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Post by luke on Nov 16, 2005 21:30:03 GMT -5
Man, this South Park SUCKED. This season has been absolutely terrible.
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Post by luke on Nov 16, 2005 21:34:52 GMT -5
15 Little known facts about Chuck Norris
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
7. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya."
10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
12. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
13. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity," then you are dead wrong.
14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
15. Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.
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Post by rockkid on Nov 16, 2005 21:56:06 GMT -5
That luke is fucking beyond funny!
Haven’t heard any of it before & if you by chance made that up ‘tis you should have a comedy show.
LMFAO.
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Post by phil on Nov 16, 2005 22:56:49 GMT -5
That Chuck Norris bit is real funny !!
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Post by JesusLooksLikeMe on Nov 17, 2005 8:45:12 GMT -5
Now imagine if that list had been read out loud by these chaps:  That's more like it! Who says we're juvenile? 
Emily and Florence play mixed doubles
Emily: Florence, do as I do and watch how they don't suspect a thing. (Calling out) Ready, gentlemen!
Tennis player: Well, have you got any balls?
Emily: Oh no, we are ladies.
Tennis player: Tennis balls...
Emily: Oh sorry, silly me, I thought you meant bollocks. |
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Post by luke on Nov 17, 2005 9:21:35 GMT -5
So that stuff still thrives over there, huh?
Didn't make up the Chuck Norris stuff, but c&p'd from another board. I think the Chuck Norris factoids go around as some mass e-mail or something.
I forgot to include my favorite one, though:
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it's not because he's gay. It's because he ran out of women.
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Post by phil on Nov 17, 2005 9:31:58 GMT -5
LMFAO !!
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Post by rockkid on Dec 11, 2005 10:33:27 GMT -5
Passing....................
LOS ANGELES -- Richard Pryor, the groundbreaking comedian whose profanely personal insights into race relations and modern life made him one of Hollywood's biggest stars, died of a heart attack yesterday. He was 65.
Pryor died shortly before 8 a.m. local time, after being taken to a hospital from his home in the San Fernando Valley, said his business manager, Karen Finch. He had been sick for years with multiple sclerosis, a degenerative disease of the nervous system.
Music producer Quincy Jones described Pryor as a true pioneer of his art.
"He was the Charlie Parker of comedy, a master of telling the truth that influenced every comedian that came after him," Jones said in a statement.
"The legacy that he leaves will forever be with us."
Pryor lived dangerously close to the edge, both on stage and off.
He was regarded early in his career as one of the most foul-mouthed comics in the business but he gained a wide following for his universal and frequently personal routines. After nearly losing his life in 1980 when he caught on fire while freebasing cocaine, he incorporated the ordeal into his later routines.
His audacious style influenced generations of standup artists, from Eddie Murphy and Chris Rock to Robin Williams and David Letterman, among others.
A series of hit comedies and concert films in the 1970s and '80s helped make Pryor one of the highest-paid stars in Hollywood, and he was one of the first black performers to have enough leverage to cut his own deals. In 1983, he signed a $40-million, five-year contract with Columbia Pictures.
His films included Stir Crazy, Silver Streak, Which Way Is Up? and Richard Pryor Live on the Sunset Strip.
Throughout his career, Pryor focused on racial inequality, once joking as the host of the Academy Awards in 1977 that Harry Belafonte and Sidney Poitier were the only black members of the Academy.
Pryor once marvelled "that I live in racist America and I'm uneducated, yet a lot of people love me and like what I do, and I can make a living from it.
"You can't do much better than that."
He battled multiple sclerosis throughout the 1990s.
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Post by Ayinger on Dec 11, 2005 13:12:20 GMT -5
I actually heard the news announced during the Weekend Update spot on Saturday Night Live --- first thought was that it was a setup to a gag, but no.....
Pryor was THE man esp. in the late 70's. His "Wanted: Live In Concert" film remains one of the funniest standups ever IMO. Fellow black artists such as Bill Cosby, Flip Wilson, Redd Foxx came up by a lot of the same doors as Pryor except he kicked them down when stepping through. It's a shame that his disease took him out of performing all these past years.
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Post by strat-0 on Dec 12, 2005 10:08:41 GMT -5
Don, I found out the same way and thought the same thing! And I rarely watch SNL anymore! Pryor's accident and disease certainly did profoundly affect his career and its direction, and ultimately took him out too soon. Thanks for the laughs, Richard.
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Post by Ayinger on Dec 12, 2005 18:14:39 GMT -5
Yeah, same here on keeping tracks on SNL much anymore -- I was just flipping the channel that night and landed on it while the "Weekend Update" segment was on so just watched it.
