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Post by strat-0 on Jan 20, 2006 21:15:44 GMT -5
Charmed00 10:21 PM EST, 1/11/00 (Message #407 of 454) I've had two...believe me I know! BTW Lauren Baker is my youngest.(16) Shelby is 24 and has two children of her own.1 boy(Heath) and 1 girl.(Teigan) gann515 10:39 PM EST, 1/11/00 (Message #408 of 454) Wow...well thanks for finally sharing! Funny how the resemblence showed up over a computer!! A big age difference there...mine are 5 years apart. So difficult having 2 girls, huh? Charmed00 8:05 PM EST, 1/11/00 (Message #409 of 454) It's worse than a room full of 2 year old boys. Do you have girls too? gann515 7:07 AM EST, 1/12/00 (Message #410 of 454) Yep...2 girls...Stephanie is 9 and Nicole is 4. The only time I get any peace and quiet is when they are asleep! Yakomo 6:34 PM EST, 01/12/2000 (Message #411 of 454) I lost the thread of this one a while back. Weren't you two talking about grass? ;-) And how the heck do you guys see pictures around here? FreeToys 7:14 PM EST, 01/12/2000 (Message #412 of 454) They can be accessed from the topic Members Photo Gallery Charmed00 7:27 PM EST, 01/12/2000 (Message #413 of 454) The kind of grass you mow... Get your head outta the bong Yakomo ;-) gann515 5:47 PM EST, 01/12/2000 (Message #414 of 454) bONG? That was a little further back! Charmed00 6:04 PM EST, 01/12/2000 (Message #415 of 454) Saw it in "Detroit Rock City" Rented it last night. Funny Movie! Forgot about those things. Pickaxe 5:33 AM EST, 01/14/2000 (Message #416 of 454) WTF are the names "Teigan" and "Heath" supposed to be?? I've checked those pictures out. Gann you are, as you yanks would say "quiet a hootie". Charmed - Are you the one on the left or right? gann515 5:14 AM EST, 01/14/2000 (Message #417 of 454) A hootie? Don't think I've heard that one before...should I say thanks or slap you? Howenstein 9:13 AM EST, 01/14/2000 (Message #418 of 454) I hope he doesn't mean a "blowfish." gann515 6:30 AM EST, 01/14/2000 (Message #419 of 454) LOL Howe! That's what I was reminded of too. Yakomo 9:28 AM EST, 01/14/2000 (Message #420 of 454) I'm pretty sure it was a typo for "hottie", guys. And girls. I'd have to concur with pick in this matter, and I'm only 18... bong? what bong? you didn't see nothin'! gann515 6:46 AM EST, 1/14/00 (Message #421 of 454) A compliment from a younger man! You just made my day Yakomo! Yakomo 10:22 AM EST, 1/14/00 (Message #422 of 454) No problem.  (best of all, I didn't even have to lie...) 20thCenturyFox 6:39 PM EST, 1/15/00 (Message #423 of 454) Marcus...(about 30+ posts ago)...Thanks - I appreciate it whenever anyone acknowledges my writing, but especially if they know what they're talking about, which I think you do. I've got a writing-intensive class at school right now, so I'll probably be posting some more stuff as it comes along. (I'll only post the better ones, b/c we write 3 or 4 papers a week...and I know you'd all be ready to kill me if I added that much) gann - I was gonna tell you that right after you first sent your pic, that I thought you were pretty (I'm jealous!) but I'm tired of being called a dyke (not that there's anything wrong with that) (WHY does that obnoxious phrase have to follow every un-p.c. statement?). Hey everybody, newsflash of the century...maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but I think I just might enjoy this semester! I've been so scholarly it's crazy! Marcus_Metcalfe 11:09 PM EST, 1/15/00 (Message #424 of 454) 20thCenturyFox. Nice to have you back. I meant what I said about your film and writing. I, for one, will look forward to seeing your future "writing" posts. Charmed00 3:12 AM EST, 1/16/00 (Message #425 of 454) Oh pickie, Don't be jealous that your blow up girlfriend isn't very pretty. It's not your fault, it's the only one that they would sell to you. 20thCenturyFox 7:10 PM EST, 1/16/00 (Message #426 of 454) Suddenly I could see it just as it was that day, almost four months - only four months? - ago. Though it was a dark winter night and I was sitting in the middle of the couch, and the music was much too mellow, the vibe too reminiscent of others to be right, I was there again. I could see myself sitting in the captain's chair, the green sweater I'd felt so self-concious in, eyes squinting behind my Yoko Ono glasses against the early afternoon sun. The deja vu could never be stronger as I sat under that very window, watching myself and them like they were on that day, so new and refreshing. I wouldn't have imagined things would've become so involved, not to mention go from 100mph to 40 in no time at all. Half my body felt tingling, nerves stretching toward the late September sun, the other half slumping toward the floor and the January hibernation. The most amazing feeling, the strongest, most familiar yearning, a distant memory that fades even as I write this...but it was too vivid to be a scene from the past. It was there a minute ago, but now it's all shifted and I feel I'm back right where I started this winding, self-destructive crazy existence of mine so many lifetimes ago. I wrote the above while stoned out of my gourd. It refers to a group of friends I once had. (Does anyone think I write any differently while influenced? Just curious.) gann515 7:50 PM EST, 1/16/00 (Message #427 of 454) Sheesh, I'm blushing now. 20th, I don't get it either...my friends and I compliment each other and the guys always make some comment. They just wish we would let them live out that fantasy...but it's our little secret  BTW, I don't know which other writings you did "under the influence" but I did like that last one. strat-0 6:24 PM EST, 1/16/00 (Message #428 of 454) Cool, 20thC. I had to read it a couple of times, to catch on. Maybe I'll get my head tuned-up and read it again. The first one was easier to follow. BTW, some interesting conversation over on the "Who's Your Favorite Poster" board, about this board. (Don't ask me why it turned up there, eh, Neil?) It got me to wondering if there is a way to download an entire board at once, preferably without the sidebars, etc. That would make it a lot easier to catch-up when you're new to a board, and refer back to who people are and what they said. I've talked to FreeToys about it and emailed Bob F. Haven't hear from Bob yet. No easy way, thus far. Anyone have any ideas? | Edit Message | Delete Message | Marcus_Metcalfe 10:24 PM EST, 1/16/00 (Message #429 of 454) 20thCenturyFox. Liked the piece; however I have to admit, I'm no longer a fan of "creating" art while high. After years of comparison, I'm forced to admit that what I've done "straight" just has a more enduring value than the rest; even though I never really thought so at the time. Just came back to add another comment. I like your writing style; but must say, I like the piece you posted on the "Worst Job" board today the best of all. It not only has authentic feeling and an overall sense of "authority"; it opens a window of insight into you as a person that is less guarded than your other pieces. As I mentioned a couple of days ago, writing isn't about experience, it's about finding your "voice". I feel I hear your true voice loud and clear in this piece. Just my humble opinion. 20thCenturyFox 10:27 PM EST, 1/16/00 (Message #430 of 454) Oh, trust me, I agree on that...I wrote that in front of a friend and he kept begging to read it, but I wouldn't let him as I wasn't sure how it would sound later. I edited the hell out of it...it was closer to one long sentence when I originally did it. I usually get ideas when I'm high, and then work with them later. Mostly I'm just able to get a different perspective on things that way. Marcus_Metcalfe 7:44 PM EST, 01/16/2000 (Message #431 of 454) 20thCenturyFox. See add-on to my last comment. strat-0 11:10 PM EST, 01/18/2000 (Message #432 of 454) Time for a journal excerpt. "In every young man's life there is a time of transition, a passing from one stage of life to the next. For some, the change is subtle or gradual; for others it is profound, rebellious, even violent. Some do not survive it. Mine was somewhere in between. I began to consider myself a man at the age of nineteen, after died. B and I shared an apartment, and though we fought some, we talked of marriage. She died alone in an auto accident. Coming to grips with that shocking loss took many years, and started me on the road to manhood. This road would carry my life to four different states, to many towns and cities over the following three years: different people, different homes, different cars, different lives. Many of the memories have become hazy and dim with the passage of time; some seem as fresh as if they'd happened yesterday.
One such memory is of the year I spent in St. Louis. I underwent the transition there, undertook a self-imposed emancipation. My memory has been aided by a little journal which I kept during the latter part of my stay. Written on scraps of paper, paper plates and napkins, it documents some of the experiences of my initiation. I came upon it recently and decided to fill in some of the gaps, and give it a more readable form, before the details were lost. It is not a larger-than-life tale of heroism, nor does it deal with extraordinary events or people. It is simply one man's story of manumission.
September 7, 1981
The Beginning
The first night I camped out was the night before last. Earlier this week I bought a secondhand canvas tent, a big, old, olive-drab army surplus umbrella tent. I had picked out a place to set it up, but it was too dark when I got there, since I'd gone to a nearby truckstop after work for a shower (which can be a pretty creepy experience). I'd been hanging-out the past few nights at a disused roadside fruit stand with my dog, playing guitar, quaffing a few beers and sleeping in my truck, but that night I decided to go down the hill into the woods to my chosen site, and build a fire. The "fruit stand" where I park my truck is on a pull- off shaped lot by the roadside, on Lindbergh Boulevard near Baptist Church Road, southeast of St. Louis. It's an open stand of plywood and two-by-fours, with a few roof panels still remaining. On one side of the lot there is a thinly wooded area; on the other, a few trees and then a service station. Directly across the street stands a Burger King. Behind the lot is row of trees, then a rather steep drop-off to a wooded area below, with a few small knolls. This will be "my" area, about four acres, densely foliated in places, and kind of hidden. It's sort of a little piece of no-man's land. Whether it's owned by the county, a corporation or an individual, I don't know, but it is rather oddly placed in this suburban business district, just about a mile from where I work. Beyond the little wooded area are pastures.
I had scouted the area the day before and noticed sinkholes, gullies, mud holes, a couple of refuse dumps and various other hazards. This was lower land than I would have preferred for a campsite. Anyway, I hadn't thought about collecting fire wood then, so I ended up stumbling around for it in the dark. After I got the fire started I could see better, and I discovered a nice dead tree, which I wrestled for a couple of good sized logs. I had brought my sleeping bag down with me, just to sit on, but the fire was so nice and tranquil and I was so tired that I curled up and went to sleep. The fire burned all night.
The next day I went to the store and laid-in supplies: "Off!" hot dogs, candles, beer, ice, etc. I cleared some brush from a little opening in the trees and pitched the tent. It went up nice and taught. Then I gathered up some firewood (in daylight this time). My furnishings consist of a foam pad for my bed, and a "Playmate" cooler, which doubles as a stool. Other luxuries include an alarm clock, a water jug, and toiletries. When night came I made a big fire and roasted weenies. Then I drank a few beers, smoked a joint, played guitar, looked at the stars - I've never felt so free. * * *
Today I awoke to see [G] looking through the open flap of my tent at about 11:30. She only stayed a few minutes; just came by to see how I was doing. My dog led her down to the campsite. Rhiannon loves it here; she chases birds and squirrels and generally runs all around the place. She was B's dog; now she's mine.
I went to the Burger King across the street and got some french fries and a couple of handfuls of various condiment and jelly packs, along with some salt and pepper and a cup of ice for the cooler. Then I went home and gathered firewood. I put some in the tent; it looks like rain. Sure enough, about 1:30 it started - a light rain, and the tent is holding up fine.
4:00 - Raining hard now. The water is beginning to rise and this clearing is in a low spot. I may have to abandon the tent and wade out of here. This is not a happy prospect..."
[There is a gap in the journal at this point. I became occupied with more immediate concerns, and made no entries for some time. My site flooded that day and I had to abandon the tent. As the water rose higher, the tent began to float, turning the floor into something like a water bed. I was impressed with the water-shedding ability of the tent, but wisely decided to bail out. When the water receded I went back to find that my gear was still there, no worse for the wear. I borrowed a hatchet from G and cleared some small trees from a hill, and moved the tent to this higher ground. I cut up the trees for firewood. From that time on, during periods of heavy or prolonged rain, I was on an island.]
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undrwatr 11:11 PM EST, 01/19/2000 (Message #433 of 454)
Yeah, Strato, I agree. It seems that our "adulthood" begins when we are launched onto that road which carries us to ". . . different people, different homes, different cars, [and] different lives." Mine wasn't so abrupt as yours but I was reading your post and reflecting. . . The first time that I felt "on that road" was when I was in college and began a job in Houston. I was from the midwest (about 1200 miles away). That was the very first time that I was totally on the road alone. I got there and remember thinking, "Wow. Here I am. This is life!!" It was really refreshing. I wasn't living in a tent, but I think that the whole gist of this is the lack of common surroundings. I felt as though I was on an expedition--I couldn't wait to see what lie around the next bend. It's that kind of excitement that makes me want to keep living. It's those feelings that make me curse the few days that I think about dying. It's amazing that these feelings come from within one same person. Ok I diverge. Anyway, just wanted to say that I loved reading your passage and it actually felt good.
