Sports Board

[JesusLooksLikeMe]

I must admit, the Wilko legend gets irksome at times. He's only kicking at about 62% this tournament, but it's never mentioned by the fawning press. The forwards are far more important - lets face it, the pack beat Australia and France single-handed. All our backs are there to do is defend.

Anyway, having seen what the Argies did to France last night, we're all expecting a fifth successive mauling from the 'boks. I just ask that we don't get humiliated.

[maarts]

You didn't get humiliated. It wasn't too bad.

And regardless of Wilko, what an absolute nasty man Jake White is. Damn, for him to have bragging rights in the Tri-Nations is almost unbearable.

[JesusLooksLikeMe]

Yeah, it was a pretty tight match in the end, although you always felt SA were just in control. But we kept them try-less, and got within, what, half an inch ourselves? Cueto's toe just brushed the paint - agonising. I still think the 'boks would have edged it.

I don't know much about Jake White - is he a tosser then? What about your man Eddie Jones? He got his revenge for '03 I guess.

[maarts]

Well, he loves to gloat, like a fat count's grin when he noshes up another piece of greasy pheasant from the table...he's been decalring here how much better his Boks are against the Wallabies and All Blacks and this year he has a right to boast.

And Eddie Jones- good on him. He never got the credit he deserved out of his tenure with the Wallabies.

[maarts]

Stripes explained

London's Sunday Telegraph had an interesting article last week about a new book called Sport: Almost Everything You Ever Wanted To Know. Written by Tim Harris, it concerns itself, according to the author, with "the evolution and development of the major sports over the last 3000 years". Here, dinkum, are a few questions answered, from the book.

Why do rugby jerseys often have horizontal stripes?
Because at Rugby School, where the game developed, house teams were identified by the thin dark hoops on their shirts …

Why is soccer a game of two halves?
Early clubs played their own versions of the rules. Matches between clubs in the late 19th century were played to the home team's rules in the first period and to the away team's in the second.

Why do cricket stumps come in threes?
Two stumps was the norm until 1775 when Edward "Lumpy" Stevens of Hambledon, the leading professional club, "threaded" the ball between the stumps three times in a match against England. After that, Hambledon used a middle stump, an innovation which was formally accepted in 1785.

Why do we have "penalties"?
During the 1891 FA Cup football quarter-final, a Notts County player deliberately handled the ball in an effort to deny Stoke a goal. It led to the FA reconsidering the proposal to have to allow a "death penalty" or "kick of death" from a distance of 12 yards.

And why are the English no good at them?
The Corinthians, the amateur club, insisted that since players were all gentlemen, any foul must be unintentional and refused to score from penalties.

[maarts]

Read this snippet in the paper this morning as well, in regards to Norman Mailer's passing. What a nice bit of flowered prose he offered here:

Of his many books, one of the best was called The Fight, which detailed the famed Rumble in the Jungle, between Muhammad Ali and George Foreman "Then a big projectile exactly the size of a fist in a glove drove into the middle of Foreman's mind, the best punch of the startled night, the blow Ali saved for a career. Foreman's arms flew out to the side like a man with a parachute jumping out of plane, and in this doubled-over position he tried to wander out the centre of the ring. All the while his eyes were on Ali and he looked up with no anger as if Ali, indeed, was the man he knew best in the world, would see him on his dying days. Vertigo took George Foreman and revolved him. Still bowing from the waist in this uncomprehending position, eyes on Muhammad Ali all the way, he started to tumble and topple and fall even as he did not wish to go down. His mind was held with magnets high as his championship and his body was seeking the ground."

Will seek out this book soon!

[maarts]

The A-list of idiots

It's been another stellar year for disgraceful antics, writes John Bridges.

You know it's a weird year when Damir Dokic doesn't rate a single mention in our year-end awards for sports stupidity. But to all of the sportspeople who behaved appallingly in 2007 we say: Thanks for the memories - and try to behave in 2008 …

BAD MOVE: A chess player in India was banned for 10 years after he was caught using wireless technology to cheat. Umakant Sharma had stitched a Bluetooth device in a cloth cap that he always pulled over his ears. His accomplices outside the hall then used a computer to relay moves to him.

