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Post by Meursault on Aug 24, 2004 21:57:25 GMT -5
You ladies ever need to know anything about men, just ask me, i'll tell you straight. You could ask Mattheus too, but his answer might come from a slightly different angle.  |
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Post by Mary on Aug 24, 2004 22:22:12 GMT -5
I certainly don't understand boys either, ueb and dwaz.... the current one is a mystery to me. I have had such bad luck with so many boys for the past 6 years, I've become totally suspicious and I can't quite bring myself to believe it when a boy seems to be genuinely into me. The current boy has been so great recently, but that just makes me all the more anxious about what seems like the almost-inevitable fall from grace. It's kind of terrible to have become this ultra-wary, guarded person - I'd like to be able to just immerse myself in a relationship but I can't do it anymore. The boy, though, when he left on Sunday, left a little message under my pillow that basically said "I had an amazing time in Boston, can't wait till you get back to SF!" so I am trying to be optimistic but I can't get rid of the lurking feeling of impending doom.
There's this amazing line in Do You Love Me? when Nick Cave sings: "i knew before I met her that I would lose her" - I think part of Nick's appeal for me is precisely that sense of doomed love. I've just had too many things fall apart (sometimes my fault, of course!!!) not to picture the bitter end of any relationship even as it's just beginning. So ironically, the general sadness I always have with me actually increases when I'm falling for someone, because the more I fall, the heavier the burden of eventually losing this person becomes, and I just feel like I carry that burden around with me perpetually before the end even announces itself.
The other song that I always have lurking around in my head whenenver I'm starting to fall for someone is the Mekons' Oblivion:
I'm lying in bed and I tell him
that I'm always afraid
he just laughs and grins
Good morning midnight
a bottle of gin
I don't know why but somehow I see myself in those lines.
but at your age, dwaz - very young still - i think there is a virtue to being single. (actually, there's always many virtues to being single, just as there are virtues to being in a relationship - i miss being in a relationship whenever i'm single and i miss being single whenever i'm in a relationship!) I think that people who dive into lifelong relationships at that age miss something of life - too many compromises too young, too much seeing yourself through somebody else's eyes. I'm not saying this is always the case, there are some model relationships that start very young and are wonderful things, but all too often you just don't know what you're getting into before you find yourself trapped.
Sorry for this all-over-the-place rambling post, probably doesn't belong on this board, but I've been feeling so odd lately. On top of my own boy, a very close friend of mine recently left her husband after less than a year of marriage - the circumstances were very complicated and very very tragic, and I've had so many long, intense conversations with her about her situation, and these have really affected me somehow, even though it's not directly my life. I find myself thinking about her crumbling marriage a lot when I'm trying to fall asleep, and i still can't quite figure out why I'm so riveted by her situation, but something about it just pulls at me constantly and increases my ambivalence and anxiety about any relationships.
M
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Post by Mary on Aug 24, 2004 22:32:20 GMT -5
onto less heavy topics though!!! glad things are looking up again ueb -sounds like it was just a bunch of relatively minor things piling up, so I'm sure you're going to be right back on top of things again soon. as for your parking woes - just be glad you have a car!!  and if you awnt to share the details of your boy situation, feel free, though of course if you want to keep it private, that makes sense too! When you said there are problems with a syllabus, is this a syllabus for a class you are teaching? what class? as for pot smoking at shows, dwaz - well, although i have to confess that marijuana has become somewhat regular in my life recently, i have never once smoked up at a show!! ( before a show in a friend's car - definitely!) i dunno, i would just feel slightly bad inflicting pot smoke on nearby people. but do you feel particularly irritated at pot smoke and not as much at regular cigarette smoke?? that seems kinda funny. thanks for posting the X article from cnn, rocdoc!! nothing really new there, but it's nice to see them getting recognition from such a mainstream news source, and i really really like john doe every time i read any quotes from him. he just seems really together, smart, down-to-earth, with a good perspective on his past and his future. he's definitely a rock and roll guy who has never embarrassed himself, which is really a rare feat. *sigh* i'm just having one of those 'i feel trapped and i don't want to die' days. it will pass. np: nick cave and the bad seeds - tender prey (song: mercy seat) Cheers, M |
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Post by Dwazee on Aug 24, 2004 22:33:50 GMT -5
oh, i def dont want something lifelong or serious right now. nooo. but a bf? one i could see like once a week or would be around to talk to? thatd be nice. last one had a good arrangement. but we're not going there... im absolutely terrifed of being in the position your friend was in, mary. im overly cautious in this regard, i guess. and ueb--men are their own species. and im still at a loss as to the basic stuff on em, much less figuring out one to have around. and the fact i dont necessarily know what i want doesnt help...i figured if i was around what id want, id know. however, that doesnt seem to be happening.... im absolutely scared shitless about this month. holy christ. my show, all the stuff i have to do for my other classes, work, internships--i dont think i have time for a boy even if i did find one. sigh. once sept is over, i can breath. for a little. boys always want to give advice. but if they're the ones that are the problem, they're useless  |
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Post by Dwazee on Aug 24, 2004 22:35:51 GMT -5
its weird, mary. my ex was a smoker, as well as pot smoker--maybe im holding residual anger there. but i was that way before we dated--only a little less...murderous. smoking doesnt bother me for some reason--tho it used to a long time ago. now its almost...comforting.