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Post by strat-0 on Jan 20, 2006 21:16:05 GMT -5
strat-0 5:51 PM EST, 01/20/2000 (Message #434 of 454) Thanks, Undrwatr. The living in a tent thing got old pretty quick, especially as the weather got colder. I think they call that "homeless" now. I couldn't save enough for an apartment fast enough, so I left town. At least it wasn't disasterous, as it well could have been. There's another bit from it at #256. I just realized that I posted the first paragraph or so of that last one already. Sorry folks. | Edit Message | Delete Message | Charmed00 7:16 PM EST, 01/20/2000 (Message #435 of 454) Strat, I lived on the boston Common at 15 years old. Hated home so I left. The thing that sucked was, everytime I got a job, as soon as they found out I didn't have an address, I was fired, Go figure. I'd have to bounce from one job to another just about every two weeks. The other thing that sucked was sleeping with one eye opened all the time. strat-0 9:22 PM EST, 01/20/2000 (Message #436 of 454) Charmed, yeah, that's kind of a catch 22 about the address. You also have to have an address to get any kind of public assistance. It's like, "If I had an address, I might not need public assistance!" Sleeping with one eye open, oh, yeah. You sleep on a hare trigger, and the slightest thing wakes you up. | Edit Message | Delete Message | Charmed00 10:34 PM EST, 01/20/2000 (Message #437 of 454) You've got that right. I knew when someone was walking withen 100 feet. I don't think I really fully slept. Wish I'd thought of the tent. I did get locked in a church bathroom once over night. That was kinda a suck but, it was warm. Rocky Sigman 7:58 PM EST, 01/20/2000 (Message #438 of 454) Okay, I'm not normally one to pour my heart out to virtual strangers, but right now I need to let it out. For the past five months, I've been dating this girl, Liz. She's the most wonderful thing in the world. I can honestly say that these past few months with her have been the first time I've been truly happy with my life in nearly five years. Now I'm only 17 years old, so that was a pretty damn long period of misery. And she pulled me out of it, without even trying. Just by being who she is, she's made me happy to be me. Now I'm just fucking confused. Just this afternoon we were discussing our plans for spring break to go to Florida, as well as all sorts of other long term things. Now all of a sudden she springs on me that she doesn't want to see me for a while. All she says is that she's not good enough for me and that's it. End of conversation. She won't answer her phone, and I'm sitting her totally disheveled. Fuck, this wonderful piece of humanity has made my life worth living and I'm to good for her? This makes no sense. So here I am, crying my eyes out (yeah, I admit it, fuck my male pride--I'm in love dammit), and I don't even know what this is all about. Can anyone give me a little insight into the female psyche? How can she so willingly break the heart of a person that she thinks is so great that she's not worthy of? Why will she give me no real explanation? How could she possibly not understand that this horrible feeling of being dumped combined with not even knowing why (and I maintain that not knowing why something is happening to you is the worst feeling in the world) is tearing me up? Why won't she even answer her phone? And when she says "We shouldn't see each other for a little while", how long is a little while? And does this mean that we won't talk at all? Shit, I know I have a lot of questions, but there's just so much rattling through my mind right now. Fuck, I'm miserable and confused. Can someone fill me in on what's going on in her head and my life? Charmed00 11:37 PM EST, 01/20/2000 (Message #439 of 454) Not knowing you or your girlfriend, I can only give you a clue as to what maybe happening. Some girls need to know that they are loved, special and so on to only you. If they pull this shit that's happening to you, it's almost always a cry for some security. Meaning you have to chase her, cry, do what ever to prove to her that she's the only one. I've seen this happen so many times. I've had friends that did this instead of just talking it out. It seems that talking and showing are two different things to some girls. Showing being the better choice for some. I hope I helped you. Just one more bit of advice, Don't let a girl make you crazy. It's not worth it and there's more out there just like her. you just don't know it. Trust me, I'm female and some of my friends pull some hokey shit on guys for fun. Howenstein 6:11 AM EST, 01/21/2000 (Message #440 of 454) I can't say this is the case for sure, Rocky, but I got that "You're too good for me" line from an old flame when I was about 18. In her case, it was a load of crap. I cried for several days, even prayed that she'd stay with me. Two weeks later, she was dating my band's drummer. But, as Garth Brooks said, "Thank God for unanswered prayers." The next serious relationship I had after that was when I met Mary - now my wife of 14 years. Charmed is right...there's more out there. And they won't all pull that kind of shit. jesuslookslikeme 9:41 AM EST, 1/21/00 (Message #441 of 454) Perfect words, Howenstein. I hope I'm wrong Rocky, but that's probably it, dude. Now remember the famous line, "frailty, thy name is woman" and get bitter, 'cos a heart that's only broken once is either one lucky organ, or a very timid one that accepts the first safe harbour it can dock at. I wouldn't normally speak in this sub-country vernacular, BTW, but it matches the mood. I'm with Howenstein on this - within a year of cursing the gods for cruel fate I met my partner of the last three years, and mother of my only child. Now the previous partner seems like a bad dream, and my only regret is not celebrating childishly when she ended it. That wouldn't have been very endearing of me, but oh, the satisfaction. I'd hurdle, tango, veritably whoop with delight (although whooping is a peculiarly American skill, and one which always sounds faintly embarrassing from the self- conscious lips of the snaggle- toothed Englishman) and thank her for leaving my life, if only I could go back to that sorry day when pride became insanely irrelevant. Um. I lost my thread for a minute there. Anyway, I've had the same thing said to me (more or less) when I was 18, 19, and 24, and I got through it undamaged. For the love of god, Montressor, I'm as normal as the next man. Right? Howenstein 9:59 AM EST, 1/21/00 (Message #442 of 454) LOL, JLLM, and right on the mark! I have that same regret. I mean, I really thought I was in love with that immature bitch, but once I found a truly good woman, it made me want to THANK that first woman. She did me a favor by ditching me first, 'cause I'd have probably just gutted it out. Staying with her would have meant a lifetime of misery. I know this isn't helping Rocky much. I hope Charmed is more correct -- and that your Liz is just crying for help. But if not, just know that the hurt WILL go away. TrpnBly 4:40 PM EST, 1/21/00 (Message #443 of 454) Rocky - The I'm too good for you line is just that - a line. Most likely, she's not being honest with you as women who truly think that somebody is too good for them will usually just treat them like shit. These are the kind of women who will fall deeply in love with men who are suppressive, manipulating, narcissistic pieces of shit. And we all know that good ol' Rocky is not that type of guy. "Just this afternoon we were discussing our plans for spring break to go to Florida, as well as all sorts of other long term things..." The answer is right in front of you. The relationship is becoming too serious for her. She's not ready for that kind of commitment, and I know that this might not help, but it's probably got nothing to do with you. I would assume that she is also 17 right? Not typically an age when people are emotionally mature enough for a "real" relationship. Don Pitcher 9:33 AM EST, 1/22/00 (Message #444 of 454) Several good points are being made towards Rocky about what may be behind his girl's actions. I too could chip in with "it's happened to me too" (and in fact drug out back & forth over two decades), but it seems to be fair reasoning that she may mainly be insecure with herself. He's too good for her is a particular point. My two cents for you Rocky is to try and live through your own hurt here while still being open towards her. DON'T let the hurt of yours turn to anger towards her...that won't help either of you. Show her that you're giving her that space but are still there for her. Let her know this. I've given speeches here before that you shouldn't chase Love just so that you can feel it being given to you, but rather possess Love within yourself and give it outward to others. (okay, kick in the closing of "Abbey Road" now....) Dude, here is a good time for you to add even more to your understanding of relationships --- remember that she is probably doing the same. Grasp this even more, as much as it may hurt at times, and remember it all. Try to understand it from her side as much as possible too. It'll help you in the future...trust me. Nirvanaturtle 2:15 PM EST, 1/22/00 (Message #445 of 454) I think a little websit called www.hamsterdance.com/ will help you out gann515 4:50 PM EST, 1/22/00 (Message #446 of 454) From a female point of view...any of the above situations may be the case. Cheating, being scared off by the "long term things" and insecurity are the only plausible explanations. Don (as usual  gave some great advice. Give yourself and her a little distance. Nirvanaturtle...very strange website...kids liked it. I just returned from visiting my husband's grandmother. She's in a nursing home now. It's so damn depressing leaving there. Something she said today is really stuck in my mind. She said that you work hard all of your life to have nice things...then you get old and all of the sudden everything is taken away...but by then you don't even need them. I knew that it must have been difficult for her to leave her apartment and all of her belongings, save for a few items of clothing, books and her television and clock radio. We have the responsibility of cleaning out the apartment. Deciding what to do with furniture, dishes, linens, clothes and some other personal items. It feels like such an imposition. I'm saving as much as possible...old pictures, that has been interesting. Some of them date back to the late 20's. It's strange seeing her as a young girl...she's been old ever since I've known her. Some china and silver...things that she wants us to have and pass on to our children. But it's so damn hard...we can't keep everything. What matters the most? Especially when, like she said...in the end, those "things" don't even matter. strat-0 2:29 PM EST, 1/22/00 (Message #447 of 454) Hey, Rocky, I know just how you feel. I'm going through a similar situation. "You're too good for me" is definitely a line. What I got was, "I don't love you anymore," and I guess it must be true. What answer can you give to that? You can jump to #201 and #316 for the story. At least you are young. I have to face the cold fact that this 5 years I wasted was my last, best chance for a family and happiness. I'm getting a little long in the tooth to be starting one at 40. Nice to see you around, Don! Where's 20thC? She needs to check out the dancing hamsters. She's got a little hamster farm going. Gann, Jeez, that's really depressing. Someone posted here not too long ago about the importance of the effect you have, and making a mark on other people's lives. I guess in the end, that's all there is: what people remember about you, and even that fades away eventually. I guess that's why we have kids. We think of ourselves as so selfless about our chidren, but it's our own shot at immortality. I hope I've made a difference to some people through teaching; too bad that became untenable. What next? Hmmmmm... | Edit Message | Delete Message | Don Pitcher 8:04 PM EST, 1/22/00 (Message #448 of 454) DAMNIT STRAT! WAS IT ALL WASTED?  Man, you know I feel for you, you know I realize how it plain fuckin' sucks, damn it DOES! But grab something out of those years and fuckin' cherish it for what you can. Not doing so is going to seal you into that hopelessness (and I think you know that!). Don't need to sound so harsh; I'm hoping that somewhere inside you know some of what I'm getting at. 20thCenturyFox 9:27 PM EST, 1/22/00 (Message #449 of 454) Actually, I had found a page called 'Dan and Steve's Hamster Dance Death Page'...it doesn't seem to exist anymore, but now I think it must have been a retaliation of sorts against that page. (BTW, I know I should put this on the Pet Sounds board...but sometime in the last two weeks Xena ate four of her own children, and Schmee has escaped about 4 more times....I don't get it. There's no way he can be getting out, but he does it somehow!) I may soon be posting less (stop cheering, already) b/c I'm getting more duties at work...I was gonna say 'promotion' but the pay's actually lower for some of the jobs. Still more hours, though. The Optimist You remember that song? That cheesy pop song that lasted for ten minutes in the summer time. It had a refrain that went, "I'm a big big girl in a big big world, it's not a big big thing if you leave." I thought of it today as I climbed the steps to my apartment, head ducked against the howling wind and blowing snow. It seemed at that moment that the world was infinitely vast and unconquerable, and I was a tiny speck fighting to stay upright. I could see myself in my mind's eye, small but triumphant, a huge load of bricks piled on and above me but not quite succeeding in crushing me. I felt so fragile, yet defiant and determined. It was the first time in my life that I've felt diminutive. It was also the first time in a long time that I felt able to stand up to everything. In that state I suddenly knew I'd always be alone, but I would get through it. I heard a weird item of gossip the other day...it's been giving me strange dreams, I don't know how to react to it. A girl that was a close friend of mine in high school is apparently now stripping in the sleaziest club in the Lower Peninsula. We had a falling out that ended our friendship, but instead of laughing at her fate it makes me want to cry for some reason. She was never a true friend, and she's done horrible things to me, but I still feel bad about it in a way. Rocky Sigman 9:23 PM EST, 1/22/00 (Message #450 of 454) Well, she insists that she does still love me, and that makes it hurt all that much more. It also makes it that much more confusing. strat-0 2:02 AM EST, 1/23/00 (Message #451 of 454) Don, you're right, I can't really say those 5 years were wasted. They were the best, happiest years of my life. I will always remember them. And I "learned" something. But they are a little tainted now. The reason they feel wasted is because I was still pretty young then (34 - an "oldster" to some here, I know) and had never been married. I wanted to be sure. Now I'm a 40 yr. old divorcee. (However, I do have my degree now. :] ) Perhaps in another 6 months, someone else might have have come along who would still be with me. But that's that old "what if" shit. Rocky, as they say, "hope for the best, and prepare for the worst." 