OJ GOES SHOPPING: Former American football star OJ Simpson was charged with leading an armed group that burst into a Las Vegas hotel room and snatched memorabilia documenting his sports career.

MASCOT MADNESS: The Austin Toros of the NBA Development League suspended their mascot after the costumed bovine known as Da Bull was seen hanging from the rim - while a game was in progress and the Toros' opponent was shooting at the goal. Da Bull dropped from the rim and tried to get out of the way, only to have his head fall off.

BARRY CROCKER: One hundred days after he hit his 756th career home run, becoming baseball's all-time leader, Barry Bonds was indicted on perjury and obstruction of justice charges in the BALCO steroids scandal.

THE SOPRANOS: A New York youth baseball coach benched one of his 11-year-old players for swearing during batting practice. "He's a great kid, but he has a foul mouth," the coach explained. Having received a phone call from the boy, the player's dad and uncle showed up and proceeded to pummel the coach on the pitcher's mound as the team looked on, sending the coach to the hospital with a concussion.

BLING STING: Long before he was, um, dogged by the canine caper, jailed Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick ran a sneaky reverse on airport security officials. First, authorities seized Vick's water bottle at a security checkpoint because he balked at turning it over, and because a secret compartment in the bottle smelled of marijuana. Vick was later cleared when no pot was found. Two months later, Vick explained that the secret compartment was for hiding jewellery.

MAN'S WORST FRIEND: Twice in a week, Tour de France cyclists crashed - when they ran into unleashed dogs on the route.

GYRATE ELSEWHERE: The NFL banned cheerleaders from warming up, stretching or otherwise cavorting in a distracting manner in front of the visiting team's locker room or bench.

HOPE IN HELL: US women's football goalkeeper Hope Solo was having a great World Cup, including back-to-back clean sheets, when she was benched in favour of a veteran for a semi-final against Brazil. Without Solo in goal, the United States lost the game 4-0. Solo was then kicked off the squad for a consolation game when she questioned the coach's wisdom.

MAN O'WAR: Oklahoma State American football coach Mike Gundy used his news conference after an exciting victory to go on a tirade against a newspaper columnist who had criticised his back-up quarterback. "I'm a man. I'm 40!," Gundy declared at one point in what quickly became a YouTube classic.

INJURY AND INSULT: San Diego outfielder Milton Bradley suffered a season-ending knee injury - while being restrained by his manager during a confrontation with an umpire.

BLINK AND YOU MISS IT: An English junior football match ended in controversy after parents used the lights on their mobile phones to distract players during a penalty shoot-out.

BUMS ON SEATS: The Milwaukee Brewers baseball team came up with an interesting promotion. Fans who submitted to a rectal exam as a part of a prostate cancer screening received vouchers for tickets to Brewers games.

BROWNED OFF: A California football coach, upset by the contentiousness of a match, went onto the pitch after the game and pulled down his pants, mooning the opposing team. Did we mention that the other team consisted of 14- and 15-year-old girls?

SUCKED IN: When they arrived at their seats for a football game, Darby High School fans in Ohio found cards for them to hold up in unison, purportedly to spell out "Go Darby". Actually, the 800 cards were left there by a prankster for rival Davidson High and, when held aloft, spelled out "We suck."

THE MYSTERY TOUR: Michael Rasmussen had a firm hold on the Tour de France, wearing the leader's yellow jersey for 10 days - until his own club fired him for violating team rules.

IS THAT A NO?: A man wearing a Houston Astros jersey was shown on the Jumbotron screen at Minute Maid Park proposing to his girlfriend. She responded by dumping a bag of popcorn on his head and running off. The Astros lost, too. "We couldn't even get a proposal right down here tonight," said then-manager Phil Garner.

NEVER TOO OLD: Golf pro Jay Williamson fired his caddie on the 15th hole of the first round of the Canadian Open. He finished the round with a 69-year-old volunteer from the crowd carrying his bag.

NAPPY STINK: American talk radio host Don Imus decided to weigh in on women's basketball - and quickly found himself backtracking from racially charged comments. A day after Tennessee defeated Rutgers for the NCAA championship, Imus observed: "Those are some rough girls from Rutgers. Man, they got tattoos … That's some nappy-headed hos there."

