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Post by sisyphus on Mar 6, 2007 5:14:57 GMT -5
so after blathering on about all that human drama on the movie board, i thought i might try to start a thread wherein everyone helps contribute good questions that help us to examine ourselves and our motives from new angles. go ahead and throw in some sarcastic leading questions for good measure if you so desire. i know i know, this thread will probably find itself stillborn after just a day's attempt at exchange, but it's worth it to me and i'll be delighted if/when anyone bothers to contribute. actually, i want to pick your brains and if you come up with some good stuff i want to use it for something... don't worry...i'll ask permisson. bonus points for those who actually answer q's in addition to writing them.
anyway, here are some examples:
1. can i thoughtfully identify those things that give my life meaning? why do i derive meaning from these things?
2. how did i come to hold my current beliefs?
3. in what areas of my life do i find praise, love, acceptence, et cetera, and how does such reinforcement influence my identity?
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Post by dolly on Mar 6, 2007 15:24:45 GMT -5
1. can i thoughtfully identify those things that give my life meaning? why do i derive meaning from these things?
Why, when identified do I still insist on doing the opposite of what I know will make me happy?
Why is status/achievement so important to my own sense of self-worth when I couldn't give two hoots about the status/achievement of others?
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Post by dolly on Mar 6, 2007 15:32:15 GMT -5
i want to pick your brains and if you come up with some good stuff i want to use it for something...
Sorry, i should say that wasn't an attempt to provide some of the questions you seek - i guess they would need to be more abrstract/spiritual. But they are questions I often ask of myself as I contemplate what drives me to follow a course of action pretty much in the opposite direction to the one I think would make me happy. Why do I feel the need to achieve status in my career? I'm not motivated by the greasy pole, I just have a sense I will value myself less if I settle for a 'menial' occupation. I have no idea why that is.
What I really want to be is a farmer. That would rock jocksocks.
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Post by sisyphus on Mar 6, 2007 17:11:45 GMT -5
actually those questions were perfect. they're good ones to ask ourselves. i'm convicted by both. if anything, i want to try to work away from the abstract (i have a problem with that) and gather a list of more personal questions. thanks dolly!
i know exactly what you mean about the menial occupation thing. my parents emphasized education intensely, and just knowing that i'm not doing anything with my degree yet gives me a sense of angst about disappointing them. yet, when i sit back and stop beating myself up for not having made it as far as i'd expected i'd be by age 28, i realize i've gained a lot of valuable experience that i would not trade for the world, and that i'm actually quite happy.
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Post by sisyphus on Mar 6, 2007 17:12:24 GMT -5
what course of action are you taking that is leading you away from happiness?
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Post by dolly on Mar 7, 2007 16:46:51 GMT -5
yet, when i sit back and stop beating myself up for not having made it as far as i'd expected i'd be by age 28, i realize i've gained a lot of valuable experience that i would not trade for the world, and that i'm actually quite happy.
Exactly. I think that's partly the key to spiritual freedom, casting off all the mental shackles you put on yourself in regards to how others measure uccess and happiness, and just being who you want to be.
It's casting off those mental shackles I find difficult. It's not parents or successful friends I feel pressure from, it's always myself - I think.
I want a life without pressure, stress, and the daily 14 hour mental marathon, but in reality I thrive on it.
what course of action are you taking that is leading you away from happiness?
I'm at a cross roads life-goal wise and I don't know which path to follow. I know it's my last chance and I can't afford to fuck up.
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Post by sisyphus on Mar 7, 2007 16:51:48 GMT -5
i understand thriving on the marathon. sounds like you should follow the path that offers you that chance. as for fucking up: you can ALWAYS afford to fuck up, and i'm sure both of the options you're looking at will have their benefits and repercussions in life. although it's not a bad idea to carefully consider options before making decisions, polarizing thos options as if one were eternal damnation and the other were eternal life probably induces some nasty stress that doesn't really help with the decision making process. i know that's the quagmire that i sometimes work myself into.
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Post by dolly on Mar 7, 2007 16:51:59 GMT -5
Motherhood or career...... Who really has both? Do you have to surrender everything you (think you) want in order to be a good mother? Do you find yourself just changing your priorities and not caring about your own goals anymore because you now have someone dependant upon you? Can highly motivated (if a little confused) women really just undergo a central shift overnight? I think I want to be a man. Wonder when I should tell JLLM.....  |
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Post by dolly on Mar 7, 2007 16:57:58 GMT -5
polarizing thos options as if one were eternal damnation and the other were eternal life probably induces some nasty stress that doesn't really help with the decision making process. i know that's the quagmire that i sometimes work myself into. You've summed me up in a nutshell! Actually, I worry I'm a little shallow. Being personally happy (content, in love, companionship, life partner I hpe, etc) I think I've lost my edge. Maybe that's one reason I keep heaping the stress on like sugar on cereal. I always analyse myself and my motivations in the most simplistic, dumbass way possible. I'd be a crap psychologist. Any answer that fits will do! so sisy.... are you goin to answer your own questions? 