20thC, Tell Xena to stop eating her young. Enjoyed your segment under "The Optimist". You should paste the hamster stuff to the "Pet Sounds" board, and do your bit to 'help keep a board alive'! (Oh, Samples...? Where are you, Samples?) | Edit Message | Delete Message | 20thCenturyFox 4:15 PM EST, 1/23/00 (Message #452 of 454) I just realized it seems quite callous to be spouting my usual bs in the middle of everyone's conversation...it's just that I obviously don't have anything to say about the relationship issues. Theoretically I could give you the perfect advice and explanations, but if theory worked when put into practice it would become a law, and then no one would have any problems at all. I know nothing about continuing a relationship beyond a few nights, so I'm just staying out of it. On a lighter note, my parents celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary today. I can't imagine it... I don't think I'll be having any more problems with Xena for awhile, strat...check out Pet Sounds for more details. Yakomo 11:40 PM EST, 1/23/00 (Message #453 of 454) Well, I'm even _less_ qualified to help you than 20thC is, Rocky (at least she's _had_ relationships), but as another young, baffled male and amateur student of human behaviour, I can try to give you some advice. I assume that since she dropped that little bomb on you you've talked again, and you've reassured her that you _do_ love her, even if she's not "good enough for you". And she still maintains she wants some time apart? This is tough - my usual approach to this sort of thing (and I've waded thru this sort of crap for some friends before, quite successfully, I say with pride) is to talk to the two people together and try to get each others' point across. Obviously I can't tell without knowing you and Liz, but if she is jerking you around... drop it. Rip that relationship from your psyche and cauterize the wound. Appreciate how good it was and how much you liked her, but don't bother trying to fix it. You don't have the time for that kind of shit, and you don't deserve it. Now, on the other hand, it could very well be true that she's being sincere. I hope for your sake and hers that she is, because then things are a (little) easier. Unfortunately, giving advice in that case is infinitly harder, since none of us know you or her personally. It's even harder for me to give you advice in this case, since her actions if she is being sincere confuse the hell out of me. I mean, I know _I'm_ insecure, but this is ridiculous... The hard part will be determining which she is, and you have to have an open mind as to the possibility that she just may be deceiving you. This is where sympathetic friends, her friends, are going to be a big help. You're irreparably biased - get a second opinion, one you trust. And you're going to need to talk to her some more, obviously. If you do wind up operating under the assumption that she's sincere, don't give up. Even if you can't get her to get back together, you can at least try to make her feel better about herself. Charmed00 1:51 AM EST, 1/24/00 (Message #454 of 454) Yakomo, For someone that doesn't think their advice would be any good, I think you made very good points. Finding someone he can trust would be a good start. It's the only way to really find out what's going on. She may not be willing to tell the truth. Another thing I thought of when reading your post yak is, she could be holding on to him while she tests someone else out. Not a Cool thing to do if that were to be the case. Author: Rocky Sigman Number: 446 of 1691 Date: Jan. 24, 2000 1:14 PM Here's the thing: It's not so much time apart, as we've hung out three times since she dropped that bomb on me, twice on her invite. Supposedly she's writing me some sort of letter to better explain this whole thing today, but I don't know if that will happen. Further complicating things is that she has kissed me a few times (uncomfortably I might add) in between talking about how she needs to just be friends for a while. I'm so fucking confused. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Lucky Charmed Number: 447 of 1691 Date: Jan. 24, 2000 3:16 PM Why a letter and not in person? did she say? POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Yakomo Number: 448 of 1691 Date: Jan. 24, 2000 8:02 PM Probably because it's easier to say some things in a letter - you can get everything out, the other person can't interrupt, and you don't have to deal with their anguish. Or whatever. Thanks charmed - I'm actually pretty confident in my advice when I know the people concerned - I've not made a serious misstep there ever. But I don't know rocky or liz, and I always remind the people I try to help that my advice is (unfortunately) untempered by any personal experience. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Nirvanaturtle Number: 449 of 1691 Date: Jan. 24, 2000 11:51 PM Well,dont let her kiss you. Act as if everything is fine and even flirt in front of her. Then she will know what a good thing shes lost and shell come back. Thats just an idea so no one get mad at me if its a stupid one. I was in a thing relatively close to yours and it worked for me. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: 20thCenturyFox Number: 450 of 1691 Date: Jan. 25, 2000 12:24 PM Sorry to disrupt the theme again, but what else is my self-centered ass good for... Two poems I wrote during my public speaking lecture. could you be it, my dream in all your own confusion all alone in our little world isn't so alone at all with you I see colors maybe hazardous still beautiful We're only too different if I say that we are. Standing on the desk you make me cry you see it so clearly though you don't see me what are you? is it a game? you feel, I know just enough will it be another illusion... anyone catch the reference to Dead Poet Society, if so you know I'm not that weird yet... P.S. about Nirvanaturtle's advice...no offense to him (her?) but I'm not so sure that's a good idea. Personally if it were me, and I were doing such a thing like she's doing to you out of insecurity, watching you hit on other girls would only make me suicidal. But hey, that's me. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: TrpnBly Number: 451 of 1691 Date: Jan. 25, 2000 4:54 PM Rocky...I'd second Nirvanaturtle on that one. She obviously knows you care for her a great deal, but IMO isn't ready for a commitment. Hanging around every with you as if nothing ever happened and planting a kiss on you is just her wanting to "have her cake and eat it too" - she isn't committed, but she still gets your undivided attention. The kiss is there to keep you from doing what Nirvanaturtle has told you to do. By acting as if nothing is wrong, flirting with others, etc. you're showing her that she in fact, can't have her cake and eat it too and that she's gonna have to make a decision...and if her decision is to break it off with no chance of reconciliation then so be it - as they say, "It just wasn't meant to be". POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Rocky Sigman Number: 452 of 1691 Date: Jan. 25, 2000 6:14 PM Turned out to be an email--not a letter (didn't even have to see me read it that way!). Yeah, she cheated on me. Told me what happened from here on was up to me. Obviously I can't continue to date her, although I really wish I could (I love her so much). But I really would be giving that impression that I could be abused if I just got back together with her and pretended nothing happened. I really need her in my life though, so maybe we'll end up being friends. I guess I'll just have to see. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Nirvanaturtle Number: 453 of 1691 Date: Jan. 25, 2000 5:02 PM Act as if this isnt affecting you whatsoever. But dont try to make her upset,I dont know if thats possible or not but if it is try it. You SHOULD try to stay good friends with her. Tell her how it hurt you,and you dont know if you can ever fully trust her again. I would wait a month to get over it before you try to go out with her again(you said you did but diddnt want to act as if you take abuse) and if you are still willing and if she is willing you should try it again. But be sure to sound firm when you say this one. Tell her that if she DOES care about you she wont ever do anything like that again and if she does she will lose you forever as a boyfriend and as a friend. Again that is just what I would do and its just an idea. Oh,in case anyone is wondering Im a guy.(20th) Did she tell you why she cheated on you in the first place?..... POST REPORT ABUSE |
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Post by strat-0 on Jan 20, 2006 21:16:26 GMT -5
Author: Nirvanaturtle
Number:
454 of 1691
Date: Jan. 25, 2000 8:07 PM
Actually you dont have to wait a month. Shell probly end up having no feelings for you as a boyfriend whatsoever. Wait about a week..
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Author: Yakomo
Number:
455 of 1691
Date: Jan. 26, 2000 9:04 AM
Ouch. Sorry to hear it, rocky. I'd just call off the relationship thing entirely and remain friends, if possible. But if she tries to get back together, you may want to refuse.
Author: The S.S. Howenstein
Number:
456 of 1691
Date: Jan. 26, 2000 11:37 AM
Ahh...the truth comes out. I thought from the first post, that something (maybe guilt?) was bothering her. I wish it wasn't that way, Rocky, but at least you know now. The girl in my post and I tried the "let's be friends" thing. Fortunately, she moved to Texas a few months later and I didn't have to see her face again.
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Author: Rocky Sigman
Number:
457 of 1691
Date: Jan. 26, 2000 4:08 PM
There's no way in hell that I'm gonna go out with her again. I still love her very much, but I know what kind of message I'd be sending about myself, and I just can't go through the pain of finding out again (as it isn't all that likely that it would never happen again). We're off to a decent start as just friends though.
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Author: Bob Ferdman
Number:
458 of 1691
Date: Jan. 26, 2000 3:41 PM
Same thing happened to a while back, Rocky. You're doing the right thing. Trust is crucial, in my opinion.
I couldn't get back together with her, even when she wanted to, because in my mind I had a dainted picture of her and us.
Stay strong.
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Author: Marcus_Metcalfe
Number:
459 of 1691
Date: Jan. 27, 2000 1:53 PM
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Author: The S.S. Howenstein
Number:
460 of 1691
Date: Jan. 27, 2000 6:05 AM
"dainted"?
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Author: Lucky Charmed
Number:
461 of 1691
Date: Jan. 27, 2000 7:20 AM
Bob, you probably moved her and couldn't find her like some boards around here. Or she disappeared like most posts. Maybe you had the date and time wrong and didn't meet her, like the dates and times on the boards!
Rocky..sorry to hear that, what a shitty way to find out. I hope everything works out for you. She's not the only girl out there.
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Author: strat-0
Number:
462 of 1691
Date: Jan. 27, 2000 9:27 AM
*ouch*
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Author: strat-0
Number:
463 of 1691
Date: Jan. 30, 2000 11:20 AM
I have compiled the entire Bared Souls board (except for the last few days) into a Word document. No sidebars or anything, just the text. It's a lot faster and easier to review that way. If anyone's interested, email me and I can send it as an attachment. It's about 180 pages!
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Author: strat-0
Number:
464 of 1691
Date: Jan. 30, 2000 10:48 PM
I could have sworn I posted this once, already. hmmmm... Anyhow, I have compiled the entire Bared Souls board as a Word document (without the sidebars, etc.). Much easier for checking back or catching up. Or if you just want to read. If anyone's interested, email me and I'll send it as an attachment (it's about 180 pages!).
Author: strat-0
Number:
465 of 1691
Date: Jan. 30, 2000 10:47 PM
[this is a test]
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Author: strat-0
Number:
466 of 1691
Date: Jan. 30, 2000 10:52 PM
What the... the board is on message #467, and I'm posting up here at #473? When I come back, the message is gone, cause we aren't up to that yet. It's like the twilight zone. What happens when the board gets to 473?
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Author: 20thCenturyFox
Number:
467 of 1691
Date: Feb. 1, 2000 12:56 PM
Shroomin' 00 (Episode Four?)
"Drive."
"What?"
"Just drive."
Toward everything, away from nothing. Or vice versa?
Perpetual twilight above as we're creeping toward that anonymous city. I think this is wrong, she should be I and they, them. We're each encapsulated in our own separate realities, one for each foot of square space in this Tempo. Hanging by a thread, tonight we ride.
I fool myself, pretend it should be better. I know that it wouldn't be, but I know that's how they are looking at it. The situation's different, though, 'cause they've got the option and I'm just an inconvenience to them. I shield myself from it all, spinning wild impossible fantasies, trying to change things simply by will. I know it can never happen, most of it, but I lock myself away inside hoping the thoughts will suffice. The few memories that I do have are still a little off, still not right, and I re-live them in a jaded light just to make the most of everything...to make the most of nothing.
I can't quite explain this deep sensuality, the reflecting pools mirroring a soul - my own or someone else's? It's parallel again, I'm different and I don't know why. It's not lonely, necessarily, just separate. Just outside the realm of everyone else, I play along but they know it's a part. Not that they care...I'm just a background, a prop, another actor to them. We do things because they seem appropriate, not necessarily because they're right. I know this because it will never be all right.
Nine hours later we arrived home. We made love with the lights on, staring into each other's eyes. Why? There's nothing there to see.
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Post by strat-0 on Jan 20, 2006 21:16:46 GMT -5
Author: Don Pitcher Number: 468 of 1691 Date: Feb. 1, 2000 2:44 PM ...I've seen light within her eyes; drifted out from my own into hers, merging, unifying, glowing into one mutual sense... {35 hours with no sleep -- I ought not to have popped in here -- or at least send the remainder of this to someone who'll perhaps recall the end of the story...} POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Lucky Charmed Number: 469 of 1691 Date: Feb. 5, 2000 1:54 AM I knew this board would die! POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Don Pitcher Number: 470 of 1691 Date: Feb. 5, 2000 12:58 PM I perfer "Amazing Grace" over "Taps"...if that matters. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: gann515 Number: 471 of 1691 Date: Feb. 5, 2000 5:05 PM Amazing Grace is a beautiful song. I don't think this board is quite dead yet though. I'm taking a public speaking course this semester and our last assignment was to find a magazine or newspaper clipping from the time we were born that related to our current life philosophy. We then had to give a 2 minute speech about it. Since I could only use an outline, I'm writing as close to what I said as I can recall. While searching for events which occurred in May of 1971, I was thinking about what my life philosophy was. My first thoughts were considerably cynical. We are born, we struggle through life and then we die. I then came across the cover of an entertainment magazine called After Dark. The May 1971 issue featured a stunning double image of Bette Midler. I have admired "The Divine Miss M." for quite a long time. She is a wonderful singer and actress. I began to think about entertainment and its effect on society. Mainly, it is a form of communication. Communication is a significant factor of life relationships. Whether through the written word or in public speaking, good communication skills have made significant differences in my quality of life. It has helped to "make things happen" as well as avoid many misunderstandings. I hope that one day, everyone will be able to communicate in such a way that all humankind may live life in harmony. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: gann515 Number: 472 of 1691 Date: Feb. 5, 2000 2:17 PM Blech...That last part didn't sound too "Miss America" like, did it? I was really nervous... POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Goat_Lover Number: 473 of 1691 Date: Feb. 6, 2000 8:12 AM YEAH! Good stuff, folk! This is what makes THIS so much better than the old way... ;o) POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Don Pitcher Number: 474 of 1691 Date: Feb. 6, 2000 8:17 AM Gann: You touch on something that goes very deep. Being back in "business" again after a year and having to deal with employee issues, customer issues, issues with my superiors, etc., the communication thing is brought so much back to light for me. And that's just the work side of things. Think too of how important it is for child & parent to communicate (and I'm sure you do). My mother & I just yesterday had a talk about how different I turned out as compared to my sister. She was married and out of the house at 16 and in short, just has never grown up. Some values were never fully developed as such, and in turn she never was around her son to pass (communicate) values on to him. He's now got a child a few months old that he's never seen (been in jail the past year) from a woman I hear he has NO interest in, etc etc...the same downward spiral. Man, I'm getting WAY off the track from what I was trying to say....and unfortunately I gotta split off to the store for a while. I'll have to try and come back on later and put down something that is more orderly. Author: Mary Blaney Number: 475 of 1691 Date: Feb. 6, 2000 2:27 PM Once again I'm here to make you all realize that your lives actually aren't going that badly... Earlier this weekend my apartment was broken into and completely ransacked and I lost thousands of dollars worth of (uninsured) stuff. Including, most notably, a brand new (expensive) laptop, half my CD collection, and my stereo speakers. I lost all my Beatles and Clash CDs, my favorite stuff, needless to say. I lost a lot of old work on that laptop that wasn't properly backed up. When I came home the place looked like something out of a movie - stuff all over the floor, furniture overturned, my clothes were like ripped out of my dresser and scattered everywhere. Rather unpleasant... Once again, I am inclined to quote the good ol' Buzzc*cks (whose name I don't think I'm actually allowed to type here): something's gone wrong again. oh well, it's just stuff, M POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Don Pitcher Number: 476 of 1691 Date: Feb. 6, 2000 3:16 PM Let alone the loss of possessions, the knowledge that someone(s) violated your place would be a great source of anger for me. That they went through your clothes, etc. Fuckin' assholes! Thought about your Clash discs even before I read down to where you said they nabbed those too. Real sorry to hear that MB -- any hope to tracking down the culprits? POST REPORT ABUSE Author: TrpnBly Number: 477 of 1691 Date: Feb. 7, 2000 1:48 AM Let me just say that the majority of the time when you are bulgarized the perpetrators are somebody you know. Nice thought, I know, but don't go looking all that far for the thief/thieves - they are probably right under your nose. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: gann515 Number: 478 of 1691 Date: Feb. 7, 2000 12:36 PM That really sucks...especially if it was a friend/acquaintance. Don...I know what you mean. It is so difficult to get your kids to understand certain things. My daughters are like night and day. I really worry about the older one. She's so defiant...to make matters worse she doesn't believe anything I tell her; always has to get a 2nd opinion! And I try to be as honest as possible with her. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Katt_Klock Number: 479 of 1691 Date: Feb. 7, 2000 5:58 PM DrBotanus is sickened by what happened to Mary Blaney and would offer a large bounty upon the heads of those whom stole her belongings, if the good DrB could afford it...This office recommends severe forced swimmings in a vat of acid for the perpetrators. Kant spel as always eizer. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: The S.S. Howenstein Number: 480 of 1691 Date: Feb. 8, 2000 6:19 AM That really SUCKS, Mary. If it will help restore your collection, e-mail me your address and I'll gladly send you my "London Calling" CD. My wife never listens to that stuff, and will never know it's gone! POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Yakomo Number: 481 of 1691 Date: Feb. 8, 2000 10:06 AM Those complete and utter fucks! Laptops and such are one thing, but I'm pretty sure I'd kill anyone who stole half my CD collection, and it's pretty miniscule compared to most peoples' around here. Hope the cops catch those bastards, mary. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Mary Blaney Number: 482 of 1691 Date: Feb. 8, 2000 2:54 PM OK, my little update... well, my friends rock, and have all kicked in to contribute to an insanely large Tower Records gift certificate to help me begin to rebuild my poor ravaged CD collection... (they know me far too well...) So Howe, your offer is much appreciated but shouldn't be necessary... actually, I did manage to retain my older copies of London Calling and Sandinista anyway because I had just bought the remasters and stowed away the old ones in a drawer. The laptop is, by far, the worst thing from a practical standpoint. But those CDs .... that's what life is all about, right? Thankfully left untouched were the Jam, the Kinks, the Velvet Underground, and the Who (basically, everything on the right side of my CD case) so it's been all about Setting Sons and Loaded lately... don't let the bastards grind you down, M POST REPORT ABUSE Author: The S.S. Howenstein Number: 483 of 1691 Date: Feb. 8, 2000 12:28 PM Glad to hear that you've got some cool friends to help out, M. So, Setting Sons was left behind? I hope "Thick as Thieves" didn't strike a nerve (LOL!). POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Nirvanaturtle Number: 484 of 1691 Date: Feb. 8, 2000 7:58 PM Go to www.Jesusdance.com. It makes me laugh. Author: Nirvanaturtle Number: 485 of 1691 Date: Feb. 9, 2000 5:13 PM Why does it say #493 of 487? This is messed up.... POST REPORT ABUSE Author: gann515 Number: 486 of 1691 Date: Feb. 9, 2000 10:08 PM specialsauce...it's been awhile! Ritalin...my daughter's elementary school has been trying to convince me for 2 years to get her on it. She is very hyper and impulsive but they have never had any behavior problems with her (she saves that for me!). Her grades have been mostly B's until this year though. I don't doubt that she may have ADD but I've always been aprehensive about that drug. I'm pretty sure her father has it (ADD) but nobody ever put him on drugs! I'm looking into something new called Adderol (sp) only because her grades have slipped this year and she is having trouble with homework and I really want her to succeed in school. I'm still not sure what to do though. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Don Pitcher Number: 487 of 1691 Date: Feb. 10, 2000 6:53 AM Ritalin has an amazing effect on a friend of mine's young son. He can be going over-the-top hyper, just totally bouncing off the walls, and then 20-30 minutes after taking the pill, becomes totally focused. Not drugged out or anything, but able to zero in on doing one thing and maintain himself. I'm also aware of there being pro's & con's over the medication and that there are alternatives out there. I think having a good doctor is the obvious start (not just someone who likes to push pills and be done with it). As a parent I would get to the library/jump around the Net or something and do some research and see how the drug fits in with your particular situation. As a side: good to see your name pop up SSauce. You were another that some of us were wondering about a month or so ago. POST REPORT ABUSE |
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Post by strat-0 on Jan 20, 2006 21:17:42 GMT -5
Author: Goat_Lover Number: 488 of 1691 Date: Feb. 10, 2000 9:41 AM I like drugs. Drugs make me very happy. Just like women who want to be my sex object. Sex and drugs rule. Gimmie pills, and pot! And hot sex-goddesses! The occasional drink... And ROCK-N-ROLL! I don't want to save the world. Fuck the world. FTW, MOTHERFUCKER! Can't please 'em all, and I'm not even going to TRY, and joke 'em if they can't take a fuck! POST REPORT ABUSE Author: specialsauce Number: 489 of 1691 Date: Feb. 11, 2000 10:38 AM It's nice to have time to get back on these boards, but not under these circumstances. I took a bad fall at work a few months ago, but continued to work w/ medication. Finally I asked my boss to cut me down to a few days, and while at home not taking meds, I can barely walk. My boss had my workmen's comp. canceled, so now I can't afford a doctor, and I can't work w/out medication. My muscles are all out of line in my back, and it hurts like hell! I've been forced to take drastic measures to kill the pain, so I've been pretty depressed. About the ritlan, I had a friend w/ a handi-capped daughter that was put on that drug. It did seem to calm her, but the parents used to take off the coating of the pills, smash them up, and snort the powder for the same effect as coke! If I were you Gann, I'd definately look into an alternative to ritlan.(sp?) POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Lucky Charmed Number: 490 of 1691 Date: Feb. 11, 2000 11:32 AM What's (sp?) POST REPORT ABUSE Author: gann515 Number: 491 of 1691 Date: Feb. 11, 2000 7:28 PM (sp?)-Not sure of spelling I guess I'm a little prejudice about taking pills. I did it for awhile, and it masked certain problems, but they don't go away. I'd like for my daughter to be able to manage without relying on a pill. But I don't want her to suffer either. That is what makes it such a difficult decision. While I'm on the subject (my daughter), I just penned this piece. My daughter and I had an interesting conversation the other day. For several months before Christmas, she had been dropping hints about her uncertainty about the Santa Claus phenomenon. I was unashamedly relieved. I don't know why I hate the whole Santa concept; if it weren't for my husband and other relatives perpetuating the myth, I would have never introduced the idea. Therefore, I made little effort this last Christmas to hide the facts from Stephanie. Since my younger daughter is still oblivious regarding old Saint Nick, the special wrapping paper and tags that I'd normally hidden so carefully so as not to arouse suspicion, were left amongst the normal heap. I had spoken with my father, who alleged to have told Stephanie, "...not to ruin it for her sister." I waited, but she never said anything. Until, the other day, of course, when I was least expecting it. She told me she had something to tell me, but she was afraid to. She had to tell me in private and she said, "You'll probably say it isn't true, but I know it is." Well, for some reason, (mind in the gutter?!) the first thing I thought of was sex! We've only discussed the subject briefly and not specifically about the mechanics. All I've told her is that it causes pregnancy, diseases and should only be shared by a man and woman in love. She probably knows more than that, but I'm pretty laid back about it and hope that she's confident enough to come to me with questions. So, that was what I was expecting. As she sat on the floor in her room, clutching her pillow, my heart racing, she still couldn't spit it out. I wanted to help her along, but I ended up blurting out, "Is this about SEX?" She looked at me with the most horrified stare. "NO! I just know that Santa isn't for real," she stated with a roll of her brown eyes. I sighed the biggest sigh of relief. Tears came to my eyes. I hugged her and she said that she still wasn't sure about the Tooth Fairy. I laughed and told her to believe as long as she wanted to. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Don Pitcher Number: 492 of 1691 Date: Feb. 12, 2000 12:17 PM Is that to say the Tooth Fairy ranks higher than Santa in your house?? Nice story there, Gann. Sauce: Couldn't believe you brought up the parent snorting the Ritalin! A friend of mine was doing the same shit! And then she'd bitch about her daughter being out of the medication and being all wigged out because of it. Pretty sad. Sorry to hear about your injury; sounds fucked up to have lasted so long. If something like muscle relaxers don't do the trick, could it be a bone thing that a chiropractor could snap back into shape? I've never been to one (but have had my share of back problems), but several people I know have sworn by the help they've gotten by them. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: gann515 Number: 493 of 1691 Date: Feb. 12, 2000 2:18 PM Actually, I believed in the Tooth Fairy slightly longer than I did Santa. There was an incident where I woke up in the morning and my tooth was still under the pillow. My mom came in to get my clothes out and when she left, I checked under the pillow again and the money was there! I never could figure out how she did it. The whole conversation just made me realize that I would rather let her believe (stay a little girl) than have her grow up too fast. I can't believe that she's only three and a half years away from being a teenager...and possibly sexually active. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: 20thCenturyFox Number: 494 of 1691 Date: Feb. 12, 2000 3:44 PM Yeah, a friend that I had in high school had a little brother on Ritalin...she would let any of us who wanted take as many as we could. My sister was on it for awhile, but it wasn't until she got switched to Adderall (basically Ritalin for grown-ups) that we started getting a lot of use out of the mirror and razor blades. Sad but true, and medical insurance doesn't exactly pay for cocaine. What can I say, I'm just another loser teenager.... (Just for the record, my sister wasn't diagnosed with ADD until she was 17, and amazingly enough her grades and work ability were improved by about 70% when she finally got medicated. So I think it's worth it, at least in her case it was.) Author: Yakomo Number: 495 of 1691 Date: Feb. 14, 2000 7:18 AM that sounds utterly crapped, special sauce - why'd the guy cancel workman's comp? Gann: our household worked much the same way - and in my experience, the only reason my friends never told _their_ parents is because they still wanted to get stuff from santa. But here, we no there isn't one - yet I'm 18 and still get stuff from "santa". POST REPORT ABUSE Author: specialsauce Number: 496 of 1691 Date: Feb. 14, 2000 11:31 AM Happy Valentine's Day, Everyone! Don, it is sad about the snorting of a child's medication. I did it once, years ago w/ the parents, but I didn't like it. I had my share of the real stuff later! I guess you could say it was an "aquired taste". About the Chiropractor, there happened to be an office next door to my job, that also happened to be my bosses' "doctor".My boss sent me to him in the middle of a work day. But he lied on the paper work about everything. He put down that I had "previous injuries", made less money an hour, and only worked 30 hours a week. Luckily I have my check stubs, and 2nd opinions. Yakomo, I had posted about my boss a few months ago. The "Cuban, New Yorker, Jew". He is a compulsive liar, thief, and petifile. (sp? again!) He doesn't give a shit about anyone. I won't go into details, just incase anyone here is from Miami! I have a good lawyer now, so hopefully I can beat this bastard, tho I doubt it. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Jesuslookslikeme Number: 497 of 1691 Date: Feb. 22, 2000 9:40 AM gann515 - try to talk to others with children on ritalin. My stepson can only concentrate when he is on the medication. Otherwise he's just certifiably hyper, and as a result always in trouble at school, which leads to low self- esteem etc. He never strikes me as being zombied on the drug - just better able to focus and listen, and to think. I heard a programme on BBC radio not so long ago where kids on Ritalin spoke of it in very positve terms. One of them likened himself to a TV without an aerial, and said that the ritalin got rid on the snow and ghosting on the picture of his mind. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Lucky Charmed Number: 498 of 1691 Date: Feb. 22, 2000 10:03 PM What is (sp?) ? POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Jesuslookslikeme Number: 499 of 1691 Date: Feb. 23, 2000 4:33 AM (Have I spelt this right?) POST REPORT ABUSE Author: wallpaper Number: 500 of 1691 Date: Feb. 23, 2000 10:54 AM LOL at Goat_Lover's post #494 ! ! ! ! ! POST REPORT ABUSE Author: wallpaper Number: 501 of 1691 Date: Feb. 23, 2000 1:36 PM Hey Foxy, you are the lucky 500th poster on this here board. You win the mystery prize of ? ? ? ? ?.*...a dance with the man himself! POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Lucky Charmed Number: 502 of 1691 Date: Feb. 23, 2000 1:41 PM Thanks JLLM! POST REPORT ABUSE Author: wallpaper Number: 503 of 1691 Date: Feb. 23, 2000 1:45 PM JLLM: Have we found your secret homepage? POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Lucky Charmed Number: 504 of 1691 Date: Feb. 23, 2000 1:42 PM Wallpaper, Good to see you over at FreeToys boards. His boards work! Thanks for starting Title Tag there. FreeToys won't edit your html either. See you there! Author: wallpaper Number: 505 of 1691 Date: Feb. 23, 2000 6:56 PM Done deal! POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Don Pitcher Number: 506 of 1691 Date: Feb. 26, 2000 8:04 AM It's been two months now that I've rejoined the wonderful wacky world of retail again and already I can feel myself burning. Not just because of the never-ending hours but dealing with the employee issues wears at me. Like trying to raise 20-some children while dealing with all the other corporate aspects that falls to a manager. Tell me, do you all see a lack of customer service in a lot of places that you go to? Maybe even more important, as a customer, do you even care??? How much does it matter to you if that clerk at a store asks if you need any help finding anything, or if they bother to break away from a conversation with their co-worker buddy to show some attention onto you? Do you notice this things as I do?? I can feel some of my people getting pissed because I'm constantly on them to get out from behind the counter and hit the floor to talk with customers. I tell them that it's a habit they just need to get down -- their prior manager just never coached them at all. I don't want them to smother the people - just show that they're at service there to help them find a video to rent. A few do get into it. I think that if you're given some responsibility in your job, you do tend to feel a bit more worth in it, sense some pride and perform a little more professionally. Instilling motivation like that in the ones that have been there for a while has just been frustrating as hell. And then there's the employee theft issues. I've fired a couple already that were just helping themselves to movies left and right. One dimwit was even checking them out on his own account and then just not bringing them back....like I wouldn't see that trail. His explaination: "Oh, I was gonna return them...I just didn't want to have to pay the late fees..." Yeah, right. Must have thought I got dropped off each morning by a fuckin' turnip truck too. Jerk still has one of my copies of "Natural Born Killers" but then I also have his last paycheck. Which is something else these