1st Castaways News Letter

[Thorngrub]

Essentially, if & when our lil footnote gets re-introduced to wikipedia -- I feel it should be included in bold print. Oh yeah and I should get my name in there too. Something along the lines of "Not to mention, thoRngrub has been dominating Castaways since its inception". I am available for an interview, if necessary.

[KooL]

I'm all for vandalizing wikipedia, if it's strat using it to attract new members or kenny having a laugh, that place has zero credibility and deserves to be tampered with.

btw, I don't think there are any other 'spin-off' boards we're not aware of. I'm sure someone here would have heard of something.

[Paul]

thorny said:

Sigh. This whole convo is beyond me. For one, how do we know that castaways or sedaka are the only RS.spinoffs? Secondly, this whole argument put up by shin that "castaways doesn't warrant enough importance for a footnote in wiki" is absurd. Even the most trivial things in nature are integral to the whole. And besides, I'm a member of this forum - that's enough reason for it to be included in wikipedia for eternity.

Can't argue with that

[JACkory]

I'm glad noone has discovered my secret board, "The International Pat Boone Appreciation Society (incorporating The Covert Wolfman Jack Collective)". Our membership list is comfortably perched at 24. Invitations to join were sent out about 3 years ago, right after we got inside information from a former moderator at RS.com that the boards were soon to go the way of all fecal matter. Seizing the opportunity to corral a selected portion of the more prolific and most entertaining posters and give them a post-RS.com forum, we started out as a Yahoo e-mail group, but that proved to be unsatisfactory. When strat-0 opened this board (an excellent board, but we, like Sedaka, desired a closed, private set-up) I was so impressed with it's features and functionality that I created my own and moved the "PBASiTCWJC" to it.
That turned out to be one of the best things I ever did for our community.
We have boards and threads for every topic from Free Pornography to Trends in Modern Chiropracty"...there's even a very lengthy thread debating which is the better medium, the VHS video tape versus the DVD (you'd think the DVD would have that one in the bag, but the pro- VHS troops have come very close to converting the supporters of digital technology. A similar discussion once revolved around the superiority of vinyl LPs over CDs, but records were deemed, by a majority vote, to have even less to reccomend them than the videotapes had for the DVDs).
But I digress.
Basically this is what I'm saying, wuth each point being amply demonstrated by "The International Pat Boone Appreciation Society (incorporating The Covert Wolfman Jack Collective)":

1. When a Proboard community is set up with the design of being a forum for a select group of people, and broadcasts itself as being basically a "closed" or "private" board, it defeats that purpose when conversation about it is generated by any of it's members in another Proboards community. What we have found is that such "cross-pollination" tends to alienate members of the latter community while many members of the former community develop superiority complexes (even if they can't see it themselves and it's only obvious to such members of the latter community who have somehow managed to remain detached from all the silliness that arises when "two boards clash"). "The International Pat Boone Appreciation Society (incorporating The Covert Wolfman Jack Collective)" has managed to prevent such dissent by threats of death to any member who mentions "The International Pat Boone Appreciation Society (incorporating The Covert Wolfman Jack Collective)" on another Proboards forum (which means that I am currently a dead man walking, but I'm hoping to bring my case to a tribunal with the defense being a sincere desire to heal the wounds of a fellow-communities conflicts, and hoping that my benevolence will be enough to excuse me).

2. A slow, painful death, preceeded by indescribable, unendurable torture is the reward meted out to anyone in our community who dares to reveal their membership in "The International Pat Boone Appreciation Society (incorporating The Covert Wolfman Jack Collective)", and, like the most successful of street gangs and the excellent model of the Costra Nostra, once you're in, you're in, and there's no way you're getting out save being wacked or mowed down in a drive-by. You don't have to post regularly (the minimum is 10 times a year, with no limit to how many posts you make, unless you become repetitive or insist on holding a grudge with another poster long after said grudge has passed the point of entertainment and into the territory of pathetic silliness, at which point the grudgebearer will be amply flogged)...as I said, you aren't required to post reguluarly, but if you delete your account we will provide a scythe for the Grim Reaper and send him to your door with the express purpose of introducing you to Tupac and Biggie Smalls.
Which is my humble way of expanding upon my first point: Secrecy is KEY.

3. There is a 50-word-per-year limit on profanity. In addition, any pussy who substitutes the words "effin'" or "F'in" for "fuckin" will be banished to a cyber-tenement block of boards called "JACkory's Insect Lounge" where their only contact will be limited to those who have commited this, and similar infractions (such as "the usage of the same avatar for more than 3 months", "the posting of images that stretch the screen", "repeated infractions of the rule limiting the font size in each post to ONE and ONE ONLY", "posting images of comic book heroes in any other forum other than the one specifically designated for the posting of comic book images", "assigning the star rating of anything less than '3' to a Bruce Spingsteen album with the exeption of 'The Seeger Sessions'", "complaining about the moderator's ability to shit and shave at the same time", "posting any portions of the Kabbalah on any board with the exception of the 'Kabbalah board' and our popular 'Madonna Bites' board", "threatening to delete one's account, which will bring about a reminder that such an action will result in a meeting of the minds between the offender and GG Allin").
Dread of winding up in "The Insect Lounge" is justified, and most posters will do anything to avoid such a banishment, even if only for short time.