I thought it was cool of them to run a snippit of the classic "Word Association" bit Pryor did with Chevy Chase --- has to be seen to be truely appreciated with the looks and increasing aggitation Pryor kicks in with, but:
Racist Word Association Interview [/u]
Interviewer.....Chevy Chase
Mr. Wilson.....Richard Pryor
Interviewer: Alright, Mr. Wilson, you've done just fine on the Rorshact.. your papers are in good order.. your file's fine.. no difficulties with your motor skills.. And I think you're probably ready for this job. We've got one more psychological test we always do here. It's just a Word Association. I'll throw you out a few words - anything that comes to your mind, just throw back at me, okay? It's kind of an arbitrary thing. Like, if I say "dog", you'd say..?
Mr. Wilson: "Tree".
Interviewer: "Tree". [ nods head, prepares the test papers ] "Dog".
Mr. Wilson: "Tree".
Interviewer: "Fast".
Mr. Wilson: "Slow".
Interviewer: "Rain".
Mr. Wilson: "Snow".
Interviewer: "White".
Mr. Wilson: "Black".
Interviewer: "Bean".
Mr. Wilson: "Pod".
Interviewer: [ casually ] "Negro".
Mr. Wilson: "Whitey".
Interviewer: "Tarbaby".
Mr. Wilson: [ silent, sure he didn't hear what he thinks he heard ] What'd you say?
Interviewer: [ repeating ] "Tarbaby".
Mr. Wilson: [ after slight pause ] "Ofay".
Interviewer: "Colored".
Mr. Wilson: "Redneck".
Interviewer: "Junglebunny".
Mr. Wilson: [ starting to get angry ] "Peckerwood!"
Interviewer: "Burrhead".
Mr. Wilson: [ defensive ] "Cracker!"
Interviewer: [ aggressive ] "Spearchucker".
Mr. Wilson: "White trash!"
Interviewer: "Jungle Bunny!"
Mr. Wilson: [ upset ] "Honky!"
Interviewer: "Spade!
Mr. Wilson: [ really upset ] "Honky Honky!"
Interviewer: [ relentless ] "Nigger!"
Mr. Wilson: [ immediate ] "Dead honky!" [ face starts to flinch ]
Interviewer: [ quickly wraps the interview up ] Okay, Mr. Wilson, I think you're qualified for this job. How about a starting salary of $5,000?
Mr. Wilson: Your momma!
Interviewer: [ fumbling ] Uh.. $7,500 a year?
Mr. Wilson: Your grandmomma!
Interviewer: [ desperate ] $15,000, Mr. Wilson. You'll be the highest paid janitor in America. Just, don't.. don't hurt me, please..
Mr. Wilson: Okay.
Interviewer: [ relieved ] Okay.
Mr. Wilson: You want me to start now?
Interviewer: Oh, no, no.. that's alright. I'll clean all this up. Take a couple of weeks off, you look tired.
[ fade ]
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Post by Kensterberg on Dec 12, 2005 18:28:48 GMT -5
Don't remember where I saw it at, but I caught that same sketch the other day. God-damn that was funny stuff.
Pryor was hilarious, a real genius. And frankly, I'm amazed, given his history with drugs etc. and his physical frailty, that he lived this long. The man truly was a comic genius, and while he hasn't been able to express himself fully in years, he will be missed.
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Post by Paul on Dec 13, 2005 13:07:42 GMT -5
Just a head's up... New South Park tonight is doing Trapped in the Closet. Should be good stuff... Although this season has generally been pretty fucking weak so far. Maybe that dude who wrote "South Park Conservative" was right after all. But probably not. That episode of South Park was an instant classic. They held nothing back (not that they ever do), but I've never seen an episode where the so blatantly exposed something, in this case Scientology. I was LMAO the entire episode, but this one also seemed to have some underlying anger to it, which I liked a lot. It was easily one of the ballsiest South Park's to date. I love that show. |
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Post by luke on Dec 13, 2005 13:13:18 GMT -5
Yipes! Hope you don't read where I bash it later on...
Really, though, I'll have to watch it again (not like they won't show it a million more times.) My problem with it was that they played up the R.Kelly thing in advertisement, but it turned out to be an episode about Scientology. So maybe I'll watch it with a different perspective and enjoy it a bit more...
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Post by Paul on Dec 15, 2005 9:54:39 GMT -5
Was it wrong of me to show up for work an hour and a half late so I could to listen to Jacky the Jokeman reunite w/ Howard, Fred, Gary, and Robin this morning?
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