Quitting Smoking

[Paul]

So since Tuesday, I've been BAD!!!

Went out for a friends b-day Tues, she doesn't smoke, so while there, no worries (plus you can't smoke in DC bars). But, the 7-11 across the street was calling out to me, and I bought a pack of Camels and proceeded to have two smokes.

Wednesday I was on that shoot, and something about being part of the crew seemed right for smoking. Lugging all that equipment around with a smoke in my mouth just felt right. I then met out some friends for a beer and all in all that night I had like 6 smokes.

Yesterday, I had two smokes at work, and about four after work.

You know, I can feel it too! I mean after cutting back a bit, then smoking heavily (for me what I've done is heavy smoking) my chest feels all tight as if there's some weight on it.

Alright, it's time to be good again. I'll try to test myself this weekend and report back on Monday.

[upinkzeppelin2]

<--- "People who smoke say,'You don't know how hard it is to quit smoking.' Yes I do. It's as hard as it is to start flossing. 'You seem jittery.' Yeah, I'm about to floss."

[Ryosuke]

What?

[upinkzeppelin2]

A Mitch Hedberg joke. Ya dig?

[wayved]

Since strat aint here...right now. I was bad today. I smoked.

Was not a good day. My son was just having temper tantrums all day--we went to the grocery store and all we heard aisle after aisle was "what horrible parents! That kid needs to be smacked!" I was ignoring him cos anything I said to him would just make it worse. All these young couples saying "I hate kids" (i used to be that way--never HATE--but more like "I wish that kid would be quiet" etc...so I kept my cool. apologized my ass off as we got the shopping done as fast as possible. Hadnt smoked for a long damn time. My son has ISSUES.

So I was in the cheese aisle, almost done, stll trying to have a positive outlook--and apologizing for the noise--smiling --when I hear this old man saying "That son doesnt have a father....He needs a firm hand...." and my son is just wailing--making me upset too. He just escaped the cart and was running around screaming! Then I proceed to call the old man an asshole, a jerk--I almost blacked OUT!
Then the old man says "Hes annoying! No discipline...gonna wind up in jail...his parents dont care" He called my five year old "annoying."
(I understand that and I felt bad, but what am I gonna do? not eat? Im sure alot of people would rather hear Captain and Tenille over the loudpeaker than my kid SCREAMING for no reason--but listen fucker--your nuts are about to reach your throat there in a second.)
....but still freedom of speech carries its responsibilities and he got mine right back.
I said "What do you mean? Ive tried everything..i care about him more than myself...&^*% you..." then i ran and got my son back into the cart.
and then I pushed the cart immediately right next to him and his wife....where my son continued to scream his lungs out. "Is he annoying you? Is he annoying you even more now?" I asked.
The man soulfully apologized a few times before I pushed the cart away and I said some more stuff to him--I was shaking I was so pissed..anything to stop me from punching the dentures out of his mouth.
I said "im sorry we have ruined your shopping experience you *&% is your miracle whip alright then i blacked out and said some other shit. I was so pissed off.

So as we were putting the groceries in the car a man came up to us and said "As a child, I had alot of problems, I had nightmares while I was awake. The best thing you can do for your child is give him all the love you can." I explained that was what we are trying to do...I apologised as he had heard the exchange and he said "think nothing of that!"

I hate to say it but I had one when I got home. I felt bad cos I lost control of my emotions with some old git that needs to be sent away on an ice floe or something for one (even hating people like that isnt cool), and that my son just cant get happy.

Im cool now but man--if I can get away from assholes (i know im one alot of the time) this would be easy.

I think the key is just to not give a shit. To throw everyones opinions out the window and stick my head up my ass (like its not already there).

I smoked today.

[maarts]

Glen, you're human. there's sometimes nothing you can do to appease a crying child in a supermarket, car or airplane. People so easily judge and dismiss- what would they know? Have they ever seen you embrace your child lovingly, put him to bed, play with him in the garden or whatever?
I can so imagine your response to the old man. Lack of nicotine could have something to do with your state of mind. Lack of patience is certainly what those shoppers are suffering from. Their shit doesn't smell ever, does it? They will get caught someday in a similar situation and what would they do?

Mate, that smoke was deserved. Think nothing of it. Just keep on keeping on. You'll get there. You're a good man Albert Brown, nothing's gonna keep you down.

[wayved]

thanks a million maarts.

I was gonna delete it. its kinda funny now...no Im lying....its not..i dont know why i take everything so seriously. but man--i think thats the first time ever where i just felt so pissed off that I just went off and I cant remember what i said as i walked off.... I dont think it was lack of nicotine (solely), I think it was just me finally having enough.
I am gonna take an anger management class or something though. Some ANTI-sensitivity training would be cool too. "How to Ignore whats going on around you" they will give me a book on called "Youre Just Like Them so Grin and Bear It (the fine art of assimilation to the outside world)"-- a class like that is what I need.

I was at some shop today and whilst checking out, I looked at the cigarettes behind the counter. I looked at the logos. There was a big Marlboro sign. I wondered what stupid ass fucking marketing team came up with that. The font of the letters. Marlboro Miles? Remember that shit? Keep on raising the prices man. Pay off your lawsuits while people get addicted every day.
_____________________________________________________________________

By the way I got a call a few days ago--my Aunt died of lung cancer. Never smoked a day in her life. She was in her early 60s. I saw her last year and you would never ever ever know that something ghastly was happening.

