Spousal Abuse

[maarts]

I think your daughter needs to hear the same words she told you when you were abused.
"You are a good person".
And how right she was.

What an amazing story. I am so glad you are out of that environment and now being treated with the love and respect you deserve.
Peace and strength to you and your family.

[chrisfan]

Maarts, you summed up my thoughts quite well.

KayJay, that is one of the most heart felt, honest pieces of writing I've read in a long time. I spent some time with a woman one time who grew up with an abusive father, and really did a good job of explaining what it is like to not have a place you can go (a home for most people) and know that you are safe. She really helped me to understand that effect of an abusive home better. Along the same lines, you have done a masterful job in what you wrote explaining how a relationship can get that far.

Thank God that you can reflect on all of that now being in the PAST. I hope that your daughter will be able to do the same sooner rather than later.

[skvorisdeadsorta]

Hey KayJay, I do alot of benefit gigs for Battered Womens groups all over Austin. Would you mind if I printed out that post and gave it to them as an honest testament?

That was a powerful piece you wrote. You are a beautiful person.

[KayJay]

Thanks to all of you for all the great support and help with my daughter's situation. I really appreciate it. I certainly didn't intend to make this about me at all. I did, however, want to try to explain how a person, male or female, can get into such a situation and why they cannot see that they have options and that they do not deserve to live in such a fashion.

Again... thanks ever so much. With your help I will be able, I hope, to help my daughter to never reach the point I had reached. The whole mess is still mind boggling to me, and I lived it!

Skvor, please feel free to print this out and share it. If it can possibly help someone, I would be happy. I only told a couple of the things that went on... the speakable. There is oh, so much more that is truly unspeakable at this point in time. The types of groups of which you speak are much like AA and NA, in both of which I firmly believe.

I'm awfully happy, though, that other women here haven't had to add their own experiences to this thread. THAT is quite a relief!!!

[KayJay]

I was just thinking about your request, Skvor, and I started chuckling to myself and just have to share my thoughts with you about this whole nasty cycle.

This just proves that good can come out of everything if we will allow it. My last paying job was as a motivational speaker. Imagine that! ;D I honestly believe that my life has allowed me to see things much differently than many other people can see things. For that I must thank that asshole ex husband of mine! hahaha I guess the joke's on him, isn't it! hahaha

[maarts]

Kayjay- as someone growing up in a 'milieu' where abuse was also a part of the family- the best thing you have is the absolute knowledge that abusers like your ex and Josh act out of pure weakness.
Their main threat is knowing that you are better and stronger than them and that frustrates them to no end.
By beatings and abuse they hope they can crack your spirit and lower your self-esteem and that's the only pleasure they get out of this relationship.
Love already has nothing to do with it- as you now know.

I can absolutely see you as a motivational speaker! Not only for the story you tell but the person you are.

[rockkid]

Wow what to say, except what a coc*ksucking bastard he was.