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Post by sisyphus on Mar 7, 2007 16:58:40 GMT -5
lol. that IS a big decision. i think motherhood definitely means postponing heavy emphasis on career for a while, if you're not planning on being one of those mothers that gives her kids to babysitters for the majority of their childhoods. if you consider yourself responsible and prepared enough to have a baby, i'd say go for it. (the responsibility and preparedness are what hold me back...) i think most women will tell you that children are far more rewarding than careers in the long run, although they do require much more sacrifice. i think it's got to be an amazing life changing thing: you yourself are no longer number one in your world. it's such a huge part of life.
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Post by dolly on Mar 7, 2007 17:07:58 GMT -5
Oh the internal struggle... I think I know the answer to that one - but for now, 14 hour mental marathons are go!
I have to be up in 7 hours. I need 8 - crap am i sleep deprived.
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Post by sisyphus on Mar 7, 2007 17:13:49 GMT -5
i've blathered answers to them in my notebooks that would be too long and dull for anyone here, but i'll spit out some summaries:
1. can i thoughtfully identify those things that give my life meaning? why do i derive meaning from these things? good relationships with people, challenging relationships with people (to rock the boat and keep my interest), art (to give me a sense of purpose and help me work out my belief systems metaphorically or intuitively), communication to help me feel fed and feel like i might be feeding others.... oh, this suddenly makes me think of a new question: what things take meaning away from my life? those are gonna be some depressing nasty answers.
2. how did i come to hold my current beliefs? my core ethics were probably instilled in childhood. my mom really pushed empathy and i got it to a dangerous and sometiemes self-destructive degree. finally breaking away from the mormon church gave me the first big rush/thrill i've ever had for independently coming to an "unnapproved" or conclusion, and since then i've sought that rush a lot. many books and movies and professors have since influenced me, whether i agreed with some of their ideas or disagreed and used them as a spring board for discovering more about what i personally believe.
3. in what areas of my life do i find praise, love, acceptence, et cetera, and how does such reinforcement influence my identity? religion used to be one. although i always felt like a bit of an outsider, i always got a lot of praise for my ideas or talks in church, and that probably spurred my greedy little ego on. i'd always been into art, but it took on new meaning after the loss of religion (and the gain of independant thought). i worked passionately on my art purely for my own interest and obsession while at school, but the fact that i got a lot of attention and praise for it probably helped. when teachers and other students would compliment my stuff, it was always a nice boost to the ole ego. still, what was most gratifying was when people would really get what i was trying to do or communicate, and a friendship or dialogue would grow out of it. anyway, that sort of reinforcement definitely helped me shape my identity as "artist." i'll have to think of the ways that i've been discouraged from other areas...hmmm.
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Post by dolly on Mar 8, 2007 15:30:49 GMT -5
Wow, complex relationship with religion there. I can't imagine having that really, being brough up by apathetic/agnostic parents. My Father is a lapsed Catholic who really did not appreciate the fire and brimstone guilt complexes forced on him by the Nuns. He was determined that religion would play no role in mine and my sister's life because of his experience. Not that he told us this himself, my mum did - my dad is man of very few words. Still waters run deep n all.
Consequently, with my heathen upbringing:¬) I always felt that something was missing. I always wondered how come everyone else found it so easy to believe in God when I just never could - even at the age of 6 in a Church of England school where we had to stand up and recite the Lord's prayer at the end of the day. The prayer was something to be learned, the hyms something to be tolerated. God was never mentioned at home. I was neither encouraged nor discouraged. I wished for it, but it was never forthcoming. "Make up your own mind" my mother would say - and not to be disinterested, just not to influence in any way.
Teaching at a highly religious school (morning meeting started with a prayer by the headmaster everyday!) was a strange experience. I bought a bible for the first time, but didn't get that far. I find religion intellectually interesting, but that's all. Aside from a brief flirtation with Buddhism aged 16/17 where I tried to discover some 'unconventional' spirituality.
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Post by dolly on Mar 8, 2007 15:32:36 GMT -5
You are lucky to have your artistic gift, sisy. I'd kill for some of that - instead, my focus and light relief is... Economics.
I have yet to find a creative outlet. I flirt with writing every once in a while, but ideas/concepts don't come easy. Typical me, always fumbling aroud never setting off down a path I can stick to.
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Post by sisyphus on Mar 8, 2007 16:51:32 GMT -5
I always wondered how come everyone else found it so easy to believe in God when I just never couldI always had the same problem.  In any case, I'd definitely love to be able to see life from your perspective, or anyone else's for that matter. I would love to get inside the head (literally) of someone else and see how they see based on what they've seen. As for Economics, you're lucky to fathom that. After reading 12 Myths of World Hunger I have really been wanting to take an Economics class or something...it's so fascinatingly complex and overwhelming. Typical me, always fumbling aroud never setting off down a path I can stick to.That sounds like me. From what I can tell, though, you've been sticking to a pretty intense path of teaching all day, and that's difficult.
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