1st Annual Castaway Awards

[Ryosuke]

rileydog said:

Sorry for the hiatus and break in flow. This day job thing is getting in the way of our awards. I'm planning on giving my notice today. I will need a place to stay though after my wife kicks me out when I tell her I "quit my job to focus on a fictional on-line awards show I'm writing for some friends you've never met."

So if all of us, like, crashed at your place and meet your wife, everything will be okay?

[Dr. Drum]

rileydog said:

sweet. i trust my Rush albums are welcome as well?

Oh, you know it, man. I've got all of 'em, of course, some in three different formats, but I'm sure Jackie will be more than thrilled to have an additional copy in the house.

[riley]

ryosuke said:

rileydog said:

Sorry for the hiatus and break in flow. This day job thing is getting in the way of our awards. I'm planning on giving my notice today. I will need a place to stay though after my wife kicks me out when I tell her I "quit my job to focus on a fictional on-line awards show I'm writing for some friends you've never met."

So if all of us, like, crashed at your place and meet your wife, everything will be okay?

This would be awesome Ryo, but I'm thinking it might actually expedite my expulsion to Drum's place, rather than pre-empting it.

[Ryosuke]

I'll try not to pee on your carpet, I promise.

[strat-0]

You can crash here, too, Riley. The show must go on. We must keep our priorities straight.

[riley]

Back at it soon. I promise. It's just hard to start a segment without ample time to finish. I'd rather lose flow between than within bits if that makes sense.

[shin]

T-t-t-t-t-t-today, Junior.

[Paul]

I'm getting antsy...I want more awards show damnit!

[riley]

Soon. I promise. Work is so busy it's barely allowing me enough time to keep up with regular traffic here.

The good news is it feels like the creative bank has been refreshed so I'm hoping once I get back on this horse it will be a bit fresher.

[Ayinger]

Send out for some more vodka while y'er at it.....higher end stuff too 'cause I'm switching to martini's!

[riley]

....continued...

*Riley walks out on stage to find the band and everyone in the audience has fallen asleep from inactivity and boredom*

Riley
What the fuck? We were only on commercial break for like two weeks!

*Riley looks around again and clearly has light bulb moment. He tip toes over to the band area and softly pokes the the guitar playing Fragtone in the arm to ensure he's truly asleep like everyone else. He straps on the guitar, kicks the peddle and realizes a life long dream*

*the beautiful power chords and enchanting vocals of "Limelight" by Rush hit the air surrounding Riley's home like the sound of angels. People begin to wake with looks of discontent except Doc Drum and Thorn who have already started head banging and playing Rush air guitar and centre stage, front row.*

*The music ends abruptly as the Fragtone who owns the guitar pulls the plug and removes the guitar from Riley*

Riley
Well I'm glad to see everyone's awake and ready to roll on with this thing.

*a yell from the audience*

Bozo
I hope you enjoyed your extended leave from the awards so you could fulfill your mandate by financing businesses who will only fall prey to the standard perils of corporate consumerism...

Riley
Shut the fuck up.

Okay so what's our next award Maarts?

MC Maarts
Look at your fucking agenda dog. I'm tired of bailing you out.

Riley
Where's my co-host?

*looks back toward the bar at the rear of the audience area to find Luke sitting having drinks and chatting up Riley's wife*

Riley
Are you fucking kidding me? Luke! You fucker. That's it. I need a new co-host. Any volunteers?

*a hand goes up in the air from the crowd*

Tuneschick
I'll do it.

*Tunes makes her way up to the stage carrying a large cooler*

Riley
Awesome. Thanks for bailing me out Tunes. What's in the cooler?

Tunes
24 cold bottles of Alexander Keiths India Pale Ale. Well okay, there are only about 7 left, but I have another case back at my seat. I'll share some with you Dog, but only to prove once and for all that girls from Northern Canada can drink way more beer than boys from Eastern Canada.

That Rush thing was fucking awful by the way.

Riley
Just because you're pretty doesn't mean you can slag Rush

MC Maarts
Ahem...whenever you're ready there Romeo, there's an award that needs to be presented for Best Music Reviewer.

Riley
Erm sorry. Tunes would you like to do the honours?

*opens the envelop*

Tunes
A solid win for this guy, since clearly people were able to get past the whole Korn thing , but well deserved nonetheless, your favorite music reviewer is Thorn! Congratulations.

*Thorn runs on to the stage and hugs Tunes then hugs Riley, as the most appreciative winner yet*

Thorn
Oh man thatz awesome. Thanks fuckerz. Y'all are 2 kind man. To show my appreciation, I'm taking every single one of you 2 a concert my friendz band is having tonight. They're called "Rotting Midget Virgin Carcass". Their shit rulz man. Fuck this is awesum. Thankz so much

*Rocky Von Rocksalot & The Fragtones break into a ska version of Korn's "Got The Life", as we fade to commercial break*

[riley]

...continued...

* Riley and Tunes are sitting on lawn chairs on the stage with three full coolers of beer, going toe to toe in the awards' most exciting side contest*

Tunes
Do you want me to finish that one for you? You look like you might spew.

Riley
You just worry about you.

Tunes
What does that even mean?

MC Maarts
cough

Riley
Oh fuck, I guess it's time to play host again. Here to present the next award is another old schooler. Please welcome Skvorecky.

*big applause. Skvor makes his way to the stage. The band breaks into "Millennium" by Robbie Williams.*

Skvorecky
These awards would be cooler if Throbbing Gristle were the house band, but it's cool enough I guess. Sorry it took me so long to get up here, I was just finishing one of the babies I was eating. Fucking yummy stuff. I promised Strat I would be on my best behaviour though, so...

cough...fascist...cough

The award I'm presenting is for Best Movie Reviewer. Before I do, I just want to give my friend Bozo a quick lesson.

1. A reviewer is a person who watches a movie then communicates thoughts relative to what he or she thought of the movie.

2. A producer is the person who manages the financing, casting and general non creative elements. Except in porn, where a producer is just some guy who calls all his slutty friends and asks them to fuck each other on camera for free pizza.

3. A director is the person who sits behind a camera and yells orders at people.

4. An engineer, like me, is someone who understands the physics of a music studio and the actual nature of sound and how it translates to a recorded medium.

*puzzled looks around the crowd*

Alright Bozo? You got all that, you fucking weirdo?

The winner for best movie reviewer is Weeping Guitar. Congratulations my friend. Well deserved.

*Weeping Guitar makes his way to the stage and collects the statuette from Skvor with a hand shake*

Weeping Guitar
Wow, this is really cool. Thanks everyone. Here's a clip I think you'll all find pretty cool to take us to commercial

video clip
www.youtube.com/watch?v=O61Do03ZCjw&search=star%20wars

[Dr. Drum]

More Rush, please.

[tuneschick]

I'm pretty sure I said no more fucking Rush around this place. What good am I as temporary co-host if not to set some fundamental rules to better everyone's quality of life?

Congrats Thorn and Weeping!

[luke]

Skvor bit was brilliance.