people ripping me off don't realize. I end up having to pay for this shit that ends up missing out of my store. Anywhere from $1000 to $1500 is erased from my bonus check for that month. Nice chunk of change, huh? Guess I'm just pissy & bitchy and a lot more tired than anything. Just that I've done this game for so long that I can recognize the stress that is setting in. Hardly ever get a chance to peruse these boards like I used to and then when I do have a sec, I come in and vent. How joyful. I just need to get away from this shit for this weekend. Have today & Sunday "off" but at least for today I have to paperwork to finish and drop by there for a short time. Yeah, joyyyyfuullll! Hope most of you are gettin' along with your own lives and family, etc. okay. Hey students: March is about here and only a couple more months of classes huh?!? It also hit the low 70's here in Indiana yesterday and at least that allows rolling down the highway with the car windows down and the music up...gotta get away however you can I suppose! Later ~~~ POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Knobby Low Boy Number: 507 of 1691 Date: Feb. 26, 2000 10:02 AM I am really glad (but also sad) to see some one else stuck in the service industry management rut today. I work as the Catering Manager at a small and very famous New England Liberal Arts College. I cater to the needs of the absurdly rich Alumni of this school and to those departments that are paid to kiss the asses of these rich alumni and the institutions board of trustee's. This place has so much money it's sick, and it is contolled by a bunch of blue blooded white guys. One of the reasons it is so rich is that it is stingy. I cannot even find qualified help because I am not allowed to pay a competitve wage. Unfortunately my spineless bosses are so terrified of calling attention to these problems for fear of their cushy directorships that this will not change, and I will continue to be sucked dry. The rich of this country are so oblivious to the lives of the other 95 % of us, but one thing they do know is how to keep us middle/lower middle class manager's in just enough money and benefits to stay, in fear of not being able to support our families. If any one knows whats out there as an alternative it is us. And you are right about help my friend, alot of the time if you can even get them in the door they may rip you off or they do not really know what work is. Do not get me wrong I know alot of wonderful hard working teenagers and young people, but alot of these kids are only working to afford the fashions that corporate america is selling them and work ethics are not strong. Meanwhile too many of the students at this school want to be investment bankers instead of teachers. Vicious Circles. Anyway enough of this misery, I'm out of here in two hours, Temple is playing Umass at 2:00pm, it's warming up outside, my wife and kids are always happy to see me, and I just picked up the new Yo La Tengo album. Peace. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: specialsauce Number: 508 of 1691 Date: Feb. 29, 2000 2:59 PM Damn. Those are all the reasons that I turned down a resteraunt management position, and kept waitressing! I went to an interview last year, just looking for some quick cash in South Beach. The district supervisor wanted to start me in management, but he was so bitter about his job, and how much more money the waitress/waiters made than him! I said "Thanks, but no thanks"! Working in the service industry is stressful enough, w/out all the paperwork. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: wallpaper Number: 509 of 1691 Date: Feb. 29, 2000 10:07 PM I feel for all of you, getting little or no satisfation from your work. I, however have just been made redundant. The company went into receivership and shut the doors the day before our (monthly) pay was due to be transferred to the bank. Assholes. The day before!!! They had us work the whole month knowing damn-well that they couldn't afford to pay us. Anyway I can claim the money owed to me from the government, but it will take about 2 months. Oh well thank God for credit cards. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: wallpaper Number: 510 of 1691 Date: Feb. 29, 2000 10:11 PM Also I have just added the lyrics to some of my songs to my homepage. Find it here. Most of the songs were written over the last four years usually in times of depression and unemployment....Think I might go pick up the guitar again. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: TrpnBly Number: 511 of 1691 Date: Mar. 3, 2000 6:40 PM The phone call came in late spring of 96. "I have an 8 month old little boy here and he's yours - just thought you should know." Gee thanks. An enormous amount of confusion ensued - questions swirled around my head - others are still just now surfacing. Are you sure he's mine? If you waited this long to tell me why are you telling me now? What do you want from me? Money? Having a child under these circumstances is tough - I don't say that for sympathy...I say it because if any one of you has ever had unprotected sex you may get this same phone call. I never loved her - there is no sense of "keeping things together for the child" - hell, there never was a "together" - it was a one night stand. There is a lot of resentment towards her - I do my best to seperate her from him - in the end it's really not about her. It's about him. I thought he should know who his father was. By the time I lived in the same state as him he was 3 and wasn't really receptive to me - in fact, I'd say that he really disliked me. Can't say that I blame him - "Who is this person that I'm supposed to love? - My dad?" Sooner or later, I suppose he'll ask me "Was I mistake?" And I'll say "No Caelan - you were a suprise". POST REPORT ABUSE |
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Post by strat-0 on Jan 20, 2006 21:18:04 GMT -5
Author: Knobby Low Boy
Number:
512 of 1691
Date: Mar. 4, 2000 6:11 AM
Trpnbly.. Dude, from people stressing on work to this. WOW that is intense. I have 2 boys, ages 5 and 6, little kids are so much smarter and perceptive than we may think. I am married, but both my boys were "surprises", Its just that I knew about them before they were born. It sounds like you love Caelan, to have a little person mad at you or unreceptive to your affection or love, even for a minute can really rip your heart out, it's awful. If the mother wanted you to know about him, she must want you involved. Even if the two of are not together, she needs to talk you up to your son. I really doubt he does not like you though, keep trying, being a father is the most rewarding thing life has to offer to a man, it is a gift. I hope every thing works out. PEACE.
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Author: gann515
Number:
513 of 1691
Date: Mar. 4, 2000 4:13 PM
Wow Trp...that really must've thrown you. Your whole life changes when you become a parent...having parenthood sprung on you like that is a shock. Good for you for getting involved though. As long as you stay involved, Caelan will come around and realize that he loves his dad as much as his dad loves him.
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Author: strat-0
Number:
514 of 1691
Date: Mar. 20, 2000 5:45 PM
Ok, time to revive this board, if anybody's still around.
That must've been quite a blow, Trp; maybe it will be a blessing to you in the years down the road.
So, how about a nice journal entry for the Bared Souls Board? I hadn't written any prose in about 18 years until this January. Gann - you've seen this; you are excused. This is about an event from not very many years ago. I have these inflatable kayaks I got with Marlboro miles, and my ex- wife and I used to make white water runs on the Nantahala and other float trips through the national forest closer to home. Any floaters out there will probably appreciate this.
"We made a run on a northern stretch of the Cahaba, near its headwaters, once. I believe it was only our third trip. We had been married less than a year. This winding run is and narrow and swift, with some rapids. We didn't know it, but it is prone to log-jams and low water levels. It's a beautiful stretch of river, with steep banks and rock cliffs through deep, thick woods. This is a one-day run. We put in, and right away realized the river was a bit low. Soon it was about ankle deep, and we had to get out and wade for the first mile and a half or so. The scenery was gorgeous, though. In the afternoon we came to a huge log-jam. One boat at a time, we portaged around it, over steep, slippery, muddy banks and a narrow ledge. We continued on, as the current got swifter. But now the sun was getting low. You see, we had spent so much time wading and portaging that our daylight was waning. How much farther is it? We didn't know, but on we pressed, as it started getting dark. We hadn't even gotten to the rapids, yet. Then we came to a bend with a fallen tree sticking out into the channel, and I couldn't clear it and was pulled in. I hit it broadside, and overturned. About this time, we had to face the sad fact that we were not going to get off the river that day. Then it started to rain a little. We decided we would have to stop for the night at the next suitable spot.
"We came to a place with some huge boulders on the right, and one rose out of the water and flattened out. We would camp here. To get there, we had to ferry across a channel through a very swift current. I got across all right, and landed both boats. The current was too swift to paddle across, and these boulders were at the top of the rapids. I threw a rope across to her, and she tied it around her waist. She waded across, fighting the current hard, and I held onto that rope with everything in my soul. I tried so hard not to let my fear show.
"So there we were, stuck on a rock, soaking wet, in the dark. It had been a warm, May day, but now it was getting quite cold. Of course, we had made no preparations for camping. The first thing to do was to build a fire.
"There was a lot of dead wood around, mostly rotten, but very little with which to get a fire started. Shivering, we set to it, gathering up little stuff. I kept trying to light it, with our only remaining lighter, but everything was damp and it was a little breezy. Pretty soon, the lighter heated up to the point where the plastic got soft, and the flint wheel popped out. Tink, tink, tink, into the water it went. My heart sank. Now we were faced with the prospect of trying to huddle together in a boat for warmth, to survive the night. I felt so bad; I felt responsible for bringing her out here to face this. Then she checked all her pockets, in desperation. Low, and behold, in the back pocket of her shorts was one of those Mini-Bic lighters! We had bought it from a Deadhead at a Grateful Dead concert, and it had been long- since forgotten. Grateful for our good fortune,
"Grateful for our good fortune, I set to it again, this time using great care. I finally got the fire started, and we settled in. I built it up pretty big. We supped on a candy bar and a bag of chips, I think, and a six-pack of beer. We laid-out our wet, remaining cigarettes by the fire, to dry. They were all brown, and pretty bad, though. It was still cold and drizzly, and we didn't sleep much, if any. When it started to get gray, we just sat and waited for it to get light enough to continue. I must admit that we sneaked the rapids, opting to put in downstream of the biggest ones. We were in no mood for more adventure. We paddled on, passing by some campers who admired our boats, and said they got their tent with "Marlboro Miles." Soon we came to another log-jam and had to make a long portage through some grassy woods. We finally got to the take-out, and got back to town just in time for me to get to work on time at noon. We consoled ourselves with the fact that we couldn't have made that run in one day if we had left at first light. A mighty big thank you to the Deadhead who sold us that lighter. We never tried that run again".
We had a great float trip just last summer... Who knew? Oh, well. I still have the boats, anyhow... It's getting better...
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Author: strat-0
Number:
516 of 1691
Date: Mar. 22, 2000 9:51 PM
Hmmmm... Amazing. Almost unbelievable. Any English majors out there remember the "ubi sunt" theme? Where are they now, those warriors who held their bright cups high? Where are those thanes who shared the mead and the bonds and the golden treasures of life's battles? Where have they gone?
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Author: Don Pitcher
Number:
517 of 1691
Date: Mar. 24, 2000 8:05 PM
I'll take $10 worth of what you're smokin' there Strat....
[actually you've peaked my intrest here...but of course I don't have the time right now...gotta chow and then as I have the chance, go out and pursue some mead my own self!]
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Author: METALHEAD531
Number:
518 of 1691
Date: Mar. 25, 2000 2:07 AM
The story of my life: I have been abused, beaten, torn down, mocked, critized, manipulated, taken advantage of, and walked on. 21 years later Im still standing and wondering what the fuck is the matter with people and this world. I dont have anyone or anything but I dont have enough guts to take my own life. Tired of everything, I continue to walk on wondering whats out there for me.
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Author: specialsauce
Number:
519 of 1691
Date: Mar. 27, 2000 11:51 PM
Hey MetalHead, that's sad. I'm serious when I say, (or am about to say), try Paxil, Effexor, or some kind of anti-depressant. My friend and I were discussing them today, because another of our friends is all wacked out on them. If they are strong enough they will make you numb, no personality, like a zombie. But....if you find a good doctor, he/she will only keep you on them long enough to change the flow of seratonin in your brain.
My point is, I've been there, I've had friends who's been there, so try therapy before it's too late!
Best of luck, and life, to ya.
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Author: strat-0
Number:
520 of 1691
Date: Mar. 28, 2000 6:13 PM
MetalHead, Special Sauce speaks truly. I'm the wrong one to give words of encouragement: I was ready to cash in my chips a month or two ago and still don't feel too brash. But I know where you're coming from. Continue to "walk on, wondering what's out there" for you. That's what I'm doing. Maybe something great, maybe nothing, but the end comes soon enough without any help, my friend. Might as well hang around. You never know, and isn't curiosity powerful? And you are a young fella!
Hey, Don, any thoughts on the journal piece? Yeah, after 18 years, I've been writing prose again... Didn't feel the need before. Most of it is too private for a public forum, though. Too dark, and not adventurous like the first journal was...
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Author: strat-0
Number:
521 of 1691
Date: Mar. 28, 2000 6:39 PM
BTW, Don, that "ubi sunt" post was expressing my disbelief at how those posts sat there for 3 days, when this board used to get dozens of posts per day. And I wondered, "where have they all gone?" [Some went to the FreeToys boards, but others just scattered on the winds of electro-space. Uh-oh, I used the "F" word. Hope this post will be here tomorrow.] But then, you knew that. It reminded me of that Old English theme, from 12 hundred years ago or so, where the last lonely warrior of his clan laments the loss of his compatriots, when nobody is left. Oh, well, my cup of mead needs refilling...
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Author: METALHEAD531
Number:
522 of 1691
Date: Mar. 29, 2000 11:05 PM
thanks for the concern Specialsauce and Strat-O. I really didnt want people to pity me; I was just answering the board. People have suggested anti- depressants to me before but I dont want to take a pill that makes me think Im happy and then return to my state of gloom when it wears off. Im just trying to find something to live for. I think Im gonna make it.
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Author: METALHEAD531
Number:
523 of 1691
Date: Mar. 29, 2000 11:19 PM
I think I'll talk about my abusive X-girlfriend. She started working with me and I thought she was so cute. Eventually we started dating and she seemed so sweet; and then BAMMM!!!! It hit me like a steel toe boot in the crotch. I put up with her six LONG months wondering if there was hope for her but I found otherwise. She turned out to be everything I despise. She was selfish, jealous, cruel, vengeful, childish, rude, critical, and incompassionate. I have no right to judge her though I guess; I just can't believe someone could be so evil. I have to work with her now still and her every word makes me cringe. I like my job so I wont quit but I found out its so hard to not be bitter and hateful. My words of advice are never date someone you work with unless your job is expendable or God himself comes to you in a vision and tells you its your destiny!!!