where are you supposed to meet boys anyways?
the computer likes me today. thank god.
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Post by Mary on Aug 24, 2004 22:50:17 GMT -5
oh, i def dont want something lifelong or serious right now. nooo. but a bf? one i could see like once a week or would be around to talk to? thatd be nice. last one had a good arrangement. but we're not going there... yaeh, this is totally understandable! it's always nice to have a boy-toy if nothing else but dwaz, shit, i can't believe you couldn't have this if you really wanted it - you are so insanely beautiful!!! a boy would be so lucky as to be your plaything once a week. as for the smoking thing, well, we all have random quirks and pet peeves so it makes sense. i don't really mind any kind of smoke around me, but i become murderously enraged when people are walking really slowly in front of me... i would never take up smoking but i still have this terrible lingering adolescent romantic attraction to boys who smoke. i just can't get rid of it, when i picture a perfect gorgeous man in my mind, there's always a cigarette dangling out of his mouth!! np: nick cave - tender prey (song: watching alice) Cheers, M |
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Post by lumencandle on Aug 24, 2004 22:58:15 GMT -5
I have had such bad luck with so many boys for the past 6 years, I've become totally suspicious and I can't quite bring myself to believe it when a boy seems to be genuinely into me. Mary, you and I are once again sharing a brain (why can't I just have your IQ, too??) It's so difficult after so many awful outcomes over the last few years to even remotely put any stock in what guys say. I even can chart what they're going to say when, and I feel like such a sinister bitch. but it's just the result of some nasty past experiences. Although right now I'm having a fine time "cradlesnatching"! I feel very out-of-the-loop. I've been very busy not going to Montreal and not performing for the last month, yet still overwhelmed. Nothing too exciting, but a lot of things have kept me so occupied I've been posting so little. |
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Post by Dwazee on Aug 24, 2004 23:04:05 GMT -5
i would agree with you that men look more attractive smoking than women do--for some reason, it just looks trashy and nasty with women. i dont like smoking period, but sometimes it does kinda look...interesing. til you've got your tongue down their throat, in which case not so much.
thanks mary--i did see the most beautiful goth boy ever, but i was utterly speechless to talk to him. the only men are hte ones that are like the fun day i had working at cookie co:
as i was making a smoothie for a normal looking upper 30s white collar oklahoma dood, he asked me if i was 16. being 20 at the time, i said no, im 20. realising where this was going, i continued, willing the smoothie to go faster. he asked if i had a bf. i said yes, emphatically. he asked if my bf minded sharing me. i replied, i try to keep it down to one bf, thanks. sigh.
approx 10 min later (after telling my best friend/manager, who laughed), this guy who looked like stone cold austin with a leather spiked collar around his neck came to the front counter. i was really tired that day, and was not in the mood to chit chat. he had his kid with him--a little boy. he said, you sure look tired. i agreed, smiling, tryign to not look like i got run over by a semi. so i turn to get his drinks. he says, you should have your bf give you a massage when you get home. i think to myself, dear god, not another....i say yea, sure. as i am finishing off his drinks, in front of his kid, he says, or spank and whip you.
after i told my incredulous but absolutely entertained manager this one--actually, while--this old man walks by and waves. i kid you not. and this is why i think im cursed--i dont get normal men. i get these fun characters. and this, sadly, is my norm.
