tired, and jaded, and feeling awake, alive, and inspired. |
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Post by sisyphus on Mar 21, 2007 3:15:04 GMT -5
Let's all wake up. Can you imagine what would happen if everyone in the world woke up? Earth would probably melt down. Ya know how people say we're only using 10% of our brains at any given time? (I guess it's only those in the state of enlightenment who are totally awake...Do those people exist? Those smarmy little Buddahs?) Well, I think that humanity must be like that. Only 10% of us are truly awake at any given time, and these 10% are using up so much energy that it's all part and parcel that the rest of us sleep. Hopefully those that are awake can draw on the dreams of those of us that are sleeping. And hopefully one day we will all be able to keep our mental eyes open at the same time and see the world in 6-billion-dimensional vision. That's got to be wild. Anyway, kudos and cheers to awakening, even if it's never permanent. That reminds me of one of my favorite parts of One Hundred Years of Solitude.... The part where the whole town gets insomnia, and the longer they suffer with the disease of insomnia, the shorter their memories become, until they cannot even remember how to write their own names... Fascinating. So if our dreams contain/maintain our memories, do we truly want to be infinitely awake and lose them? I guess we'd always be living in the present, but it's a trade-off. I think there's something to it. Marquez is fucking brilliant. The science of sleep. Interesting stuff. Makes me want to revisit that movie, Until the End of the World. |
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Post by samplestiltskin on Mar 21, 2007 10:40:54 GMT -5
A great many people I've encountered appear to have spent their entire life sleeping. They don't understand when I talk about how it is to "wake up" briefly and be aware, connected, excited. How it is to feel your own Huge Fucking Power radiating out of your core, to suddenly realize how much impact you have and at the same time how insignificant your impact is. They don't understand. They can't understand, because they've never felt it before. I feel terrible for them, and part of me wants to blame them for not taking whatever invisible initiative ones makes in one's head to allow that enlightenment to come. Most of me just feels bad for them, because essentially it is a wasted life when you sleepwalk through it. Doing what you're told. Taking the tests, getting the job, getting the raise, the wife, the vacation, the retirement, the casket. Because that's what you do. They somehow can't imagine life outside the narrow telescope they're given at birth. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Mainly I've focused on making myself happy, whatever it takes. Because I can't go to a hospital again, ever. I told myself, if it took some stupid low-paying job that anyone could do but that I enjoy, so be it. If it took removing some people from my life, so be it. I've done that. And I've reached a state of comfort. Now it feels like I've got something else to do, something for my species and not just me, and it's maddening because I have no idea what that would be. I know whatever it is I could do it, but I don't know what the fuck it is. I am now opening this bottle of wine, for it hath been a long-ass night at work.  |
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