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Author: METALHEAD531
Number:
524 of 1691
Date: Mar. 29, 2000 11:22 PM
Now I think I'll talk about my meeting with Pantera. It was great; I got to meet all the guys and shake their hands. They are really cool guys and appreciate their fans. While I was there I was also reminded that Pantera fans and people in general can act like such animals sometimes. Luckily I got out of there before I got moshed on, trampled, or before the riots started. The new Pantera cd is great I thought I might add.
Author: METALHEAD531
Number:
525 of 1691
Date: Mar. 29, 2000 11:30 PM
Now I think talk about my freaky near-death experience last night. I can be long-winded sometimes; sorry. Anyways me and my brother were fishing at the lake and we knew storms were coming but we didnt know they were that bad!!! My right wiper doesnt work ever since the sleet down here but I had the driver side one which meant I could see so I wasnt worried. I had just turned onto a 60 mph road which was pretty busy at the time when it happened. My broke wiper blade was moving ever so slightly but I thought nothing of it at first. Thats when it extended all the way and stopped so the next time the good blade came back they got stuck together. My window quickly clouded up in the pouring rain and I started freaking out and saying dirty words. I couldnt see anything, we thought we were gonna die. The good blade bent and nearly broke in half. My brother rolled down the window and pulled the blades apart and beat the bad one down so it wouldnt come back up. I got back in my lane because I was currently driving in two lanes and turned on my hazards. We slowed down and made it home finally. I think we had a little help from God getting us out of that one. I know I must be on this planet for some reason.
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Author: METALHEAD531
Number:
526 of 1691
Date: Mar. 29, 2000 11:32 PM
I hope yall enjoyed my stories; I have more if youd like.
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Author: joshua jones
Number:
527 of 1691
Date: Mar. 31, 2000 3:10 AM
first off, i'd like to say that i'm glad i ran across this topic on the board. it's nice to find the thinkers.
anyways, i was thinking about how some things that seem to be an inconvience at first are actually opportunities or blessings( i don't mean that in a religious way) in disguise. like, one time, i got a ticket for speeding on my way to the mountains. i got on my way again and about 20 minutes later, i see traffic slowing down and lining up. i drive by and see a truck has smashed into a car. i thought about how that could have been me if i hadn't gotten delayed for that ticket. let's see, 50 dollar ticket virsus hospital bill and car repairs. you do the math.
also, sometimes the lights in my house go out at night. i can't play my electric guitar because duh, it's electric. i can't do much else but write or read with candels. so i write. i've come up with some of my favorite lyrics during this time. so the moral of the story: don't bitch about what seems to ruin your day, because it may just end up making it.
and don, props to you for starting this. and stop thinking about chasing that street cleaner and do it. you're never too old
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Author: joshua jones
Number:
528 of 1691
Date: Mar. 31, 2000 4:37 AM
alright, i know this discussion was from months ago, but i just found this section today, so i'm gonna post my story anyways(i'll catch up sooner or later, once i read the other 500 msgs.)besides, it's theraputic for me. and therapy can't wait. well, it can, but then i'll go postal in a pizza joint. do you wanna die on your pizza? no, i didn't think so.
so the topic is about staying in a relationship with a person you no longer love, or never did. i've done this WAY too many times. actually, it was only 2 times, but it seemed to have lasted for ever. two times is still way too many. so there was this girl that i started dating. everytime i was alone with her or was heading over to do something alone with her, i literally felt sick. my stomach would just twist and i just wanted to turn around and go home. i'm not the type to get nervous around girls, but i pretended it was just that. one time, after spending the night next to her(no hanky panky), i went into the bath room and actually hurled. she jokingly said, "i'm making you sick, aren't i". i just pulled off a small laugh, put a smile on my pale face, and said, "yeah, heh, right". my body was doing everything it could to give me a sign to leave. one day in the shower, a voice in me just straight out said, "you don't love her, you're not even close to being compatable. break it off, NOW". i didn't want to hurt her, because she was suicidal and i didn't know how she would take it.
i spent my days trying to convince myself that i could grow to love her and that any relationship can work if you really try. nice thought, but bullshit. sure, you can get along, but you can't just love someone by forcing yourself.
fortunately, after a few months, she was grounded to her house and not allowed to go out. (finally, an over protective parent working in my favor)
in the following years, i became wiser and wiser in relationships. i was better at understanding my feelings and how to recognize the difference between sympathetic love and romantic love. if i had only learned those differences YEARS ago, i would have saved my self so much trouble. but no regrets. i am who i am, inspite of what has gone on and i'm happy with that.
anywho, so as the years go on, i passed by more and more girls and when i would actually fall for one, it'd seem more "right" every time. it's like, i'm learning more and more about what i'm looking for, so i get closer each time and make fewer bad choices in girls. so this last one, seemed like the closest and i believe she was "it" more than anyone ever(isn't that usually the case). i really was confident in us. i didn't have that voice in the back of my head at first, telling me she was wrong for me. it felt truely blissful, like never before. but after a while, the voice came. for once, i actually listened. i got my ass out of that relationship and don't regret it one bit. i KNOW it was the right choice.
if anyone reading this has any, ANY, doubt about the person they're with. ditch them. simple as that. it's like, people get "cold feet" on their wedding day. if this is you, run like hell. you shouldn't have a second thought about your mate. if you do, you're not right for each other. if you doubt me, remember, we have about a 63%(close to that) divorce rate in this country(oh sorry. i mean the usa. i know, i'm so self centered). people get married, knowing or suspecting that their relationship isn't right, and they're the ones that make this percentage the scairy thought it is.
no lie is worth living. by protecting someone's feelings in a relationship, you end up destroying that person in the end. often, yourself as well.
i think i'm outta space. i'm done for now, but i shall return.
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Author: Calliope_TNG
Number:
529 of 1691
Date: Mar. 31, 2000 5:06 AM
I am a cipher. I am his muse. Every time he seeks escape he wears me like a harrowed tranny wears his Friday night back-alley mini-skirt. Every analogy he draws, every parable he tells, it's my throat that becomes sore through overuse. Every wound he dares invite, he welcomes into my cyberflesh. My existence is denied, and never more fully than when he draws my cloak around his stooping shoulders, worn and grimy from the perpetual flasher-mac of his personality, to flirt like some dimestore hooker with Yakomo, JLLM, Bob, or any other poster on our twinned level. I should be thankful these men seem nice...but I crave my SELF, not his shakily drawn, unrealised cartoon of what I should be.
Thankyou for your time. Beware men with casserole dishes.
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Author: AngelaWeeps
Number:
530 of 1691
Date: Mar. 31, 2000 5:18 PM
Hmm, seems I am destined to check every board immediately after Calliope. You write beautifully by the way. Wish I could write like that...
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Post by strat-0 on Jan 20, 2006 21:18:23 GMT -5
Author: strat-0
Number:
531 of 1691
Date: Apr. 1, 2000 3:27 PM
Joshua, welcome.
I agree that you should be sure, before you enter into a real committment, but if you break and run anytime you have a "doubt" you'll never have a strong bond and partnership. I sure don't have answers, only lots of questions, but if you ask any couple who has been together for a very long time, they will nearly always tell you they have at one time or another had doubts. That's the meaning of committment. No one seems to understand committment in our society anymore. They give up the first time everything isn't all roses. But you do need to be confident that you are sure it's the right person, someone who you are basically compatible with, and with whom you can be happy. The sad thing is that even then, you can be wrong.
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Author: Yakomo
Number:
532 of 1691
Date: Apr. 3, 2000 12:17 PM
I have no idea how my name wound up in calliope's post.
Nice writing, tho.
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Author: thurber
Number:
533 of 1691
Date: Apr. 3, 2000 2:24 PM
[this is the former "samples", if anyone remembers me]
You know what? Growing up isn't really much fun. Not "thirteenth birthday" growing up. "Oh, that's how the world works" growing up. I mean, a year ago, at 16 and in college, I was happy, I thought everyone was nice, I thought I knew what I believed in. But, it's kinda like that saying that goes "The more you learn, the more you find out you don't know". I've started working with more people, mixing with them, and I see that they are not all as nice as me. They don't automatically assume that every new person they meet is a friend, like I do.
And yet, I don't want to change my outlook. I still want to believe in the world. I don't want to become one of the weary and disenchanted, bored-all-the- time people that are all around me. I'm probably (in fact, I am) a silly teenager who thinks that they are different than everyone else, but why is it that everyone seems so asleep and in a rut? I want to discover, and learn more, find a religion that seems right. It seems like I don't know anything yet. Like I never will. Everything I see is starting to amaze me. No doubt it will wear off soon.
Aaa, I'm just a mixed-up teenager.
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Author: strat-0
Number:
534 of 1691
Date: Apr. 3, 2000 6:27 PM
Face it, Yak, you're famous.
We remember Samples, Thurber. I hate to see another young person's altruistic outlook jaded and lost to cynism. Try and hold on to it. Mine is still a tiny flickering flame down there in my soul somewhere, growing a little dimmer. Am I a fool? Maybe so. Things do get a whole lot less less black and white, and a lot more shades of gray, as you get older. And there are indeed, most certainly, a lot of just plain mean and nasty people out there. You pays yer money and you takes yer chances.
That was some nice word play from Caliope. You there, Josh? I wasn't trying to be contrary, but it's a sore spot with me, you see.
Author: joshua jones
Number:
535 of 1691
Date: Apr. 4, 2000 12:56 AM
yup strat, i'm still here. i just had to catch up on all 530 messages. i don't mind your comments. i see from your earlier posts why it's a sore spot with you. i know even starting out with absolute confidence in your relationship it can still fall through, but i'm just saying that a relationship with confidence is more than likely going to turn out better than others.
hey thurber, i know what you mean about people that seem to be in a rut. i'm thinkin' of soul coughing's "circles" (something like that). that's what bugs me about a lot of people. some never seem to change. they don't really seem to have much of a progression or evolution. then they bitch about how much life sucks, but they never try to change it. i guess we should be happy these zombies exist, it makes me feel so much more intelligent. knowing me, i spelt intelligent wrong and stuck my dumb ass foot in my mouth. eh, whatever.
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Author: thurber
Number:
536 of 1691
Date: Apr. 4, 2000 7:51 AM
Great reason for asleep people, Jones! Now if only I could convince myself that because the rest of the world is dumb, that must mean that I am smart. Oh, suuuure....
I've come to hate Wednesday evenings because the lady I work with delights in the dismal. Car wrecks, plane crashes, dog-run- overs, you name it, she's got a story to tell about it. Then she turns around and tells me that her life is so darned boring. There's a perfect personality for you.
Don't worry, Mr. Strat, I will always be a naive little puss, but it's finally becoming a job to stay that way. But I'm not changing, if I can help it. I wouldn't want to have to live with someone like Miss Car Crash all my life. :-) It's much more fun to be a fool than to see the world the way it really is. I think Honest Abe once said that the pessimist may be right in the long run, but the optimist has a better time on the journey. Think I'll leave it at that.
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Author: thurber
Number:
537 of 1691
Date: Apr. 4, 2000 7:51 AM
Great reason for asleep people, Jones! Now if only I could convince myself that because the rest of the world is dumb, that must mean that I am smart. Oh, suuuure....
I've come to hate Wednesday evenings because the lady I work with delights in the dismal. Car wrecks, plane crashes, dog-run- overs, you name it, she's got a story to tell about it. Then she turns around and tells me that her life is so darned boring. There's a perfect personality for you.
Don't worry, Mr. Strat, I will always be a naive little puss, but it's finally becoming a job to stay that way. But I'm not changing, if I can help it. I wouldn't want to have to live with someone like Miss Car Crash all my life. :-) It's much more fun to be a fool than to see the world the way it really is. I think Honest Abe once said that the pessimist may be right in the long run, but the optimist has a better time on the journey. Think I'll leave it at that.
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Author: strat-0
Number:
538 of 1691
Date: Apr. 4, 2000 4:53 PM
Wow, Josh, you went back and read all those posts?! You really are a "thinking man." I think there were only 300 or so when I did that. There is quite a dynamic to this board. It took off like wildfire before I even knew it was here. Then there was the big blow-out, and it nearly died. I'm glad to see some activity on it again. I suppose some of the more recent posts make a little more sense, now. (I see that my last one does!) Did you notice where I announced towards the end that I had the entire collection (at that time) saved to a file? Boy, that would have saved you some clicking, and time! Yes, this board is like the safe haven of the RS boards. This and the Pet Sounds board in the Pop Culture section are almost the only ones I check any more. It nearly died, too, but I tried to keep it alive, checking back in for my long lost Samples/Thurber, whom I had given up for lost :_( (I had suggested she create it last summer, when life was quite different.)
Thurber, I sent you 2 emails: the last one to the wrong address, which I resent. Did you get either?
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Author: joshua jones
Number:
539 of 1691
Date: Apr. 5, 2000 1:02 AM
alright, so i'm just gonna unload what's on my mind, because i don't want to take it to my friends and well, unloadin' is what we do here.
i just got done talking with my last ex girl, and every now and then, whenever i say good bye, i almost cry. not because i miss her being around more, but because i miss what i felt at one point. that feeling of finally finding the person you've been searching for your entire life and having that security. i just want to cry and get it out, but i can't. i can cry for other people's problems, but i just can't cry for myself. why can't i be a wussy and cry, damnit! lol. i'm like, balancing between a new relationship and an old one, and it just feels fuct up sometimes. because i begin to feel indifferent to my previous relationship and looking forward to a new one, and then the previous one walks back into my life to say hi, and makes me remember how easily things can go wrong. but oh well, dats life.
i won't leave on a bad note, though. on the more positive side, i've finally found someone i like to hang out with in my area(all of my other close friends are from the net and i only see them a few times a year, if that). they're funny AND deep. a very rare combination. in the past few months, i've realized that nothing makes me happier then human connection. i used to (well, still do for the most part)try and be very independent. i don't need to have people around all that much and i can be happy with out being in a romantic relationship. but i've realized that with out close friends, life is nothing to me. it doesn't matter how talented i feel, and how much other shit i have going for myself. if i don't feel close to atleast one friend, i feel pointless. friends mean a lot to me, because well, i hate most people. i find most of them illogical, selfish, boring, pointless creatures. but i know a few good ones and recently have found one more. so for the most part, i'm happy.
i still feel very "me me me" for posting this shit, but oh well, that seems to be the topic.
strat- yah, i saw towards the end about you having all the posts together on file. too bad i didn't read that message sooner! ah well. i'll try to help keep this board alive. hell, i'll post here whether anyone reads it or not.
thurber-it's people like your co- worker that keep fox specials alive. i bet that's where she gets some of her stories, eh? from seeing what i've seen on tv, i believe we all have a bit of a stalker in us. some are real twisted rubbernecks, though.