CRASHED OUT: Two-time Daytona 500 winner Michael Waltrip was charged with reckless driving after falling asleep at the wheel and crashing his Toyota Land Cruiser. After a passer-by told Waltrip that she'd called 911 for help, the race driver turned and started walking home - in his socks.

TIM'LL FIX IT: NBA referee Tim Donaghy pleaded guilty to betting on games that he officiated and tipping off high-stakes gamblers when the fix was in.

FIGHT NIGHT: NBA referee Joey Crawford was suspended for allegedly challenging Tim Duncan to a fight. Crawford had ejected Duncan from a game while the San Antonio Spurs centre was sitting on the bench and laughing. "He looked at me and said, 'Do you want to fight? Do you want to fight'?" Duncan said. "If he wants to fight, we can fight. I don't have any problem with him, but we can do it if he wants to."

PAC MAN BAN: The NFL suspended Adam "Pac Man" Jones for a season after his 11th run-in with police in his first 22 months as a Tennessee Titan. The tipping point came when Las Vegas police labelled Jones an "inciter" of a melee at a strip club that resulted in a triple shooting. Seems that Jones had been showering more than 40 dancers with hundreds of $1 bills in an effect known as "making it rain". Seems there was then a little dispute over who got to keep the money. Now, he'll have less cash to throw around; his suspension could cost him $US1.3 million ($1.5 million) in salary this season.

NAKED GRIEF: While on bereavement leave from the Portland Trail Blazers basketball team to attend the funeral of his girlfriend's cousin, forward Zach Randolph was spotted in a strip club. He probably would've gotten away with it - but a bartender told on him for not paying his $106 tab.

CARDINAL SIN: St. Louis Cardinals baseball team manager Tony LaRussa was found asleep at the wheel at an intersection. The car was running and in gear. He was cited for drunk-driving.

THE TRUTH HURTS: Asked whether he was excited to be competing in the NBA's slam dunk contest, Chicago Bulls rookie Tyrus Thomas said: "Not really. I'm just going to go out there, get my cheque and call it a day. I'm just into the free money." His team fined him $10,000 for his comments.

TANK ON THE ROAD: Chicago Bears defensive tackle Tank Johnson, under house arrest after three arrests and a police raid that turned up six guns and 550 rounds of ammunition in his home, needed permission from a judge to travel out of state to play in the Super Bowl.

ASYLUM DENIED: Three football teams known collectively as the Fugees - short for "refugees", since the team members came from Kosovo, Burundi and Iraq - had a hard time finding a place to play in the town park of their new home of Clarkston, Georgia. "There will be nothing but baseball and [American] football down there as long as I am mayor," Lee Swaney told the local paper. "Those fields weren't made for football."

THE IRISH SOLUTION: Italy announced a novel plan to address security concerns at football matches. Games were permitted to resume one week after a police officer was killed - but only if the stadiums were empty.

GENIUS OR MADMAN? A Colorado high school basketball coach faced 37 criminal charges of abusing his team. He allegedly showed his players pornography and poured water on them before driving them to games in the winter with the windows rolled down. He also would ask his players, "What is the capital of Thailand?" When they would answer "Bangkok" he would hit them in the groin.

REDNECK NIGHT OUT: A friendly un-officiated baseball game in Texas turned ugly after a heckler threw a beer at one of the players. That led to a fistfight between the men, who also happened to be cousins. That prompted the heckler to fetch a shotgun loaded with birdshot and start shooting. The ballplayer then asked whether anyone in the crowd had a gun he could use. Lo and behold, someone did, and he began firing birdshot back at his cousin. In the end, four cars were damaged and the player went to hospital with 30-plus pellets in his rear.

New York Times News Service

[RocDoc]

well, that last one's an 'only in america'-moment, but the one above it especially, got me roaring here.

i mean, c'mon..... this?

_{He also would ask his players, "What is the capital of Thailand?"
When they would answer "Bangkok" he would hit them in the groin.}

this guy probably repeated 4th grade a couple of times, then that's where his mind remained.
there's some illness going on in that brain.