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Post by riley on Aug 16, 2005 18:50:45 GMT -5
Those are the best avatars ever.
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Post by stratman19 on Aug 16, 2005 19:28:43 GMT -5
Mantis doesn't fear stangers. Mantis would visit this beach island and devour all. Just don't do any copulating with some hot female mantis. That ornery bitch will tear your head clean off. |
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Post by shin on Aug 16, 2005 19:40:15 GMT -5
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Post by Galactus on Aug 16, 2005 20:17:46 GMT -5
Mantis doesn't fear stangers. Mantis would visit this beach island and devour all. Just don't do any copulating with some hot female mantis. That ornery bitch will tear your head clean off. Um...Mantis is celibate but still very manly |
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Post by Galactus on Aug 17, 2005 11:29:59 GMT -5
Mantis thinks...  |
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Post by Galactus on Aug 17, 2005 11:31:52 GMT -5
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Post by stratman19 on Aug 17, 2005 11:49:56 GMT -5
Mantis, would I be a bad person if I wanted to squish you like the bug that you are? Just asking...
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Post by Galactus on Aug 17, 2005 11:55:21 GMT -5
Mantis, would I be a bad person if I wanted to squish you like the bug that you are? Just asking... Mantis is not concerned with human wants, Mantis would devour you if it so pleased Mantis. Though if Mantis understands correctly violent conflict will only make us like each other more. |
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Post by shin on Aug 18, 2005 0:42:11 GMT -5
Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New "Intelligent Falling" Theory
theonion.com
KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.
Rev. Gabriel Burdett (left) explains Intelligent Falling.
Above: Rev. Gabriel Burdett (left) explains Intelligent Falling.
"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.
Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."
Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation of the Bible.
According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God's Word For Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.
The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curriculums to give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only that students be offered both sides of the issue "so they can make an informed decision."
"We just want the best possible education for Kansas' kids," Burdett said.
Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory in crisis.
"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."
Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's mathematics and Holy Scripture.
"Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don't know how."
"Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda scientists need to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words for 'God can do whatever He wants.'"
Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.
"Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the 'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said. "And they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus."
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Post by luke on Aug 18, 2005 11:13:32 GMT -5
That's pretty fucked up how that Power Ranger tied those two people to an anchor and drowned them. Read that story the other day. Sad thing is, I recognize the guy from when my little brother used to watch that stuff.
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Post by Thorngrub on Aug 18, 2005 11:20:10 GMT -5
shin: That article was worth an absurd chuckle. Thanx man -- I needed it
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Post by Thorngrub on Aug 18, 2005 11:21:14 GMT -5
And In The News:
The Stars Are Held Up By Molecular Wire, Evangelicals Assert
In an unprecedented burst of discovery, Evangelical scientists have confirmed that the stars are held up in the sky by molecular wire that God himself hand-twists about each star's "orb nub", a phenomenon parallel to that area on Christmas Tree ornaments which allows them to be hung from various branches. As of yet, the scientists have not been able to discern the exact nature of the "branches" from which the stars have been hung, but they are relatively convinced that they are, indeed, hanging from nodal areas of quantum space much like our beloved Christmas Tree ornaments.
And so it goes...
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Post by strat-0 on Aug 18, 2005 11:29:32 GMT -5
That's because the earth is the center of the universe. And the stars in the heavens are fixed and unchanging. Except for those crazy "wandering stars" that back up and go the other way and stuff (Mars, Venus, etc.) and Ptolemy made a real complicated model that explained how that worked. That must have been difficult to do.
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Post by shin on Aug 18, 2005 11:54:12 GMT -5
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Post by Galactus on Aug 18, 2005 11:57:15 GMT -5
Dude, they're "Fair and balanced", It's their freakin' motto! They couldn't say it if it weren't true.
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