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Author: Calliope_TNG
Number:
540 of 1691
Date: Apr. 5, 2000 4:50 AM
Thurber, those are questions that too readily get dismissed as angst by minds that never enquire. But there are others to connect with - the people who share the same state of bewilderment. They're just hidden, within themselves, within offices, and colleges. Such naked doubt, the fear of disillusionment - it all dims over the years. Now I wear rhino hide socially, but here, in anonymity, let me assure you that we are many. And maybe we're wrong or foolish, but I hope not. We're more likely just skewed a few degrees west of normality, and that can only be a bonus.
Never trust a man without a casserole dish.
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Author: strat-0
Number:
541 of 1691
Date: Apr. 5, 2000 8:09 PM
Enjoying the discourse. It is difficult to respond as I'd like, with limited time right now.
Josh, I sure understand missing "that feeling of finally finding the person you've been searching for your entire life and having that security." Good luck with your transition and new friend.
For the rest (and I'm sure I will gimp up this attempt at paraphrasing something I heard): Small minds speak of events (Thurber's lady), larger minds speak of people (don't we all) and great minds speak of ideas. I would add that those ideas sometimes fill us with wonder and awe.
I think I had a casserole dish, but I can't find it. Maybe she got it.
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Author: thurber
Number:
542 of 1691
Date: Apr. 6, 2000 8:51 AM
What is the difference between a casserole dish and a regular piece of Corningware? I just wondered.
Strat-- Why do you resent that you sent the 2nd to the wrong address? And gee whiz, you guys sure coulda got along fine without the creator of Pet Sounds. You make me sound like such a perfect person! (Not that my ego couldn't use it, but it's simply not a correct idea.)
Calliope-- I guess I'd better grow some rhino hide pretty soon then, before I get hurt, huh? I always believed that being normal was bad, and something people "settle for". I enjoy being odd, but that's probably the fruit of the family tree. We are definitely an unusual family. I just keep having the feeling that "We're not from these parts", and I still think it's good not to feel like I belong here. Anyone who feels at home here, in this yucky town, is not someone I would spend much time with. Is that egocentric?
Yes, it's nice when people can look beyond the obvious - i.e. what happened - and find the source of why it happened, or why it will or will not happen again.... The bigger picture and the narrow view have to complement each other. Too much of one or the other results in biased people, or whatever. I'll shut up now.
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Author: strat-0
Number:
543 of 1691
Date: Apr. 6, 2000 4:30 PM
I'm quite sure you were joking, Thurber. I noticed that it looked funny without the hyphen after I posted it. Re-sent. Re-sent. And I resent your implications. ("I resemble that remark!")
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Author: thurber
Number:
544 of 1691
Date: Apr. 7, 2000 11:46 AM
[heehee]
I know, strat. I was only being facetious me. My sarcastic sense of humor really gets on some people's nerves, though... mainly the ones with no sense of humor.
Author: Don Pitcher
Number:
545 of 1691
Date: Apr. 9, 2000 9:37 AM
It's apparent that these boards cycle through sets of regulars and it's cool to see that some newcommers have tapped into this discussion to "bare" a little as it may be. Hope you may have taken time to read my opening comments on why I brought this board into being. Just a place for people to open up if they wanted basically; there's so much in common in just getting by day-to- day.
I've put myself back into a job situation where I'm overseeing a couple dozen people, average age about 21 or 22. Not that I'm much older than that crowd, I find myself not only being employer, but also feel myself a bit of a coach, guide, teacher, or whatever as well. Nearly all of these people are in college, but I'm eternally frustrated by some of the lack of responsibility, honesty (don't go there with me on employee theft....), and sense of dedication that I have to deal with at times. Shit, I'm even too tired now to vent completely over it all.
Yet, there are glimmers within that uplift me. Couple of weeks ago a former employee walked in -- hadn't seen her for over a year. Dynamite worker for me back then and now she heard I was back and came about to see if I was looking for help. I'd just fired a management person that day and took her right on in his place. And it meant more that any salary or bonus percentage to hear this person say that they saw me as the best boss that they ever had and that's why they came back to the business (she even filled me in that she had walked off the very same day that I resigned back in '98).
Anyhow, it was a bit of a lift amid all the frustrations. I seemed to affected a few in some manner. I do try to make the attempt to be good towards my people. Behind it is the idea that if I give out the respect towards them, that I might get it back in return. I know that a few of you out there are in your late teen's and such, and maybe stuck in one of those piddly retail jobs right now. Hope you have that open two- way street with your boss, one where you can say what you want to them and that they listen. I also hope that you understand that even at $5-something an hour or whatever, they still have a business to run, and that they expect you to pull your end (god willing that THEY are pulling their's as well!). It can be thankless on both ends, but it makes it easier if both can meet in the middle someplace.
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Author: strat-0
Number:
546 of 1691
Date: Apr. 9, 2000 10:36 PM
Face it, Don, we're both older than dirt. We are older than white dog shit. At least that's how it looks to the teens and twenty-somethings. Little do some of them know... Ah, but life is a learning experience.
The former employee's appreciation must have been a breath of fresh air for you. One of the rewards of the mostly thankless position. So many people forget that no matter what the job is or pays, when you accept the job, you committ to performing that job. And you can draw pride from that, if you look inside yourself, and know that you are doing your job well. It sounds like bullshit, but you carry that sense of responsibility to the highest job level. You draw a paycheck, too. Good luck. Perhaps the American work ethic is not totally dead. I hope you will get some employees that don't expect their first job to be as a CEO, and anything less shouldn't be taken seriously.
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Post by strat-0 on Jan 20, 2006 21:18:47 GMT -5
Author: The S.S. Howenstein Number: 547 of 1691 Date: Apr. 12, 2000 10:23 AM I had several of those jobs, Don, while I was working my way through college. (Did I ever mention it took me 11 years to get a 4-year degree? You can't afford too many credits on $5 an hour, but I did it!) I was always on time and gave 100%, no matter what the job paid. What these 20-year olds have to understand is that work ethic carries over to your professional life -- whatever career that may be. I am constantly told by my clients how "refreshing" it is to have someone punctual, polite and responsive to their concerns. Interesting side note: I am 37 years old and have hired two people for my new department and both are older than me. One is 40 and the other is over 50! Ahhh, the joys of being able to hire PROFESSIONALS! P.S. - I read everything since Strat-O's reviving post (around #510). Good to see some intelligent conversation on these boards again! Joshua -- I think you are finally going about the relationship thing the right way. Make good friends (including females), appreciate them for their company, and who knows what may happen? I agree with Strat-O somewhat -- don't shut someone out just because of initial doubts. I know when I first met my wife some 18 years ago, I certainly didn't fall head-over-heels in love. Hell, I don't think I even LIKED her that much! We seemed so very different. But the more we hung out as friends, the more I saw the real woman inside, and 'twas then that we fell in love (MANY months later). I do understand how investing so many emotions on someone and then being burned or finding out that it just won't work can sour you. Hang in there, dude! POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Don Pitcher Number: 548 of 1691 Date: Apr. 13, 2000 12:17 PM "Ethics" is a great word to throw in there Howe. It think of the hundreds of interviews I've held over the years and believe me, I'm looking more for that inner charactor an individual has than the correct answers to "What is your job history?". I take that half hour to dig more into what sort of person they might be. Figure the computer, the routines, guidelines, etc. of the job I can train them on...their mores & ethical foundations are harder to touch upon. How's it going there Josh? Not always easy to instantly live the advice of some "older" dudes like Strat, Howe, or myself who may have already been there-done that with relationships over the years. Just getting through the time can be biggest hurdle. Sounds trite to say, but I feel a person usually comes out a bit stronger in the end. I have physical scars that I gave myself years ago during the upheaval of a relationship; today I can't see myself getting into such a state. Still very close to the girl involved by the way. We have contact every week and I'm probably even going to go see her this evening. There's a lot of love in the relationship to this day, but I chose not to go the marriage route with her in the end. We don't date each other, make out with each other, or anything like that. Just that we have a great bond as two people, enjoy each other, and still have a desire for the other to be there in our life. And that is a fantastic thing to have. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Yakomo Number: 549 of 1691 Date: Apr. 13, 2000 4:45 PM Man, strat-0, Howenstein and Don are _old_. So samples/thurber is a girl? Gee, I always assumed you were a guy. Which I really regret, since I used to get into the opposite problem... I once had the same problem as thurber did, but I solved it. How? I became cynical. Deeply, deeply cynical. But wait! you say. Isn't that what you were trying to avoid? Well, yeah. And it's weird; on the surface, and to all myfriends and family, i'm deeply cynical. and I do actually believe all the things I say thereof. and yet somewhere, deep at my core (if I have a "soul", that's what i'm talking about)I remain a deeply idealistic, hopeful (some would say naive) person. This comes out, or at least I hope comes out, in all the positive aspects of my personality. even if some are a little bit embarrassing to a hardened cynic/pessimist like me. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be a closet romantic at 18 years of age as a male? I shudder to think about what university will be like on that front. On the subject of job ethics, I agree with strat, howe and don 100%. I'm in one of those crap students jobs, and over 4 years into it i've been late _once_, by 2 minutes, and I've always tried to do my job correctly, professionally and to the best of my ability. Furthermore, I try to be courteous, helpful and friendly to all of our patrons (at the public library), and all that other sort of stuff. And yet, I still almost got fired. That made me even more cynical. Why? I'm still not sure; turns out some of my adult coworkers were gossiping about me (untruthfully) behind my back. I fought for my job, and kept it, but I'm going to have to actually try to work that hard for my next job. My first one's nearly stomped it all out of me. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Yakomo Number: 550 of 1691 Date: Apr. 13, 2000 4:46 PM And on that note, I think I'll go to my bedroom and listen to some Belle & Sebastian. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: gann515 Number: 551 of 1691 Date: Apr. 13, 2000 2:04 PM Hi all! It is nice to see conversation on this board again. Why do you think relationships work? I can't put my finger on it, even after almost 12 years with the same person. I remember a while back, writing about soulmates. I thought a soulmate should be someone who was exactly like you. I wasn't sure if Nick was mine. We can be so different...different ideas, likes & dislikes...but our minds work so much the same. Our differences balance each other out and as time goes on and we live our lives - the good times and the bad - I know in my heart that the only way we won't be together is if one of us dies. And he feels the same way. 'Course, we can both be pretty hot-headed sometimes and it's a thin line between love and hate! ; ) POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Don Pitcher Number: 552 of 1691 Date: Apr. 13, 2000 10:11 PM GANN & YAKO!! Two of my favorite people that I don't even know!! Spooky how common thoughts can be at some time. I see myself in parts of you Yokomo, maybe a bit of a loner wrapped up in that room of yours, a lot more going on inside than you might let the rest of the world know. Gann, you've got a sense of inner harmony at times and over the years I've gotten comfortable with that rhythm in myself. I'd spout out some more but I've got chicken-n-ribs goin' on the grill (and smoky blues from the stereo meshing with the outside air as well) and that deserves some attention right now! POST REPORT ABUSE Author: The S.S. Howenstein Number: 553 of 1691 Date: Apr. 14, 2000 8:55 AM Chicken, ribs and the Blues... good combo! (Can I make a reservation for dinner there?) POST REPORT ABUSE Author: TrpnBly Number: 554 of 1691 Date: Apr. 14, 2000 2:28 PM IMO, a soulmate isn't somebody who is exactly like you - those kind of relationships are usually bad for both involved...same weaknesses leads to a lot of trouble, and the same strengths can lead to a lot of fights. To me, a soulmate is somebody who compliments you perfectly, who continuously challenges you. Who makes you grow. Author: thurber Number: 555 of 1691 Date: Apr. 14, 2000 2:55 PM Yak- Guess what. I work at a public library too, and the people there treat me like I'm someone who has to be watched all the time. It's very hard on the nerves. Mostly it's because (I think) the "head" lady feels threatened by me, although she has no reason whatsoever, because we're not even working the same job. I guess she doesn't like to see people work hard or be friendly, since it kinda makes her look like the sloth she is. Sorry, but three years of getting chewed in the butt for being me is starting to get me down. I just thought it was funny that we have so much in common. (Besides our gender.) POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Pepper head Number: 556 of 1691 Date: Apr. 14, 2000 7:26 PM hello.... POST REPORT ABUSE Author: strat-0 Number: 557 of 1691 Date: Apr. 14, 2000 11:00 PM Hello Pepperhead. Sorry your board died such an undignified and horrible death. How are you doing? Better, I hope. POST | EDIT | DELETE REPORT ABUSE Author: gann515 Number: 558 of 1691 Date: Apr. 15, 2000 7:05 PM Thanks Don! Though at times, I don't feel much in tune! pepperhead! I wrote you a little poem...wonder if you got it? Guess I'll go find out! POST REPORT ABUSE Author: strat-0 Number: 559 of 1691 Date: Apr. 16, 2000 9:07 PM Josh, you still around? Did you get my email? Hey, Don, how ya doin? Did you say had a comment or follow-up for my journal entry back at <514>? Always interested in your feedback. Man, the band has been hot, lately! We've been getting great crowds and raises everywhere we play (now that I'm considering moving out of state!) POST | EDIT | DELETE REPORT ABUSE Author: specialsauce Number: 560 of 1691 Date: Apr. 18, 2000 12:36 PM I only skimmed over all the new posts, but I'm gonna jump in here and bare my soul again! After all that stalker shit my husband went into a jelous rage, hit me, I left him, sobbed like a baby for 2 weeks, broke down over kitty litter in the store in front of everyone, (I missed my cat), did endless laps in the pool, sparred w/ friends until my knuckles bled, called an ambulence for a sick friend and got arrested for traffic tickets, spent 3 days in jail, and am now staying w/ my mother while my husband goes through anger management counseling that his supervisor at work put him in. I've never hurt like this in my life. I'm on my 5th cup of coffee (a few beers in between) listening to Alanis Morrisset's Jagged Little Pill. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: gann515 Number: 561 of 1691 Date: Apr. 18, 2000 2:25 PM Yikes...I thought I had problems! Husband hits you because you're being harassed by some idiot? Why didn't he go after the asshole following you? Did he ever hit you before? Are you considering going back to him? Sorry for asking so many questions...just curious. Nick and I were both pretty violent in the early days of our relationship. He never outright decked me or anything...but there was a lot of pushing and shoving which would make me lose it. I broke his nose once and stabbed him twice. I used to really like breaking glass when I was pissed. But all that stopped long ago. Now we never get physical with each other (well, not violently anyway! . We still end up breaking stuff when we're mad though. Last year, we had a big fight and I broke his cell phone (after throwing it 3 times) and a section of our mirrored coffee table and I ripped out the mums in the front yard at 1:00 in the morning. I had always hated those mums. Point is, it is possible to get past the physical violence and channel your anger in different directions. Just plant some ugly flowers! POST REPORT ABUSE Author: strat-0 Number: 562 of 1691 Date: Apr. 18, 2000 5:10 PM Wow, SpecialSauce, sounds like a pretty rough time! I hope things are settling down for you. Like Gann said, is it a permanent breakup, and did he ever do that before? That sucks, for sure, but if he's hitting you... I've had to stay overnight in jail a couple of times - once for speeding and once I was railroaded in a little jerkwater town in Alabama. They threw me in jail for drunk driving, even though I passed the breathalizer test (yes, they can do that. "Officer's descretion" - it's a law they made up to keep from getting sued for false arrest. Of course, I beat the conviction!) Anyhow, I know the feeling when they clang that door shut on you and you aren't going anywhere. Hang in there. Gann, you just go on breaking stuff! Apparently, that's what was missing from what I thought was the perfect marriage. We never fought. Everything was great all of the time, for 5 years. Of course you know that whole story. For those who don't, she got up one morning and said she didn't love me anymore, and that was the end of our marriage. Fin POST | EDIT | DELETE REPORT ABUSE Author: specialsauce Number: 563 of 1691 Date: Apr. 19, 2000 9:05 AM Gann, we had both been violent before, but he had never actually hit me w/ all his strength. I have a temper like yours! I like to throw things, and say anything I can think of that would hurt. It's all kind of a blur, the whole past few weeks. It all happened so fast. We got caught up in the whole coke scene, and after doing too much for too long, we both got sick of it, and our "friends", and went off on eachother over anything we could think of that night. We're staying seperated right now, trying figure out where we went wrong, and how we let things get so out of control. I've seen him a couple of times, and we're working on not blaming eachother! After alot of counseling, we're hoping to work things out eventually. It goes alot deeper than just the assholes who wouldn't leave me alone. They just added on to a heap of problems, that made him explode. strat-o, I'd been in jail before in North Carolina, but it was nothing like Fort Lauderdale!! I was transported to 3 different jails in 3 days. You have to sit in a holding cell w/ about 30 other people while being processed for about 10 hours! You have to get finger printed atleast 4 times. Every jail was so overcrowded, we had to sleep on a mat on the floor. Eventually I got a cell w/ one other woman, but that meant being locked down! It was the craziest shit I've ever been through! I heard men crying and screaming, women going crazy, and listened to all the stories of how many people get killed in there, or kill themselves. I'm just glad my charges weren't in Miami, where I live! I heard it's worse. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: strat-0 Number: 564 of 1691 Date: Apr. 21, 2000 9:33 PM Damn, Specialsauce, what an ordeal! I never had to stay more than a night. 3 days is a little excessive for traffic tickets! I think I would have been calling a blood-sucking bail bondsman on the second day (or any friend or family I had in the world) but I know that's not always possible. In one jail in Indiana, they threw me in the cell and said they'd be back with my pad and blanket for the steel bunk. Right! I had a thin cotton t-shirt on, and it was March, and quite cold. I hollered, but no use. I shivered all night, and obviously didn't sleep. In the morning, other inmates asked me it they beat the shit out of me. That's what they do to you if you holler. Guess I was "lucky." In the jail where I was incarcerated for speeding, in Rolla, MO, the inmates talked to each other across their cells about hunting and sports all night. In the morning, they fed us bacon and eggs and muffins, with a thermos full of hot coffee. I was talking with another guy, telling him I'd have to stay another day, cause I was 5 dollars short of my bond. He said, "Man, I just got paid before they picked me up; I'd GIVE you 5 bucks, if it would get you on your way." He wrote a note to the jailer to give me 5 dollars out of his effects, and I was out-of- there. I had filled my pockets with packs of cigarettes on the way in, thinking they might come in handy. When I left, I tossed him about 3 packs, all I had. That was like "Mayberry" compared to the jail in Indiana! Author: gann515 Number: 565 of 1691 Date: Apr. 22, 2000 6:30 AM Yeah, breaking stuff sure gets his attention! But my temper isn't so bad really. I used to just stifle things for so long then I'd blow up and go beserk! I've gotten a lot better at letting my feelings out before it comes to that. Can't say I know much about being in jail. I spent several hours in a holding cell once when I was 17. And the time I stabbed Nick (it was an accident, really!, I meant to throw the glass at him, but it never left my hand because he was practically on top of me and when I hit him with it, it shattered on his chest, cutting him pretty badly) I called 911, and the cops arrested me! They thought I broke the glass and shanked him! I didn't go to jail, but I had to go to the station and get fingerprinted and a mug shot. Of course, Nick didn't press charges, but I still had to go to court. What an ordeal! POST REPORT ABUSE Author: joshua jones Number: 566 of 1691 Date: Apr. 22, 2000 6:17 PM hey, i'm back...sorta. just popping in for a few secs. my attention span is quite thin right now(explained below). yeah strat, i got your email. thanks for the tip. i'll check it out when i get home. right now i'm on a lil vacation. now's a good time for a lil journal entry. you know that ex girlfriend that made me tear up when i'd say bye? well, i'm in her house right now, about 4,000 miles from home. you know, i've never actually met her in person before. i met her online and we fell for each other. and then a little of this and a little of that happened (making a long story shorter) and things changed a bit between us. two weeks ago i had the opportunity to extend my snowboarding trip to another place afterwards. even though i didn't feel the same as i did before, i still loved her and wanted to meet her, so i went for it. so now i'm 2 time zones away from home, spending time with an amazing person. i can't be around her enough. maybe we'll maintain a relationship like don and his friend, but i could(or "am"...) easily slide across the line. i'm dreading leaving in a few days. i hope they have a lot of tissues on my flight home, i know i'll need them. i'll interact with ya'll more once i'm back home and not impatiently waiting for her to get off work (hurry hurry hurry!) i still can't believe i'm here. my life is so unreal. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Lucky Charmed Number: 567 of 1691 Date: Apr. 23, 2000 6:25 PM Hey Strat-o and Gann! Where is the pet sounds board Jeff? I've had it with the Free ego baords. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: strat-0 Number: 568 of 1691 Date: Apr. 23, 2000 7:04 PM Charmed, Pet Sounds is in the Pop Culture section. For those who don't know, it has nothing to do with the Beach Boys! It's all about our furry, feathered, or scaled friends, and whatever else we want to talk about! We were talking about our pets on another board, and I suggested to samples/thurber/whipoowhill (ok, I'll stop doing that) that she create a board for pets. She did, and it has had a quite healthy and consistent, if modest response. I'm on my way there, now! (But it's not about music! Ugh! Let's don't go there!) Josh, sounds like a fun, rewarding, and enriching trip! We'll talk more when you get back! POST | EDIT | DELETE REPORT ABUSE Author: Lucky Charmed Number: 569 of 1691 Date: Apr. 23, 2000 11:06 PM Hey, where's Don? He had some great recipes! I got your email Strat-O. Glad to hear you came up with an idea for your cat. She'll adjust, I'm sure. You're to nice of a guy for a cat to poop on. ;-) Night Night. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: specialsauce Number: 570 of 1691 Date: Apr. 23, 2000 8:58 PM Allright, back to my problems! My husband and I can't work things out. Most of the hurt is gone, (or burried), and I am ready to start a new chapter in my life. I am only 21 years old, so I hate that I have to give up on a marriage. About the jail thing, I found out my friend got robbed for the second time while he was in surgery. Every finger points to me. I know who set me up, but there is no proof. I was in jail 'til 2am on the morning he got robbed, so I'm not too worried. It just hurts more, to know that a "friend" would mess you over like that. (I'm using nice words) POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Lucky Charmed Number: 571 of 1691 Date: Apr. 24, 2000 5:00 AM Well, I've been told(and have had it proven to me) that a friend will screw you over second to your family. Who's doing the finger pointing? Maybe the person that did it. I had a friend that claimed he was robbed and he even had a gold neckless of mine at his house that was stolen. He claimed I came in and got my neckless and took some of his things too. Well, what he didn't know was that I was visiting another friend that weekend in NH because her son had been shot and killed and was nowhere near his house in MA. The police started looking at him and found that he actually robbed himself to steal my neckless and sell it. I pick my friends very carefully now. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: specialsauce Number: 572 of 1691 Date: Apr. 24, 2000 12:12 PM Only 3 other people besides me knew where my friend kept his money and gold. That's all that was taken the first time. After the report was made, these 3 people came over, and my friend was saying he was glad they didn't get his computer and gun. His gun was in a tool box, his computer in a leather bag, and he hid both of them right in front of eveyone. That's exactly what was taken the second time, along w/ my wallet, (actually my whole purse), which contained 2 picture i.d.'s, and my social security card. Now I have to make another report incase somebody tries to use my identity. The first robbery happened while I was gone, trying to work things out w/ my husband. These people saw me leave w/ him the night before, and knew my friend was having surgery. The second robbery happened while I was still in jail, but they knew I was getting out on Sunday. Luckily, they didn't know it would be 2:30am. If it happened while my friend was in surgery again, I'm sure it was earlier than 2 in the morning! My friend just called me from the hospital and said he has a list of people who could have done it. I told him he better not go back there when he gets out of the hospital. He's going to have to have a nurse's aide again, which he wants to be me, but I will not go back around that area! He is rich, but he left his wife and took the first apartment he could find, which was in crack town. I just found out one of the women around there told my husband that one of his (my friend's) beloved biker neighbors, (one of the 3 people who knew where everything was) smokes crack. HMMMM, not much to ponder there. POST REPORT ABUSE Author: Lucky Charmed Number: 573 of 1691 Date: Apr. 24, 2000 5:45 PM No, The jerk that stole all his own stuff and tried to blame me was a secret crack head. I had no idea until I was told that he was and then the police told me he had been busted in the past for crack. When you move into a Drughood, this is what you get. If he has so much money, why doesn't he leave? He's not blaming you is he? POST REPORT ABUSE Author: specialsauce Number: 574 of 1691 Date: Apr. 25, 2000 3:59 PM No. He wants me to stay w/ him again. He just got out of the hospital today, and he is staying w/ his daughter. He is going to get a home in a retirement community. He told me that he will not go back around that area. He also told me today, for the first time, that the 3rd person at his apartment sold crack. He is old, and maybe naive, but I asked him why he would make friends w/ a crackhead. |
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Post by strat-0 on Jan 20, 2006 21:20:11 GMT -5
**************
That's it for now! I think I may have some more somewhere...
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Post by rockysigman on Jan 20, 2006 21:40:29 GMT -5
Wasn't planning on reliving all that tonight....
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Post by Ayinger on Jan 22, 2006 16:32:55 GMT -5
wow.....
I first popped onto this late, late last night....was a mixed reaction plowing back into that.... I was in such a different place....probably better than where I am now as I could at least think & function at a deeper level. Funny, it's hard to believe that I could look back and wish I was at that same spot --- I may have been despondent in a fashion but nothing like I am now.
And too those boards were pretty much my extent in Life at the time and how close I felt to those people...such a thing to see their names: Dobs (oh shit...dug him at times), Yakomo (wonder if he learned to drive), 20thCenturyFox (great trippin' posts), Gann (....sweet, sweet Gann,,,a soul I wanted to touch), PrinceOfCats, Dogmeat, FreeToys (got into a bit of a clash later didn't he?), fuckin' PickAxe (hey, he pretty much behaved on this board...), and damn,,,,dear Strat......Jeff.....who was going through a heap of shit and was no doubt the one person at the old RS that I probably felt the closest to....
and then there's Don.......the creator of the Bared Souls board..... I wish I could find him again.
Really, I do.......
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Post by JesusLooksLikeMe on Jan 26, 2006 16:06:29 GMT -5
redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/warriorshtm/archivist.htm"Archivist saves and squirrels away each and every discussion forum message. Do you remember having a bad day back in 1996 when in one of your messages you may have said a few things that were...well, perhaps a little...hasty? Don't worry, Archivist still has it and will post it to the forum if you begin to get the upper hand in battle. Archivist can be a very effective and fearsome Warrior."
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Post by strat-0 on Jan 31, 2006 23:06:24 GMT -5
That site is funny as hell! And so many kernels of truth in the descriptions!
Thanks, Don - me too. You will find him again.
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Post by samplestiltskin on Oct 2, 2006 12:16:50 GMT -5
haha, how come i always manage to forget GoatLover? good stuff. rocky was 17. damn.
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Post by rockysigman on Oct 2, 2006 12:46:23 GMT -5
It's a lie. I was never 17.
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BTW, I don't know which other writings you did "under the influence" but I did like that last one. 
gave some great advice. Give yourself and her a little distance. 
Man, you know I feel for you, you know I realize how it plain fuckin' sucks, damn it DOES! But grab something out of those years and fuckin' cherish it for what you can. Not doing so is going to seal you into that hopelessness (and I think you know that!). 