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Post by Mary on Aug 24, 2004 23:05:07 GMT -5
Mary, you and I are once again sharing a brain (why can't I just have your IQ, too??) It's so difficult after so many awful outcomes over the last few years to even remotely put any stock in what guys say. I even can chart what they're going to say when, and I feel like such a sinister bitch. but it's just the result of some nasty past experiences. are you joking?? ahh miss lumencandle, you have both my (perfectly ordinary, i'm sure) IQ and grace and beauty on top of it - what more could you want!! |
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Post by Mary on Aug 24, 2004 23:06:56 GMT -5
aw crap. and then i read posts like dwazee's, and i just want to become a man-hating lesbian.
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Post by Dwazee on Aug 24, 2004 23:10:29 GMT -5
oh, but mary, there's so many more men ive had worse than that! im telling you, pattons' are cursed. we get the weirdos. prolly doesnt help that we're not exactly normal...for instance, some strange man came up to my sister in a walgreens and wanted to pet her hair--she's half black, so her hair isnt...well, white hair. anyways, the guy said something about it looking like some animal's fur or something odd. i had that guy come up to me and do magic tricks without saying a single word the entire time--v lynchian. and peopel think im the crazy one.... lumen, its great to see ya again craddle robbing is lovely, so long as they're mature enough to play with hell, i cant seem to find older boys that are mature enough.... |
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Post by Mary on Aug 24, 2004 23:13:31 GMT -5
actually by far the most absurd and disgusting random encounter i've ever had with a man was when this guy walked up to me on a sunny afternoon on a crowded street in berkeley, told me i looked "beautiful and powerful" (powerful??) and then asked me if i'd fuck him in the ass with a dildo. who thinks it's ok to ask that a stranger? insanity. shit, now that i think about it, cradle-robbing is something i've never really done. closest i came was a brief fling with a junior when i was a senior in college - that hardly counts, i think he was about 7 months younger than me. lumen, i'm glad that things are still going well there, though - it sounds like you're having a great time |
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Post by Dwazee on Aug 24, 2004 23:22:04 GMT -5
mary, that guy sounds like one of those 'shocker' types--like a flasher. at least he gave you a compliment first when i worked at carls jr during high school, i had this one guy come through the drive thru--total white trash, missing teeth, mid-upper 30s. had 4 kids in the car. wedding ring. we were promoting the sourdough bacon cheeseburger--meaning we wore special shirts that, on me, said 'its crunch time' right over my boobs. when the guy drove up and i tried to get his money, he said, id like to crunch you anytime. absolutely perturbed, i got his change and handed his drinks to get rid of him asap. he said, my boy thinks you're real pretty. this boy was no more than 8. another time, i was working the lobby and this 70 y/o man comes up and says im really pretty. im like, thanks--trying to be nice. he says, so are you gonna give me anything for that? how bout a cinammon raisin biscuit? nowadays, i either get jesus people handing me pamphlets, boys i have 0 interest in, or the occasional toothless man that tells me i shu am purty (at taco cabana). sigh. strangely enough, when i have my dolls with me taking pics, i dont get hit on. hmm. |
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Post by Mary on Aug 24, 2004 23:25:56 GMT -5
yikes dwazee, perhaps you just need to get out of oklahoma? in any case, i'd best get going before my view of males sinks so low that i have to break up with my boyfriend imminently and drown my sorrows at the local lesbian bar. thanks for the conversations, ladies, and in a moment of cheesiness allow me to say again how much i love all you rs people!!! cheers, M |
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Post by Dwazee on Aug 24, 2004 23:30:41 GMT -5
nite mary. dont break up with the boy give him a big ol hug....i should sleep too.... |
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and if you awnt to share the details of your boy situation, feel free, though of course if you want to keep it private, that makes sense too! When you said there are problems with a syllabus, is this a syllabus for a class you are teaching? what class?