4. One of the things that helped "The International Pat Boone Appreciation Society (incorporating The Covert Wolfman Jack Collective)" limit the extreme divisiveness that certain other boards have had problems with was our conscious decision not to erect a thread for the topic of Current Affairs/Politics...we recognize that such discussion is useful, constructive and a strong component of many internet communities. We also recognize how polarizing it is, and we have implicitly decided that the only reason we bother with "The International Pat Boone Appreciation Society (incorporating The Covert Wolfman Jack Collective)" is to talk about music, movies, art, books, how much we hate Madonna, how indifferent we are to the Kabbalah, a bit of friendly chit-chat on a few boards...all those things that help us escape from the grind of the real world and all the bad news flowing like sewage water from the broken pipe of the media...anyone in our little community who desires to converse on such lofty subjects is encouraged to seek membership in a community devoted to such debate...they will not be penalized or threatened in any way for doing so.

It is my hope that these points culled from the 3 year run of our post-RS.com secret Proboards forum will offer just a little bit of insight for all of mankind as well as any civilized collective located in the deep, unreachable regions of space and time.

No doubt many of you are wondering, ''Hey! How come I've never heard of 'The International Pat Boone Appreciation Society (incorporating The Covert Wolfman Jack Collective)'? Why wasn't I invited when the whole thing started up? How can I join? Is it legal to rule a message board with the iron fist of death threats?"

To answer your last question first: Yes, it is. I could lead you to 3 shallow graves to prove it.

As for why you weren't invited...maybe you were and just didn't get the e-mail, as our choice of cybermail delivery systems at that time had been known to malfunction at times (did you check your Bulk folder?). We invited a lot of people, much more than the original 27 who joined up. We were surprised that more didn't jump on the bandwagon (especially in light of the high status our members once enjoyed on the old RS boards), but our hands were kind of tied because of all the enforced secrecy, as you can see if you set your mind to it for a little while.
Because of this secrecy, you will not know which of your fellow posters on either the Castaways or the Sedaka boards are also "secret members" of "The International Pat Boone Appreciation Society (incorporating The Covert Wolfman Jack Collective)"...furthermore, this particular secret board will not meet the same end as Jenningo (on the old boards), simply because of the Proboads privacy functions combined with members' respectful fear of the guillotine. So, as you can see, it would be useless to PM yer good buddy and ask him/her if they belong to "The International Pat Boone Appreciation Society (incorporating The Covert Wolfman Jack Collective)", to find out if you can join, if that's what your heart and head is set on, or for any other reason. They just CAN'T tell you. Trust me, legitimate fear of the myriad manners in which death may be executed is more significant to out members than any friendship you may have forged on the internet. You shouldn't take it personally. You can't be top priority ALL the time...

As for "How can I join?"...that's a great question, especially if you've already been informed of the sinister nature of "The Club". Sinister, indeed. Malignant, even. But jolly good times. For 3 years we have had more fun than the proverbial "hill of beans" (yes, beans can be fun), and with the exception of 3 malcontents we have successfully maintained a friendly atmosphere. You just don't see that kind of unity in most communities, and I like to bask in the compliments that I often recieve from members concerning what a fine job I do as the moderator there.

So, if you find yourself possessed with a burning desire to "hook up" with "The International Pat Boone Appreciation Society (incorporating The Covert Wolfman Jack Collective)", for whatever reason (even if you just like the name of our elite organization), your only hope is to PM yours truly with your request, then start praying. If you don't recieve a response, don't take it personally...there are many rules and stipulations I, as moderator, must be bound to, and such red tape often slows down the process, sometimes to the point where applications are lost (which could conceivably be ALL of them, since I've never recieved a single one...I think things are fixed up now, so go ahead, Rough Boy, give it a shot).

[samplestiltskin]

A similar discussion once revolved around the superiority of vinyl LPs over CDs, but records were deemed, by a majority vote, to have even less to reccomend them than the videotapes had for the DVDs.

I don't think I could get along with a group of posters who truly thought this.

(I must have missed this thread.. )

[Thorngrub]

I'm down w/ the VHS format, aside from that I have nothing else to say.

[samplestiltskin]

[samplestiltskin]

i could see someone having a lot of fun with this at the annual awards ceremony.

[JesusLooksLikeMe]

The International Pat Boone Appreciation Society (incorporating The Covert Wolfman Jack Collective)... I knew it wasn't myth. They said I was crazy. Then I got widely discredited (even the Fortean Times called me a loon), fired from my job, had my credit cards stopped, blacklisted everywhere (except by the Sedakafarianistarrazzi). I even found a listening device inside my dog's anus. What have you to say, sir?

[luke]

Why were you looking in your dog's anus?

[chrisfan]

luke said:

Why were you looking in your dog's anus?

That thought didn't even cross my mind. I'm not sure if I should hold my head in shame for that, or just write it of as "It's JLLM - duh!"

[Galactus]

I encourage everyone here to start a secret board....or a not so secret board. IN any case start a board, it's free.

[Galactus]

...btw the jllm's dog's anus is very intriguing not to mention beguiling and, most disturbingly, adjudicative. The gavel is...terrifying.

[JACkory]

jllm said:

The International Pat Boone Appreciation Society (incorporating The Covert Wolfman Jack Collective)... I knew it wasn't myth. They said I was crazy. Then I got widely discredited (even the Fortean Times called me a loon), fired from my job, had my credit cards stopped, blacklisted everywhere (except by the Sedakafarianistarrazzi). I even found a listening device inside my dog's anus. What have you to say, sir?

Careful, mate. It's thin ice you're treading upon..

[JesusLooksLikeMe]

chrisfan said:

luke said:

Why were you looking in your dog's anus?

That thought didn't even cross my mind. I'm not sure if I should hold my head in shame for that, or just write it of as "It's JLLM - duh!"

I'm not sure exactly when I became the man you'd naturally expect to be looking in a dog's anus. There's far more to me than inspecting the colonic region of domesticated animals. I'm well versed in Shakespeare, for example. Is this a hamster's sphincter I see before me?

Layers. Like an onion.