Post by JesusLooksLikeMe on Jan 29, 2006 5:14:32 GMT -5
Does Jesus Love You?
Here's a handy way to find out, by completing the survey:
1. What's your opinion of The Darkness?
a) They're good fun and have some catchy tunes.
b) The best band around lately. I always have sex with Permission to Land playing on the stereo.
c) They're okay. A bit much in large doses and Queen did it years ago.
d) No. They're shit. Music is not supposed to be made snaggle-toothed fun of.
e) Just let me go and consult Pitchfork before I answer this one.
2. Which of the following most closely describes George W Bush?
a) A limited man who, by virtue of his birth and patronage, has risen far beyond his capabilities.
b) The devil incarnate, and undoubtedly a buggerer of donkeys.
c) A 'folksy' chap whose policies I tend to largely disagree with.
d) He's okay. Not our best leader, but importantly, he's not Al Gore.
e) Those eyes of his bring me to orgasm every time.
3. You find out your close (but strictly platonic) female friend is considering an abortion. Do you
a) Subtly offer your support and leave her to deal with things? It's none of your business, after all.
b) Reassure her, as she's looking for reassurance. After all, the planet's overpopulated.
c) Duct tape her, throw her in the trunk and drive her to the clinic yourself.
d) Disagree, but largely keep your own counsel.
e) Burn the whore and then use the Current Events thread to say you'll pray in vain for her evil, damned soul.
4. JLLM calls you the C-word for the 18th time. Do you:
a) Take it in good humour and call him something equally derogatory in return.
b) I fucking love JLLM. I want to bum him.
c) Figure that it's an English thing and just roll your eyes and get on with life.
d) React like a prissy little cunt and get all offended and ignore him from now on.
e) This is dull. Why am I here reading this shit instead of playing Title Tag or talking about myself?
5. Describe your nationality
a) English, Scottish, Irish, Canadian, Kiwi, American, Columbian, Brazilian
b) Australian
c) Other
d) Alien lizard man, infiltrating Earth society in preparation for the future destruction of the human race
e) Welsh
Marking scheme*:
For each answer:
a = 5 pts
b = 4 pts
c = 3 pts
d = 2 pts
e = 1 pt
*Unless you are bowiglou, in which case make a confusing graph with lots of squiggles, use words like "coefficient" and "median", and award yourself a $60,000 annual bonus
What does it all mean?
25 points = You are a Canadian banker. With a smaller knob than me.
20-24 pts = We should get on famously. I probably call you 'cunt' an awful lot.
15-19 pts = You are okay. I'm probably polite cos, hey, we can do business.
10-14 pts = As drum proves, scoring in this band doesn't mean JLLM dislikes you at all. But you should seriously try to take your head out of your arse more often
5-9 pts = Sorry, but JLLM probably raises a laconic eyebrow whenever he see one of your posts. You will need to bribe him and stroke his ego if you're going to enter his inner sanctum.
Here's a handy way to find out, by completing the survey:
1. What's your opinion of The Darkness?
a) They're good fun and have some catchy tunes.
b) The best band around lately. I always have sex with Permission to Land playing on the stereo.
c) They're okay. A bit much in large doses and Queen did it years ago.
d) No. They're shit. Music is not supposed to be made snaggle-toothed fun of.
e) Just let me go and consult Pitchfork before I answer this one.
2. Which of the following most closely describes George W Bush?
a) A limited man who, by virtue of his birth and patronage, has risen far beyond his capabilities.
b) The devil incarnate, and undoubtedly a buggerer of donkeys.
c) A 'folksy' chap whose policies I tend to largely disagree with.
d) He's okay. Not our best leader, but importantly, he's not Al Gore.
e) Those eyes of his bring me to orgasm every time.
3. You find out your close (but strictly platonic) female friend is considering an abortion. Do you
a) Subtly offer your support and leave her to deal with things? It's none of your business, after all.
b) Reassure her, as she's looking for reassurance. After all, the planet's overpopulated.
c) Duct tape her, throw her in the trunk and drive her to the clinic yourself.
d) Disagree, but largely keep your own counsel.
e) Burn the whore and then use the Current Events thread to say you'll pray in vain for her evil, damned soul.
4. JLLM calls you the C-word for the 18th time. Do you:
a) Take it in good humour and call him something equally derogatory in return.
b) I fucking love JLLM. I want to bum him.
c) Figure that it's an English thing and just roll your eyes and get on with life.
d) React like a prissy little cunt and get all offended and ignore him from now on.
e) This is dull. Why am I here reading this shit instead of playing Title Tag or talking about myself?
5. Describe your nationality
a) English, Scottish, Irish, Canadian, Kiwi, American, Columbian, Brazilian
b) Australian
c) Other
d) Alien lizard man, infiltrating Earth society in preparation for the future destruction of the human race
e) Welsh
Marking scheme*:
For each answer:
a = 5 pts
b = 4 pts
c = 3 pts
d = 2 pts
e = 1 pt
*Unless you are bowiglou, in which case make a confusing graph with lots of squiggles, use words like "coefficient" and "median", and award yourself a $60,000 annual bonus
What does it all mean?
25 points = You are a Canadian banker. With a smaller knob than me.
20-24 pts = We should get on famously. I probably call you 'cunt' an awful lot.
15-19 pts = You are okay. I'm probably polite cos, hey, we can do business.
10-14 pts = As drum proves, scoring in this band doesn't mean JLLM dislikes you at all. But you should seriously try to take your head out of your arse more often
5-9 pts = Sorry, but JLLM probably raises a laconic eyebrow whenever he see one of your posts. You will need to bribe him and stroke his ego if you're going to enter his inner sanctum.
