the happy/depression topic

[Meursault]

I mean more in a health and comfort way as opposed to a dog eat dog way.

[Meursault]

But I suppose it's always dog eat dog in some ways.

[ScottsyII]

Ahhhh, I get ya Shane! Misinterpreted ya there... t'is cool!

[stratman19]

scottsyii said:

I understand how you feel (if that's you that impregnated the lady in question) but man.. as many things as kids will get you (a man to stay with you maybe, more money from the government, tax breaks) I still have to wonder what the HELL anyone would want them.

Well for me because, and I know this is probably showing my age now, they bring more to your life than personal benefit. You have them and you realise it all isn't about you or your needs and interests anymore. You see yourself in a different light and you come to realise your own quirks through seeing them develop their own.

Nah, they aren't easy and it often feels masochistic what you are doing, because they frustrate, they run you down and they make you tired these little - uns.

But honestly it's only when you have them and you see your own eyes looking back at you and smiling and saying "my daddy" that you get a MASSIVE sense of pride, happiness... and plain ol' humility. Believe me, Ive been looked at that way by my daughter, and it's priceless. Better than anything I've ever done purely for my own needs. Better than any night out drinking, better than even my favourite album or piece of music. Better than passing college, getting my first job... it surpasses the lot, and it changes you from the very core of who you are.

So why do people have kids? Because they get to a point where life isn't about just them, and they want it to be about something more. Essentially every other experience in life is about the self, aside from raising kids or looking after the sick, or people with needs.

I love my kids, one of whom is genetically related to me, one who isn't. My life is a zillion times more incredible since they entered my life, both of them. I can't even think about what life was like without them. And I realise why that is the case. They are now very much what I am all about.

Just thought I'd add my $0.02 on that topic... :-)

Scottsy, this is one area where I think we can agree, and you said it so well in your post; a very fine post I thought.

I wouldn't trade being a parent for anything in the world. Not the frustrations, not the sacrifices, not the inconveniences, the second thoughts, the self doubt, not anything.

Because with all that, you also get unbridled joy, satisfaction, unquestioned love (at least til they hit their teen years, lol).

I guess its about something greater then ones self. The joy when they learn to crawl, to walk, to talk. The first time you hear "mommy" or "daddy" is pure gold...something greater and more important than yourself....someone you sacrifice for, and do without, for their good...and you do it willingly, and with love, and could care less.

I kinda piggy-backed on Scottsy's post; he said it with much more clarity than I, I just wanted to add that being a parent is the most terrifying job in the world, but also the most rewarding.

[Meursault]

I don't like terrifying jobs.

I guess not wanting to have kids is also partly a reflection of how I feel about life in general.

[ScottsyII]

Thanks Stratman, I think you got it right, we definitely agree on this topic! :-)

Shane, there really isn't any problem with not wanting to have kids, and you seem like the kind of person with his head screwed on well enough to realise what you want and don't want, so I think to know that you don't want kids at the moment is a good thing. And hey given what I've picked up on the boards about your own family situation, I can definitely see why you wouldn't be feeling all that inclined right now!

Don't be resistant to that changing, though, because you just never know where life is going to lead you!

[RocDoc]

Stratman's absolutely right, 'the most terrifying job and the most rewarding'...

With the most terrifying being the unknown, how our 11 and a ½ month old boy is going to develop, that he stays healthy, becomes more social in the spheres outside of our family(his tendency to be afraid of people other than 'us')and his supreme belief that he's a little superman with gravity not applying to him OR to the objects that he has every intention to grab and pull down onto himself.
Aargh, this kid! Meant in the best way possible.

...and then this:
But honestly it's only when you have them and you see your own eyes looking back at you and smiling and saying "my daddy" that you get a MASSIVE sense of pride, happiness... and plain ol' humility. Believe me, Ive been looked at that way by my daughter, and it's priceless.

Goosebumps. Of pleasure.
Thanks Scott.

[RocDoc]

...AND who would have thought that anyone could lose their minds the way that we did yesterday afternoon when for the first time ever, our little boy began marching all over the backyard without holding anyone's hand !!!
Awesome, AWESOME shit!

And 15 days short of his 1st birthday....on Fathers Day.

[Meursault]

So I went on a date tonight...my first real date a.k.a not a one night stand, in....a very long time. Went to go see The Longest Yard (i let her pic..she should have picked Batman ) She's a bit younger than I am so i didn't move to fast, just held her hand through the movie. She was pretty shy, and seemed a bit nervous...dunno if she's done much dating, but she was smiling lots.

Any good ways to get a shy girl to open up?

[samplestiltskin]

Hunting knives work pretty well.

Ugh, I'm still annoyed from a guy I made the mistake of saying "hello" back to in a bar last night. Sometimes all they need is one glint of an opening and suddenly they've got their hands all over you and your goddamn boyfriend is being a good guy and outside talking to a friend having a fight with her husband. I wish that I wasn't so nice. I wish that I could slap someone at the right moment! Just once... ooh yeah.

I'm seeing my therapist today, I'm so relieved. Sometimes she's like an oasis sighting in a desert. And I think Boy is staying at my house and cleaning it today. I actually love having a loser boyfriend with no job.. who else would do my laundry and dishes?

[Thorngrub]

"Hunting knives..." *chuckle*

I think your methods are working fine, Shaner. Movies are the way to go.
Good luck mate

[stratman19]

rocdoc said:

...AND who would have thought that anyone could lose their minds the way that we did yesterday afternoon when for the first time ever, our little boy began marching all over the backyard without holding anyone's hand !!!
Awesome, AWESOME shit!

And 15 days short of his 1st birthday....on Fathers Day.

That's just great Doc! Go little Matas, go! ;D

[Meursault]

Next he'll be dancing.

[RocDoc]

Too late.
He danced when he was walking while holding one of our hands at his baptism, in fact...standing on a pew.

Then of course 2 minutes later he barfed some sorta yellow shit all over the cuter-than-SHIT baby-size white on white tux my wife had gotten him for the occasion...

'Classic baby moment # 593' for our Matas so far...

[Thorngrub]

I've been dancing since I was twelve.