[strat-0]

I'll second what Maarts said, Glen. Yeah, sure, most everyone has had the experience of being around a youngster who's misbehaving in public, and sure, it can be irritating. Big deal. Everybody has a bad day sometimes, even the little tykes. It must be tough from the parent's point of view. I've never been there. I mean, if it's in a theater or something, that's one thing - you can take them out of there and miss the movie, but hey, we've all got to live, go to market, travel where we have to go, etc.

~~~

I used to collect the Marlboro Miles back before you needed 470,000 to get a crappy lighter or hat. When the thing first came out they had good shit. I got two of the inflatable kayaks with which I have chuted the rapids on the Nantahala, and floated the Cahaba (with its few sets of remote natural rapids) numerous times. Had some great trips with those things, going as pairs of couples (float trips) and one-per-boat on rapids. Also got lots of other good shit - nice T-shirts, rain gear, grills etc, sleeping bags, before they got all bean-counter about the shit.

Sorry to hear about your aunt, Glen. One never knows... but it's still not a good idea to smoke, right?

I had to take two recertification tests tonight, and boy is that a stressor. When I finished, it sure would have been nice to have a good smoke. Argh! But I didn't. I have given myself permission to chew a piece of nico-gum if I have to, but as yet, I have managed to refrain. I'm afraid it would be risky. But I will try it before I'll light up again, if I have to. Woulda been sweet tonight, but here I am, all back to normal now and I didn't. ...Hope I passed the tests... I always do, but I sure get sick of having to take them over and over again. There's eight areas, and it seems like there's always one coming due (every five years each).

[maarts]

Hey Glen- just use this as your rubber room if you feel like bouncing up and down- sometimes putting into words what bothered you helps. And you might read it back later and think 'yeah, right, that's what happened'.

I am really sorry to hear about your aunt. It's tough to hear that she died of lung cancer and not even being a smoker, but then again, cancer doesn't discriminate in gender or in whatever form it will appear. I have prayed for a small miracle to happen and it did in my mother's case. In the meantime I hear that my grandfather has lymphomatic cancer and only a short time to live. Half of my family has been wiped out by cancer. I fear that I might contract it too one day but I don't smoke. I'd rather be killed by life but we'll see- I'm not gonna be scared about anything.

The Stressers' Club also has me for a member- in two weeks we have stocktake and I'm busting my tail to get everything organised and cleaned out. Already worked 35 hours this week....I'm exhausted.

[Ayinger]

Just wanted to pop in a moment and say that you people who are managing to get by on stretches without lighting up........fuck, that's some doing AND accomplishment. It's some REAL twisted shit to try to win over upon and biggest congrats on each and every stretch you manage to kick its ass!

Keep fighting that nasty fight and make those periods go longer and longer. Really people, like I said before: kick it to the fuckin' curb!!!

[wayved]

thanks for the words ayinger. tomorrow im gonna dust off the recording equipment...channel some of this.

Man maarts--I am really sorry to hear that. And people smoke, man. Egging it on. And people--people who dont do drugs, smoke, drink, change kitty litter, have sex out of wedlock, swear by their hymnals, eat healthy, workout everyday, the nicest kindest people--what have you--fall victim. No sense to it.

And I apologise for my whining too to everyone here..the things I have been going through arent too rough--am I posting here right? Just facts of life. Just trying to make sense of it all makes it seem like the odds are against me sometimes and I dont think the "odds" thing works at all......

By the way maarts what is a stocktake? try to relax if you can!

[maarts]

Stocktake is that moment in time (twice a year) where we have to scan every goddamned item in our shop and put the data in the computer, so we have an accurate tally of all our stocklevels.
Since my department houses about 62.000 CDs and 3000 music DVDs it means that me and my staff bust their tail for about 14 hours straight (one half hour to nosh away some horrid pizza) to count and recount everything correctly.
I really, really hate stocktake.
Before that I need to clear out all dead stock, fix up tons of paperwork, do orders and returns and credit claims and raaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh...what ever else happens.

People die in many unfair ways. Not only disease. Life sucks a lot of the time on a never-ending disastermint.

[Paul]

^^^
maarts, that sucks man! I used to work at a big electronic store, and we had inventory every year. That's basically the same thing, and boy did it ever suck! It would take sometimes until 3 in the morning to count everything! The warehouse items, and big things like speakers, tvs, stereos, etc...were all easy to count, but the little things - batteries, speaker wire, fuse plugs, cds, dvds, and all that sucked big time. I don't miss that shit at all.

wayved, Stick with it man! like maarts said, you're human is alright to blow a gasket from time to time. And I'm sorry to hear about your Aunt. My Grandmother died years ago from a lung disease, but she didn't smoke either.

I smoked some on Monday, two cigs, but haven't had one since.

[Fuzznuts]

Try doing inventory in a manufacturing facility for fire engines, spread across 4 plants. That's the definition of suck.

[Paul]

^^^
Yeah, that would probably get me to start smoking! Yikes! How long does something like that take?