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Post by rockysigman on Nov 15, 2006 17:35:09 GMT -5
He's a very giving person. He gave me an old parking ticket and three coffee beans.
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Post by samplestiltskin on Nov 15, 2006 17:39:00 GMT -5
whoa. . . hold on/stop the presses ! U're tellin us, Rocky, that you had a chance to hook up w/the samps, who texted you, and you passed that up? *shakes head sadly* Oh, man. what were U thinking . . .  She didn't mean it. Just keep telling yourself that dude. |
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Post by Ayinger on Nov 15, 2006 18:08:30 GMT -5
okay, black dildo story: (decided it fit better here than on the top ten countdown) remember that guy i mentioned dating before, the paranoid schizophrenic? for a brief stint he was a radio dj for a classic rock station. he did his show one night, but totally mouthed off. he started going off about all sorts of insane shit and got himself fired the next day. in any case, he was elated. after the show he came rushing into my apartment. i was in bed. he came into my room carrying a 12 pack of beer and an old pillow case containing some mysterious object. he stripped off all his clothes and starting prancing around the room talking loudly, and talking as if i were not even there. SUDDENLY, he yanks out this HUGE 15 inch black dildo. it has some kind of suction on the flat part behind the balls, and he sticks it to the wall. he then takes the entire 15 inches down his throat, saliva dripping everywhere. he comes off, gagging a bit, and continues ranting about the end of the world, god, the black race and how they must take their places as kings and queens of the land, and all sorts of other stuff. he is in a complete frenzy. he's gotten really hard, and his cock is bouncing around looking ready to burst. he takes the dildo and puts in on the edge of my bed, pointing straight up. he sits on it: takes the whole thing into his ass in less than a minute. then he starts squealing in some quasi-religious orgasmic frenzy and bouncing up and down on the dildo while simultaneously jacking himself off until he spurted onto the floor. he seemed to be in a trance. he didn't seem to know i was there, yet there he was in my bedroom. it was insane. after he finished, he carefully washed the dildo in the bathroom, cooing to it and talking to it the whole time. i was a bit mortified after that display, and it was one of the early clues that although this guy was passionate, creative, and smart, there was something a little off about him... This man in now either a member of Congress or a Catholic priest, right? |
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Post by sisyphus on Nov 15, 2006 21:22:51 GMT -5
not yet, but he's on his way. i'm sure.
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Post by Thorngrub on Nov 16, 2006 12:40:19 GMT -5
whoa. . . hold on/stop the presses ! U're tellin us, Rocky, that you had a chance to hook up w/the samps, who texted you, and you passed that up? *shakes head sadly* Oh, man. what were U thinking . . . She didn't mean it. Um . . . come again, Rocky-? ( see what happens when ya snooze -? ya lose |
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Post by wayved on Nov 16, 2006 23:02:12 GMT -5
(takes authoritative tone) R-OCKEEEEEEEEEEE!
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Post by limitdeditionlayla on Nov 17, 2006 20:21:04 GMT -5
That black dildo story? Woah...
Well done.
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Post by Thorngrub on Nov 20, 2006 11:06:22 GMT -5
Yes. One of the more remarkable stories we've heard on Castaways.
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Post by rockkid on Nov 23, 2006 14:22:09 GMT -5
Blows the rest out of the water, literally!
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Post by Thorngrub on Nov 24, 2006 17:46:29 GMT -5
Think I'll go back & read that again.
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Post by limitdeditionlayla on Nov 26, 2006 2:23:55 GMT -5
Not that anything can go even close to reaching the sleazy wonder that is the Black Dildo story, this is more a warning all young men should heed re the importance of demanding good hygiene & cleaning habits...
A friend of a friend, who is this real seedy, fuck-any-girl-moving sort of guy, met a girl, went back to her place. The apartment was disgustingly dirty, shit everywhere, smelly, too. Dude was like "ah, thats gross...but I want to have sex real bad..."
So he bangs this dirty bitch. When they're done, he's wondering what to do with the condom, seeing as the place didn't have any sort of bin he could see, let alone a Kleenex. He's like "erm...what should I do with this?" Dirty bitch is like "here, I'll take it" & then hoicks used condom at the wall. It sticks to the wall, dude is like "wtf" as he watched condom proceed to flip-flop down the wall, kinda like a slinky down stairs.
Dude decides its high time to leave, so gets up to put his clothes on. Then a dog shoots out from under the bed, runs up to the wall & starts to EAT the used condom. Guy is dry-retching & turns to dirty bitch & says "hey man, your dog is eating the fucking condom!" Dirty bitch looks up & goes "OH! So thats where they've been going!"
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Post by limitdeditionlayla on Nov 26, 2006 2:26:49 GMT -5
Please - girls are supposed to be clean. If you go back to a girl's house & she is living in squalor, and for no good reason that you can see ie being a junkie or poverty-stricken or dying of cholera in the 17th century, then turn your sweet little ass around & leave. Girls who throw condoms at walls are not good.
The dude that this happened to is priceless. He is forever picking up dirty bitches who lock him in their house or take dumps in his bathtub to piss him off etc. He seems to attract that kind of girl. He is an endless source of amusement to us. Bless.
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Post by rockkid on Nov 26, 2006 12:45:10 GMT -5
uck................. speachless
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Post by Galactus on Nov 26, 2006 17:32:00 GMT -5
I have friend who's one of these real nervous types so this pretty odd for him, he's one of those guys that chick really dig because he has no clue how many chicks dig him. So these two chicks who happen to be sisters both really like him but he doesn't want to date anyone right now as earlier this year he ended a long term (bad) relationship where he thought they were going to get married. Anyway, so they're "friends", the kind of friends who end up at his house drunk with no shirt on. The one sister is crazy, she used to carry a gun in a her purse, one of those saturday night special deals and tried to shoot a guy at a gas station once. She has a pretty short temper but also tries to pretty that she's really not into my friend even though she suddenly hates every girl that talks to him and them "bitch". Okay the other sister has been into my friend for awhile quite openly but it was okay becuase she was dating my friend's boss, they broke up acouple weeks ago her and my friend have become somewhat closer...though they don't want to tell the other sister, who doesn't want to tell the other sister that she alsodigs my friend....did I mention he's both sister's boss as well? Yeah they all work in the same place. Assuming you kept up with that you have to agree this can't end well, it simply can't.
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Post by rockysigman on Nov 26, 2006 17:43:24 GMT -5
That depends. Is that real life or a softcore porn flick?
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